damned_institute | Day 57: Sun Room

Entry tags:

Day 57: Sun Room

It figured that night would end before Rita and Taura could progress any further. Rita wasn't particularly disappointed to wake up abruptly, as they had reached a dead end. Really, the institute was doing them a favor by bringing them back to the starting point, where they could regroup.

What she didn't appreciate was the loss of valuable time, and the fact that her equipment had been confiscated once again. Rita didn't have time to mess around... which was precisely why the cheery voice broadcast over the intercom only served to grate on her nerves more than usual. In fact... how was the Head Doctor even giving that announcement? She doubted he'd managed to take the institute back in such a short amount of time, though the broadcast itself was suspicious for a number of reasons. Even though she could clearly hear the man's voice, it didn't necessarily mean that he was there. She had to look at things critically.

Still, it seemed almost as if everything had returned to normal... with a few exceptions. The different staff was one, and her lack of possessions was another. It didn't seem like the staff was expecting to fool the patients into thinking this was the same old institute, so why...?

Even as she went about preparing for the day and walking to her first destination, Rita kept her most pressing questions in mind, coming up with multiple hypotheses to explain what was happening. Since she didn't expect that the Chapel would hold anything of interest to her, Rita opted for the Sun Room instead. She was interested in seeing the bulletin board, for one.

When she entered the Sun Room, Rita brought a pen and her journal with her. If no one approached her, she would at least have a chance to document her discoveries from the previous night. First, however, she checked the bulletin board, only to find it completely empty. That confirmed a few suspicions of hers. Content to see evidence supporting her ideas about the strange occurrences, Rita sat down on a couch, opened her journal, and began to write.

[Free!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When he woke up again, Ritsuka felt the uncomfortable absence of his ears and tail like always, but also felt a strange familiarity in his costume. Sitting up, he found himself clothed in gray again - the smiley face staring dead-eyed at the world before him as if nothing had ever changed. It was the uniform he had first woken up in and, as the intercom chimed on and an equally familiar voice began to speak, for a few moments Ritsuka thought that perhaps the Head Doctor had regained control and they would be going back to their old routine.

Then there was a burst of static and Ritsuka realized it was all a recording. Another lie to support the veneer of institutionalization that seemed to be important to keep up for some reason. Ritsuka sighed and slid out of bed, wondering if the visitors would be that stupid to believe all that, or if it was simply that they didn't care enough to see. After all, who believed the crazy when they spoke of military take-overs and nightmares coming to life? It was the perfect cover.

He headed to the Sun Room with his new guard (now dressed as an orderly) and as soon as he entered, his eyes fell on one person almost instantly. Ritsuka hadn't spoken to him much, but seeing Nigredo in a wheelchair was enough to rouse his sympathies and, even if the other boy might find it bothersome, he was drawn toward him. What had caused such a severe injury that he'd be left in such a state? And worse...what if it was his roommate like Albedo had feared? Was Nigredo really letting his roommate hurt him this badly?

When he drew close, Ritsuka tried not to frown more than he usually did and stopped a few feet away. "Nigredo....? What happened?"

Oh, morning, was it? How nice. He was looking forward to yet another tedious day before another random night. Of all of this, Albedo was getting bored. His actions taken were starting to reflect that, and it couldn't be helped. At the least, some should be glad he was amusing himself in other ways--rather than using his nice, new toys on a certain blond-haired fop. It was only a thought, after all.

The return to grey uniforms, the role-play the soldiers were putting on--none of it rang as interesting. He didn't pay attention enough to make a choice on location, and really, did it matter--either way, was just another conversation, another set of ideals and options, another mind to press against his or be beat down in succession. These were the thoughts that existed, vaguely, abstractly, shifting around in Albedo's mind before he walked through the sun room doors. And instantly, the boy's mind changed.

Of course, he had registered his sibling as nearby. But nothing more, and perhaps it was on Albedo then for not taking more note. No, instead his mind split, allowing notice of a random point before focusing on another. Ah, there was his brother. With Ritsuka. And for that brief moment, it could not be told if Albedo was wary beyond all else or took some comfort in the two he cared about being near to each other.

