damned_institute | Day 57: Waiting Room / Lobby 2

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Day 57: Waiting Room / Lobby 2

Anise wasn't sure what to think when she was escorted to the waiting room. It was disturbing enough that Landel mixed up her family - and Ion! - in his stupid schemes, but the military was going to do it too? While it looked like they were pretending to follow the Head Doctor's schedule, she still felt uneasy, like they might do something unexpected and horrible to her loved ones.

Well, more horrible than what was already done to them, that was...

Despite that uneasiness, though, Anise really wanted to see Ion or her parents, even if they'd still be brainwashed. After getting no visitors the previous week, she was worried about how they were doing. Even if it hurt to hear them say all those crazy things, it meant a lot just to see their faces.

She wished they would at least tell her who was coming beforehand, so she didn't have to get all anxious while wondering... Anise didn't even have Tokunaga to comfort herself right now. All she could do was clench and tug at the gray fabric at her knees as she sat waiting in a chair, her feet dangling just above the floor.

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And then that name. It was so close to his real one, yet the way she cut it off at the end made him certain she was still referring to him as the demon he'd believed himself to be. He kept himself from flinching with some difficulty. Poor Angela was such a sweet girl. He didn't want to cause her too much grief, even though he knew that was going to be unavoidable.

"Heath," he corrected gently instead. Then he walked over to sit beside her. He wished he could say he was just as glad to see her. He was glad to see her, just not here. Not still in this place where she believed herself to be little more than a doll. A robot. Even when he'd been out of his mind himself he'd been able to see how human she was.

She was acknowledging happiness now, though. That was a good thing. "I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye before I left. Luckily they let me come visit you." Heath was trying so very hard to be casual. A smile should be easier to keep up. "How have you been?"

His correction of the name was gentler than she remembered from before, but also wrong. No, he was not Heath. He was Heat. He had always been just Heat. He had insisted on it before, but now it was different. The light, hopeful feeling in her chest dimmed, and she looked down at her hands. "Oh. Yes. Heath... -san."

Heath was not the same as Heat. He was a different person completely, so she needed to show the proper respect for their unfamiliarity. She couldn't be so informal with him as she was with Heat. He could not be shown that same closeness, or else she would be accepting that they were the same. She couldn't accept that just yet.

She shook her head, eyes still lowered to her lap. She leaned forward, shoulders hunched slightly as if weighted down. "I am glad for your visit, Heath-san. I... understand, it is not ever easy to say goodbye before anyone leaves."

It was the same with Minato. He hadn't even stopped by to tell her he had fully realized the lies of the institute either, and she knew he would never have abandoned her so recklessly if he could have helped it.

The small talk was just as hard for Aigis as it seemed to be for Heath, and perhaps was even more so. But she stuck it out; taking a deep breath she plunged onward. "I have been relatively well. I was attacked a few nights before by another patient, but I found out recently that he was not able to help himself. Instincts are like programming. They are not easy to overcome."

She then turned her eyes up to his, trying to read even the tiniest bit of familiar trust in his face. "What of you, Heath-san? Have you been well since your... recovery?"

The use of the honorific was as strange for Heath as it was for Heat, though the former at leas knew what it meant. He didn't correct her as he had before either. The situation was going to be uncomfortable enough without him making it worse. He was so incredibly bad at this. It had occurred to him to bring Sam along for support, but Angela didn't know Sam and that would just raise the awkward levels even higher.

Even if she didn't feel any different about herself, she at least wasn't convince him her delusions were real just yet. He didn't know what he would have done if the first think she'd said when she'd seen him again was how disappointed she was that the Institute had brainwashed him, or whatever the common excuse was. It was that cult he'd been in prior to his treatment there that had been responsible for that and now he was over it. She was acting like a normal human being, even if the mention of programming caused something in his stomach to twist up. Overall, this was good.

It was discouraging to hear she'd been attacked by another patient, but at least she wasn't claiming they were a monster. (Though some of the patients here likely weren't far from that on a basic level.)

"Yeah." He smiled at her question. "Yeah, I've been doing real well. Better than I had been for a long time."

She was doing what she could to avoid trying to feel connected to him. He was an outsider now. She was not friends with Heath, but the proximity was getting the better of her. Save for his outfit, he looked exactly as she remembered Heat to be, and that made it difficult to not pour out her troubles and talk to him just as she had before. She wondered if there was a bit of Heat still left, hidden inside him. Sometimes people came back, like Utena had. She wondered what had triggered that reversal. It made her curious.

"By doing real well, do you mean you feel like you are fully Heath-san now?" She asked rather bluntly. She paused just a moment, then continued on in a slight lower tone. "Or, do you mean to say you have been returned your powers? Your demon powers in order to fight other demons. Powers like Agi."

She waited, a bit tense. Would he confide in her like before? Or would he evade her and insist he had been 'cured' completely, to have fully become Heath?