Then, as the saying went, the other shoe dropped.

There was a beat of two seconds where the boy stood wide-eyed. That existed until Albedo realized he had already starting moving, literally running to the pair's sides, to drop in a kneel next to the wheelchair Nigredo was in. His waveform prodded at Nigredo's, seeking, trying to find the extent of the damage. His hands gripped one of the armrests, clenching it fiercely. "Nigredo!"

His body shook without realizing, denying himself the realization of the fear he was feeling. Because he would not allow it (no, he would never say it)--because he would not allow it--

He would not let Nigredo come close to dying.

Nigredo's methods for evoking calm were a tad unorthodox and usually involved closing his eyes long enough to feign rest. Sleep was a comfort, a love currently neglected due to recent events. If he pretended long enough, he could force himself into a neutral state. To something close to calm even as the boy could feel loss and offense nearby. Sunlight helped speed up the process, of course, but poor luck wouldn't have it. He had to make do.

Years of practice paid off, however. Eventually, all anger evaporated, leaving behind nothing in particular. In time, too, as a figure approached his chair, looking quite concerned despite the two having just met. Nigredo lifted his eyes to the other boy and smiled in cordial greeting. "Oh, hello, Ritsuka," he offered.

At the question, he hesitated, smile dropping. There was no doubt Albedo had let the little incident with Sync known to the boy. If Nigredo became careless and referenced the basement misadventure in any way, shape, or form, it would most certainly go back to his brother. This would not be allowed, especially given last night's agreement. He would likely return underground tonight with the merry group of traitors, and if Albedo knew...

"Monsters," Nigredo finally answered. His tone remained even. "I got a little careless; that's all. I'm fine, though. They put me in this because--" It hurt to walk. Only, this was never explained.

A sibling's waveform rose up within the link, and with it came the brother himself, looking more panicked than was the usual. Green eyes settled on the newcomer, with Nigredo appearing somewhat off-center. "Albedo?" For a moment, he couldn't place the albino's fear; he was, after all, very much alive and not in any danger of death. In fact, had taken great pains to survive the night. It was not until the youngest remembered the wheelchair that he understood the reasoning. This probably didn't look good to anyone, even as Albedo gathered the basic facts of the injuries.

He glanced between the pair, trying to place reassurance with both. "I'm okay. It's nothing to worry about." Please believe him.

Monsters? Ritsuka wasn't sure if that was true, but it seemed true enough and he didn't know Nigredo well enough to know if he would lie. And why would he? He'd been tired and that was it. He was acting much like he had before - neutral, subdued, docile. He and Albedo were so different, Ritsuka realized. And with that realization, Ritsuka smiled faintly. He was halfway through a nod when someone was barging past, causing Ritsuka to jump back in surprise.

Familiar white hair and a familiar voice to go with it - raised in panic.

"Nigredo!"

Albedo collapsed by his brother's side, clutching the wheelchair like it was a lifeline to keeping his brother safe and with him. Was this how brothers acted then? How they were supposed to act? Ritsuka only had a few memories of his brother and how they acted wasn't like this. He stood off to the side, watching, wondering if this was how he should have acted with Seimei. If he had, would Seimei have...

Nigredo looked to him and Ritsuka couldn't bring himself to smile even though he knew he should. Instead, he looked down to Albedo. Would his friend get angry for interfering? "It was monsters, but he's alright, Albedo." Repeat what was said to him. Easy enough. Reassure the one in a panic and get him to calm down. That's what was important. Ritsuka glanced back to Nigredo, frowning faintly. "...But you can't really blame him for worrying. You're brothers. That's normal, right?"

There was little response until Albedo had been assured of Nigredo's condition. His waveform pressed into the other, taking those facts. Two cuts, deeper than just an accident, and a worse one lower down. Eyes unfocused, he reached out delicately, fingertips gracing the front of Nigredo's shin as if he could examine through touch. Still, both were correct, weren't they? These were injuries that would be fine in time. No internal injuries. No lasting damage.

His focus on Nigredo slipped and shuddered, at his name, he glanced back to Ritsuka, the look helpless, as he moved to lay his head on the armrest his hands were on. Energy drained out of him. He had panicked, with good reason, and now... He didn't even know what to do. {Monsters?} was the tired sending. Nigredo had been in the basement. And the only beast seen there was the sphinx.

Perhaps that would have been all in reactions. But Ritsuka kept speaking, and the words were a comfort in abstracts--for once someone defending Albedo's actions towards his own. That coupled with the irony of the phrasing ("That's normal, right?") made him smile, the expression lacking. Without anything said in reply to either, the older URTV started silently crying.

There was nothing wrong. Was that it? Despite everything being wretched, there was nothing wrong. So why, then, did Albedo feel so much in pain?

Could he blame him for worrying? If Albedo had offered the question, Nigredo might have denied the need. The boy was fine--slashed, perhaps, but whole. The constant concern had yet to step beyond the unreal, and thus, it still rang as a discomfort in the crevices of the younger's mind. A second individual, on the other hand, brought objectivity to the inquiry. Could Albedo be blamed?

His gaze drifted to the floor, to focus entirely on the boy at the armrest of his wheelchair. He finally spoke to Ritsuka, voice a murmur. "Yeah. That's right," he agreed. They were brothers. That existed as normal. Right.

A moment passed, and Nigredo lifted his left hand to slide through white hair in an attempt to comfort. It probably wasn't wanted in light of yesterday afternoon, but what else did he have? "I'm sorry for making you worry," he said as the mental space piqued with a delayed answer to the silent question. {Monsters are what they call us.} To be followed by disjointed images and equally broken words:

Standards. U-DO. Tainted.

{I'll explain when we're both alone,} he sent, before falling into a strange sort of quiet.

Edited 2011-06-24 04:22 (UTC)

Normal was such a subjective term and as Albedo began to cry, Ritsuka began to regret his choice of words. Maybe it wasn't as normal as he thought, or maybe this was normal for them, but Ritsuka had no idea how to comfort his friend. Worse than that, however, he knew it wasn't his place. Albedo and Nigredo both had each other and that seemed to be doing enough for them. Nigredo pet his brother's hair and apologized to him, then both of them fell quiet.

Somehow, Ritsuka felt like perhaps he was intruding on something that should have been left private. And he also felt...jealous? Was that what this feeling was? It wasn't a feeling of jealousy toward Nigredo and Albedo specifically, but at the bond they shared. His had been broken and seeing two brothers together, so close in age and so close in spirit, it was almost painful. He and Seimei had been like that once, but then Seimei had died and Ritsuka had begun to realize that the Seimei in his memories wasn't the same as the Seimei everyone else remembered.

What if my memories are fake?

The thought plagued him more and more as time went on, especially at moments like these when he saw how brothers acted toward one another and remembered that he'd been left behind. Twice. What if the Seimei I knew is a fake? Ritsuka felt like leaving, but he forced himself to stay and dropped his gaze to Albedo. "...It'll be alright. Nigredo's safe."

Call reactions, and he would have thought none in the end. Still, here life would contrive to surprise yet again. His brother touched him, and Albedo shuddered once, pressing into the palm. Here, let us state it again; for contact would always be a comfort, and touch a reassurance, from those adored most of all. With that was given calm, contentedness--not enough to shift a mind already loose, but enough to halt a process in motion. The act was foreign enough that Albedo stopped crying instantly, surprised that his brother would touch him without Albedo's own prompting.

Of the words sent, he gave no reaction, continued to stare at the arm rest and floor. Yes. That was what the Standards had referred to the three Variants as. Though, to be honest, they focused on Rubedo, and how apt, wasn't it, in ways Albedo would not consider--but here it was, Nigredo said it and it gave as true. He gave a tired acquiesce and sent nothing more.