And there was that hope dashed. Somewhat, at least. In her defense, she wasn't talking about her own delusions, but his. She was testing him, seeing if he was still holding on to any of what he'd thought he was before being brought into Landel's. Hearing it from someone else's mouth now just made it sound even more ridiculous. How had he been able to tell anyone that with a straight face?

Heath rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck, a familiar gesture that hadn't gone away with his return to 'normalcy'. "The first one, yeah. None of that other stuff. None of that was real for me." The 'for me' at the end was an unnecessary last minute amendment, only because he remembered the girl claiming the ability to do similar 'spells'. He wasn't her therapist, and he didn't want to turn this visit into a full on help session. It was weak, of course, and she wasn't unintelligent. She'd understand that was picking at her fantasies as well.

"I'm not a mess anymore, anyway. That's what I was before, you know. A functional mess, but still a mess."

So he truly held no more of Heat inside of him. It was heartbreaking, and Aigis wasn't sure how to deal with it. Should she feel sad or glad that Heat wasn't struggling behind the face of Heath? Perhaps it was better that he was gone completely rather than only half-way gone and in pain for it.

Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and looked up at him, fighting back against the crazy emotions that raged through her. So many things she couldn't describe with words. "Then... I am happy for you. That you are able to function and not be a mess anymore."

Her breath caught, and a few tears escaped despite her great effort fighting against them. She hated that choking feeling. It was a pain that she did not appreciate. It was always connected with bad memories. "... I want to be happy. But I miss that functional mess."

Aw man. That was the sort of expression and reaction he was hoping against everything not to have to see. He knew it had been hopeless to think that this visit wouldn't upset her in some way, but to actually see it happen caused his stomach to twist up in all sort of of uncomfortable knots. It was understandable that she wouldn't like the change. His confused self was all she'd ever known of him.

"Shit, I'm sorry. Please don't cry, Angela." He wanted to reach forward and pull her into a hug, but only managed to hold his hands up awkwardly. "Look, it'll be okay! I'm sure you're already making good progress and you can get to know me all over again. Alright?"

Maybe he should have called her Aigis, just for that something familiar, but the nurses had encouraged him not to play into her delusions even with something as simple as that. Calling her by that name meant he was acknowledging something she wasn't, and he wanted to help her get better as much as he could.

She would have appreciated a hug at that moment, but it might have only opened the floodgates all the wider. As it was, his awkward response helped remind her that she was not making this any easier on him either. She tried to calm down, clenching her arms against her. She breathed deeply, and in a matter of moments, managed to get her tears under control. They still stung behind her eyes, but she refused to let him see her fall apart any further.

"I am fine. It is... alright." She shook her head, wiping her face drywith one hand.

He wanted her to get better, just as Heat had 'gotten better' and become Heath. She did not want to become Angela, but she could make him one last promise. "I will do what I can to make good progress. I want to become stronger." Not as he would wish her to make progress, but progress in the institute itself. After today, she would likely become all the more determined to see this place fall.

She was such a sweet girl. That hadn't changed at least. He reached out gently to pat the back of one of her hands. It wasn't a hug, and he wasn't even holding it in his own, but it was at least a sign that he was there for her. If only for now.

'Stronger' wasn't the word he would have used to describe how she needed to improve, but he wasn't going to correct her on it. It was doubtful she even believed the Institute was in the right yet, but she was behaving well and at least making a show of listening to him, which was more than could be said for some of the other patients currently in the room.

"I have faith in you," he said with a difficult smile.

Warmth. The touch of his hand was just as warm as she remembered. Perhaps that was all of Heat she really had left.

His words, even if they were lies, were also comforting. If he said he believed in her will to grow stronger, than she would. She could not allow herself to let him down. "I thank you, Heath-san, for you faith in me. And... for taking the time to visit."

He could have left her here indefinitely, never giving her a chance to know just what had happened to her dear friend. She was thankful for that. And she knew that if she ever did find a way to escape, even if she could not immediately return home, there would be someone out there willing to be there for her. Even if he didn't believe she was who she said she was anymore.

"Do not worry, I have kept Schrodinger-san well while you have been gone." She smiled at him, having numbed to the tears. "He is good company."

Schrondinger. Named after Sam, with the reference to the cat being obvious. He still didn't recall where he'd picked that up - possibly in Doyleton and had just forgotten about it later. Either way, it was far better off with her than with him, and the thought of her keeping that in her care made him smile in return. He knew she had others she'd talk with here, so he wasn't worried about it being company to her as well.

And maybe it was the wrong him she was remembering, but he couldn't help being sentimental all the same. She'd thought too highly of him. "I'm glad for that. I'd hate to think he was making a nuisance of himself." So that was silly, but he felt a little silliness couldn't hurt at this point. He gave a weak chuckle afterward.

"...You're taking care of yourself, right?" She didn't seem too poorly off, and he knew the nurses would intervene, but... "You're eating and everything?"

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Day 57: Waiting Room / Lobby 2

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