Ritsuka spoke once more, and Albedo's eyes raised to him. Leaning against Nigredo's wheelchair, the hand that had been lightly touching now wrapped around Nigredo's leg, Albedo extended a hand out to the other, the message clear. Ritsuka was something Albedo took comfort in as well as Nigredo, and by that expression, there was something in Ritsuka that needed comfort as well. Nigredo did not know Ritsuka, but if he did, it was possible he would like him. That existed as wanted. The two were important, and Albedo... Did not want to lose anyone else.

This had become something crystallized in his mind, where none but two had previously resided. He did not want to lose anyone else--be it to death or disappearance. He could not even rely on Yomi and her regeneration if there was a threat she would fade away. No. In all truth, the facts present were as they always had been. Any could leave him, at any time, and here was clarity: Still, by any means, Albedo could end up alone.

Albedo appeared solidified--calmer, at least--and it was enough to draw Nigredo's hand away. The open affection from him was strange, yes. Out of character, especially in the presence of a third party. As previously considered, the gesture was likely invasive in the context of that day, and in truth, the child was nervous. The hand returned to his lap, and he once again looked up to Ritsuka.

Here, he noted a strange contrast. The other boy resembled one disconnected, and although the chances of misreading a person were great, Nigredo knew the countenance well enough to understand. Had existed as such long enough to perhaps comment on with little reservation. Before he could ask if anything was wrong, however, his brother had reached out a hand to Ritsuka, making for a very strange picture in the variant's perspective. This was honestly the first he had seen Albedo show affection for someone not family; a part of him wondered if such a thing was possible. Yet, here it was.

Ritsuka, however, was not Nigredo's friend. Since Albedo had called to what seemed hidden, the younger took up what was polite. "How have you been doing, Ritsuka?" he asked, almost lamely.

This was how brothers acted. They comforted each other, supported one another, calmed each other when one was crying. Seimei had done that, even if Ritsuka had never cried in front of him. He'd protected and that was all Ritsuka could ask for. After all, when they'd met again after Ritsuka woke up in the hospital, everything had been new. How did you simply forgive forgetting ten years? And yet Seimei had done that.

But the Seimei I know isn't the same as the one everyone else knows...

Albedo and Nigredo understood each other far better than Ritsuka understood Seimei, but even Ritsuka knew they were keeping secrets from each other. Was that what brothers did, too? Did they keep secrets in order to protect? Maybe that was why he didn't know the other side of Seimei, the one that had called Soubi away and forgotten Ritsuka existed.

As he watched the brothers console one another, Albedo turned and offered his hand and then Nigredo turned toward him as well, asking after him. He didn't know why, but he hesitated. It still felt like an intrusion, even if Albedo was reaching for him. And the question, he couldn't answer - not truthfully at least, which meant he didn't know how to answer. Instead, he took a step forward and raised his hand, brushing his fingers against Albedo's.

"...Alright." He was managing. Even without Soubi or Seimei here, without Kio or anyone else he'd begun to rely on, he was here. He was still here and still reaching out to people. "I'm sorry you got hurt. The Institute is really terrible at night."

As expected, Nigredo did not continue, and a part of Albedo longed for him to. His hand tightened on his brother's leg, and he tipped his head against the chair. As if to accent Albedo's action, Nigredo spoke, and for the first time, Albedo wondered how they appeared, Nigredo and he, to others viewing the two together. As once stated, physically they were monochromatic counterparts to each other--otherwise their actions differed severely. Their essences existed similar, however, and was that able to be seen through the ways in which they interacted? Albedo could not know, and in the moment before him, he would not ask.

Ritsuka stepped forward to accept him, and that was enough. Albedo's fingers wrapped around his gently, pulling him a little closer. He doubted the boy's answer, given with hesitation and no details, but in the same way that he would not question Nigredo before others, he would not do it to Ritsuka. The only loss in this was that Albedo could not silently inquire as he could of his brother. Instead, he tipped his head, expression falling back to something close to normal and a bit questioning. However, as decided, he asked nothing of the sort aloud.

Instead he quietly wondered--something that could pass for small talk from another source. "What did you do last night, then?"

Edited 2011-06-25 05:01 (UTC)

Behind the response lay something more, but Nigredo was in no position to pry. Others were more equipped to handle such sentiments, and though the child wished for a slightly more genuine answer, he could only maneuver through what was given. Instead, he watched his brother and his friend hold hands for a few beats, before commenting on the follow-up.

"It's okay," Nigredo said lightly. "I survived the night. Getting hurt isn't so terrible with that in mind." Better than the loss of life, at least. And that was what counted, no?

Albedo brought up his own question, and not wanting to interrupt, the black-haired variant opted for silence. He gathered his hands together on his lap, ignoring the pressure against his leg, and waited for the other boy to speak.

Ritsuka had to wonder if surviving was the best they could do. Albedo could fight and likely Nigredo could as well - or so Ritsuka assumed. Maybe he couldn't and that's why he was in a chair like this today. It would explain Albedo's fear at seeing him like this, too. If his brother wasn't willing to protect himself through violence, then maybe he and Ritsuka had more in common than he thought.

"Doesn't make it any less bad," he said, shaking his head. He lowered his gaze and caught Albedo looking at him curiously, to which he answered with a somewhat rushed smile. This he could answer without lying. "Uh... nothing much! Just tried to help my new roommate around."

Nothing much indeed. His roommate was just a little bit off-balanced, but not in the bad way. He had an unaffected air about him, and other than his foul language, he was actually an okay person. It was shocking, to be honest, and while Ritsuka wasn't certain if he wanted to get close to him yet, it was reassuring that he wasn't bad like some roommates. Like Nigredo's roommate. "Um...I guess asking what you two did would be a bad idea all things considered..."

Nigredo's word usage was horrible, and Albedo wondered if his brother did it on purpose. "I survived the night. Getting hurt isn't so terrible with that in mind." Albedo's eyes darted away from Ritsuka to cast a light glare onto his brother. Really, darling dear? That word use was a little light, now wasn't it? Ritsuka replied to that extent, and Albedo followed suit, ending the sentence, "No. It doesn't."

His focus separated and slid, unused to focusing on two individuals at once. Ritsuka still seemed as if there was something else behind his words, but Albedo let it go. As he did with Nigredo, detaching from his brother and pulling his knees to his chest, wrapping an arm around them. There was something petulant in his mannerisms, mixed with some hurt, but Albedo spoke nothing on it, merely sighed and responded carelessly. "Collected a gun and knives, and then existed as bait to a collection of monsters."

Monsters. Tch. Too much like the URTV themselves. The boy was far too self-involved to realize that both parts of his sentence would likely upset both of his companions, be it for different reasons.

Neither would know the circumstances behind the words. Their answers, therefore, were to be expected. How could anyone agree with him otherwise? When offered a choice between death and life, he had chosen what he had hoped to discard. The fact of doing opposite meant a great deal to Nigredo. When the choice wasn't apparent, however, being injured probably appeared as faulty. Ah, well. He was not looking for understanding in this topic. Wordlessly, the boy blinked up at Ritsuka while averting his eyes from Albedo's glare.

The acquaintance spoke of his roommate, and Nigredo had to exercise self-control not to declare irony. A part of him also proved slightly curious at the prospect of an amicable roommate. It was beyond him to picture someone not backstabbing him in his sleep when it came to those who shared the same space. He sighed, somewhat satisfied with Ritsuka's answer. Anything more was none of his business.

Unfortunately, his brother had to respond in a way that grabbed attention. Nigredo threw a look at Albedo, uncertain if he'd heard correctly or had a particularly cynical imagination. "You what?"

The way Nigredo looked at him was odd. In fact, the longer he stayed around Albedo and Nigredo together, the more he saw how different they were. Like their coloring, they were night and day sometimes. Nigredo was calm about everything. He didn't even raise so much as a minute protest at being told the others disagreed with him. He simply stared up at Ritsuka like what was said didn't quite reach him. What other people said didn't seem to matter.

...Either he's really strong or he's really lonely. Ritsuka didn't know which.

However, all discussion in that direction stopped as soon as Albedo spoke up. He was still holding onto Ritsuka's hand and so Ritskua couldn't hide the shock of surprise that went through him. His hand jerked even if it didn't let go and he gave Albedo a worried glance. The weapons were worrisome enough - a gun and knives? - but the second part, the monster bait part, was the worst. Why were both boys putting themselves in such danger?

Ah, that... had been careless. And Albedo wasn't sure if there were intentional aspects within the act. There existed self-repulsion in the sentiments that followed, and Albedo loosened his grip on Ritsuka if the other wanted to pull away. Albedo was something disgusting, right? Enough of something adverse to nature that Ritsuka should flee and Nigredo should follow in Rubedo's footsteps, no? No.

His eyes cast downward, and he felt completely cut off from the others. His actions and thoughts did not make sense to them, and he couldn't expect them to. What had she said? People like them can't understand people like you. Here, give him examples--let him know exactly why he would remain alone.

This crossed his face, clear enough to read for any that knew how. For a moment, he looked like a kicked puppy, punished for doing something he thought would please another, and then the expression vanished, and he sighed loudly, extravagantly, angling his eyes away. "What now, Nigredo? I'm fine, and I got things I thought you'd like. If it's so hard to understand me when I speak outright, I thought actions would do the trick."

Ah, but he was speaking dualistically, was he not? Yes, his actions would prove that he was thinking of assisting Nigredo as well as gaining weapons that would better both's chances of living past thirteen, but his nonchalance and carelessness was also a clear warning that both should understand, despite his unwillingness to say so aloud.

Why, then, should Albedo be careful, if the one he said he would would live for would not accept what he had proclaimed?

Nothing else could be so poignant in meaning like his brother's cast. His statement. The insinuations laced in perceived double standards, tossed at his feet while in the presence of another. Nigredo knew what he could not accept the other day had hurt Albedo, for reasons unwilling to be divulged. Here was the reminder of the acceptance he had given up for lackluster security. Here was his mistake in so many words. He wondered why he had bothered to live another day.

And regretted the thought instantly in light of last evening. Remembered what remained after his brother and wanted to cry. At the end of the day, this was all Nigredo had, didn't he? And that could not be guaranteed. Despondence flitted across the boy's features before fading to stillness, and he glanced to his lap.

"I'm sorry," he offered in a mutter.

There was a moment's pause, and Nigredo spoke once more. Ritsuka hopefully wouldn't mind the delay in the answer to his question. "A group and I got trapped in the basement. We ran into something I hadn't predicted." He had won, but that victory felt hollow. "I guess it's obvious what happened next."

Albedo's grip went slack and Ritsuka frowned. His tone of voice and the way he was acting was like a petulant child, upset for being chided for something he considered to be the right course of action. Ritsuka knew that people here armed themselves so it wasn't that or even his clear intent to use those weapons on the things that lurked here at night - human and otherwise - that irked. It was the way he seemed so casual about letting himself be used like bait. Maybe he could heal, but that didn't mean he should be so careless with his life! And yet expressing distress over that brought equal amounts of irritation from the one who they were concerned about.

And Nigredo was apologizing - enforcing this behavior. There was something going on here that Ritsuka didn't know about. His ignorance made it difficult for him to say anything without knowing if what he said was right. Then again, maybe there were no right answers here. The gray space between right and wrong was growing larger every day he was here being with these brothers only brought that ambiguity to further light.

Ritsuka renewed his grip on Albedo's hand, trying to catch his attention. "He's worried about you, can't you see that?" It felt weird scolding someone who was nearly the same age as he was, but it had to be done. He felt his anger rise a little at the way the two were acting and it showed on his face, the frown growing deeper. "I'd be worried if I was in his position. I'd be worried about both of you - getting hurt like that by going somewhere so dangerous, and letting yourself walk into danger as bait. Maybe you guys can do things other people can't, but that doesn't mean you should be so careless. You have people who care for you - that's not something everyone has here. Wouldn't it be smart to take care of yourself so you don't have to make them worry?"

The apology was more than surprising. Albedo blinked at him, clearly not expecting it. But this was Nigredo, not Rubedo. Nigredo, the one who would apologize for breathing if it so suited. For a moment, the expression vanished, slipping back into light annoyance. His brother continued talking, and Albedo looked away, wondering what the point remained to be.

Reality was only struck into being by the hand he had expected to pull away tightening, and given with a voice raised in emotion of some sort. Albedo looked dumbly at his and Ritsuka's conjoined hands, then slowly looked upward at his friend's face. Speak not of surprise--this existed as clear shock and it was obvious. Each of the things Ritsuka said did not hold as untrue--each was given in full to reality, but still it shook. It was sense, surely, but since when did sense apply to the URTV and their dealings?

When did care hold as something to sway actions in whole?

"Worried about me?" It was like Nigredo wasn't there. It was like the sentence, the thought, was so ridiculous Albedo could not comprehend it. Of course that was false. Albedo knew full well how much Nigredo did not want him to die. Yes, he did, and yet still... Perhaps it was purely rejection that caused the discrepancy. A denial of adoration and want turning instead to a slipping of the senses. And yet still-- It was not as if Nigredo even seemed to care.

His chest ached. If it was one or the other, Albedo would not hesitate in speaking what he wanted, how he wanted. And yet at the moment, the duality of both did not faze his reactions--Ritsuka's words were so unexpected. People who cared about him? "...Do they really, though? Really care? Or will it just be the same again. Tolerance playing at love, and then only hate, only apathy from a source that you existed for."

If he couldn't be accepted, then.... Then was there a point in loving something that would turn its back in time?

Edited 2011-07-01 05:38 (UTC)

Another day, he might have appreciated the reinforcement, back by another who had every right to choose stillness over involvement. Further emphasized when Ritsuka berated both for their respective behaviors and inability to notice care. Nigredo had to wonder about the boy's nature and background. It took someone particularly intimate with closeness (and perhaps distance) to become so heated in regards to siblings and their misunderstandings.

The idea was striking, to the point Nigredo hadn't a clue on what to say. He practically gawked at Ritsuka, thought and speech rendered useless. The usual defenses and denials were not present here, and mayhap later, he would realize the recognition of truth in the other's words. Would see agreement in his actions, even as that condemned his own reasoning and innocence in last night's events.

Only then did Albedo speak, and that self-made revelation shattered.

He knew he had hurt the elder that late afternoon in Doyleton. Knew too well that his caution was taken as a form of rejection. Only now, it had been turned back full force on Nigredo, in a manner that ignored the boy's presence without a single care. He paled noticeably. Hurt caused him to freeze as his expression locked in another form of shock.

Will it just be the same again? The source of that comparison was obvious. "I'm not..." He blinked up at Albedo, suddenly fearful of his own reaction. "I'm not Rubedo. Don't compare me to Rubedo."

Alone, Nigredo might have started to cry, but in a crowded room, this was unacceptable. Instead, there was a beat, realization setting in. The boy looked away as though embarrassed. "I-I have to go," stammered Nigredo, who grabbed at the wheels with the intent to back away. Pain shot up both arms, but he seemed not to mind.

It was at times like this that Ritsuka wished he understood people better. Abstract concepts, philosophy, morals, mathematics - those were easy. He could read and understand, mull those things over in his head until they fit into the places they belonged and the world fell into order. But people? They were like water. The more you tried to grasp and force your understanding, the less you were able to hold on to until there was nothing but the memory of that fleeting weight leaving stains upon your palms.

He just didn't understand why Albedo and Nigredo were like this. He didn't know them well enough. He wasn't a brother to them and he would never be, meaning his existence would always be just outside the inner circle of their trust. He didn't know the whole truth - he likely never would - but that didn't stop his anger from breaking through again; especially as Nigredo tried to retreat.

"Do you think he'd be so upset if he didn't care?!" Turning toward Nigredo, he made a grab for the arm of the wheelchair. If the younger brother left now, things would fall apart worse than they already were. "Running away won't do anything but make him think he's right."

Ritsuka tugged on Albedo's hand, trying to get him to stand up and face his family - really see them. Nigredo apparently didn't show emotion like other people did, but that just meant Ritsuka understood him that much more. He understood, and that made the schism between the two poignantly painful.

"You're brothers! You don't know how lucky you are to have each other! Even if you're fighting or you don't see eye to eye all the time, that doesn't mean you stop being family."

Words came unexpected once more from a source Albedo wouldn't have thought. But he knew, didn't he? Ritsuka had had a sibling, a brother, and for that, Albedo was walking over that memory, that fact, in a way, was he not? In a way near impossible to understand and completely perfect in Albedo's mind, he was ruining things. And not just with the one he wanted as a friend.

For Albedo had misstepped, in such a clear and obvious way. Even as Albedo's sentence ended, he saw the blood drain from Nigredo's face and couldn't understand the why's. His eyes angled towards his brother as Nigredo stared at him as if lost, and Nigredo spoke, nearly stammering and in a way Albedo could not comprehend. His stomach clenched, a part of him understanding in a way his mind did not. What he had said... was infinitely wrong.

Not Rubedo? That had been the point to make, wasn't it? And here was Albedo's answer, clear in expression more than words, and so shouldn't he be pleased? Yes, he received the answer he had wished for, and it had only taken fracturing his little brother to gain it. Albedo was only an idiot in the end.

And Nigredo would leave for it, and Albedo had no right to stop him. But there was another in this drama, one who waged perfect wars of words in the way he never would in violence. Ritsuka reacted beautifully, arm shooting out to stop Nigredo as he pulled Albedo in the next moment. He slid his feet beneath him, allowing the motion, and stood. Staring. Yes, they were family. It was something Albedo likely knew better than any of the URTV--it came as his defense in debates and miscommunications, and had been used as clarification the day before. Of course, Albedo would not kill Nigredo. Nigredo was Albedo's brother.

His eyes dropped.

"I know," Albedo replied suddenly, voice hoarse and lacking his lifting manner of speech. "I know Nigredo cares about me." Place it as accurate; Albedo could not fight it. Could not fight the clear and present memory of the morning weeks ago, of Nigredo's love and need for Albedo to live rolling heavily through the link. He couldn't look at his brother. "...I just don't want him to leave me alone."

A hand grasped the arm of his wheelchair, and if he had the proper mindset, Nigredo might have stared back in wonderment. Who was Ritsuka to offer such a defense? To talk of family like he understood? There was little to assume about his brother's friend, but here, Nigredo might have known the answer. Would draw a conclusion at the end of the day.

Instead, as he was, the boy stayed in place with his arms frozen against the wheels. There was a reprimand aimed at the pair as well as the knowledge that they were deficient in their familial bonds, and Nigredo could not fight Ritsuka. That was everything they accepted, was it not? Brothers who couldn't even see how permanent they were to each other's existence--so focused were they on what might be taken away.

Conditional relations. Faulty security. All Nigredo could feel was bereavement, to be so carelessly placed on equal footing as their eldest brother and declared hateful. Albedo perhaps wanted to be right. Perhaps he wanted Nigredo to drop care as though he had a choice in the people he couldn't live without.

Like he hadn't destroyed most everyone to keep them.

Albedo rose to his feet at Ritsuka's prompting, and despite the want to do otherwise, Nigredo's eyes followed every movement. Stayed as his brother's broke away. The other acknowledged care and echoed a wish spoken once before, but Nigredo could not say if he heard correctly. He kept silent and only thought of his answer. A quiet truth he couldn't say.

I would be alone. If he left. There existed no other. He had no friends, no family, nothing else that needed him. Why, then, would he leave Albedo alone? I'm alone, too.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Day 57: Sun Room

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject