damned_institute | Day 55: Courtyard [4th Shift]

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Day 55: Courtyard [4th Shift]

Talking with friends usually put Anise in a better mood, but the subjects that she, Guy, and Tear covered at lunch were so heavy that Anise couldn't help but feel weighed down afterward. It was hard to think and talk about the terrible things that came about from her lies. She wasn't going to cry, not now, but she felt like she needed a little space.

Fortunately, children were going out to the Courtyard today, and that sounded like a good, wide area where she could get a little alone time. The fresh air could help her mood, too.

When Anise reached the door, however, a blast of cold air rushed in at her, and all she could see outside was a blinding veil of whiteness. For a moment, she simply stared at the sight. She never saw much for snow at Landel's, but here it had already covered everything in just one day!

"You might need this," a soldier said, presenting a black jacket to her. The color and style really didn't suit Anise, but it looked expensive. She slipped it on, and while it wasn't as feminine as she liked her clothes to be, the lining actually had a nice feel to it. On the left breast, she noticed a name embroidered over it. It wasn't her name, but it was still kind of impressive that they personalized these things.

Outside, snow had settled onto every surface, like a big fluffy blanket over the ground. Anise walked along the path for a bit, creating a single set of footprints in the otherwise smooth surface. Once she was a fair distance from the doors, she diverged from the path (which was barely visible to begin with) and walked to the edge of the pond, watching the falling snowflakes disappear into the water.

It was a pretty sight, but it wasn't enough to completely take her mind off of Ion. Before long, Anise found herself wondering if it was snowing where Ion was, too. Maybe he was really far away, though...

[waiting for her boyfriends ♥]

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Lunch had been more than uneventful, it had been disgusting. Asuka was not pleased that she was not high enough of rank to get better food. Complying completely with the soldiers wasn't doing her any favors either. Silence was her only reward. Sure, she wasn't being forced to starve or do humiliating exercises, but a little recognition wouldn't kill them.

"Excuse me," Asuka stopped in front of the doors to the courtyard, glancing to her guard for appeal. "May I get a coat?" The idea of freezing her budding figure off didn't sound all that inspiring. Thankfully, the soldier gave her no trouble and dutifully fetched a jacket for her. The man opened the door to let the redhead step out into the chilly weather, leaving her to wrinkle her nose. It wasn't the cold so much as the slush and snow that would dampen her clothing.

There was nowhere dry enough to sit down comfortably, so Asuka stood, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at the motley crew around her with bored eyes. The only thing she cared about was finding Shinji, wonder girl, or that putrid angel to figure out if any of them had rings. She still needed to do something about that "relationship" also. Every day they were together, the more that doofus was getting mentally polluted by Kaworu. Wonder boy had enough of that without an outside influence accelerating damage.

Lunch had been a bit of a blur - he'd met someone new, he remembered that much - but he'd finally been allowed to find his way out into the courtyard. With a coat, of course. He curled his arms around himself with a small shiver. He felt oddly numb - but he always felt like this. As if nothing was really worth the effort. As if no matter what he did, others would always see him as worthless; a boy leading a pointless existence. Kaworu assured Shinji that he loved him and for a brief time this morning, he'd felt a bit happier.

That feeling was gone. Everything felt dull, colorless, hopeless again. He put his head back and closed his eyes, waiting. Maybe he could finally sleep tonight. Maybe he wouldn't have to wander the hallways in search of something, some strange, nebulous objective.

It was a pointless little hope, but one that kept him moving.

He almost didn't spot Asuka - he hadn't seen much of her in the last few days. So when he did see her, he managed to jerk himself out of his daze to nod at her. "H-hey... Asuka..."

She probably hated him. For what he'd done back home. For what he'd done here. He'd failed her, failed everyone.

A feeble and hesitant voice. A few names came to mind, but only one of them was locked in the institute with her. "Oh, hello, Shinji," Asuka greeted civilly. She wasn't in the mood for smiling, but none of the rancorous hatred that her friend feared was there. The usual hate and resentment was there of course, that never went away. But for now, she needed things from Shinji, and the usual carrot and stick method would work well. It always did.

"You almost fill out that uniform..." The second child teased harmlessly. Since Junpei had left, she had no one to pick on. And Kaworu only made her more furious than a good beating was worth. Almost. "So, were you lucky enough to get food today, or was it jumping jacks for you?"

"W-what? Really...?" He glanced down at the uniform; he didn't feel particularly filled out in it. It just felt tight and uncomfortable. All strach and straight edges and buttons. At least he felt like he could move in the plugsuit. He tugged on his collar uneasily and for a long moment he just stared at Asuka.

He still didn't know how to feel about her. The last time he'd seen her she'd been comatose. She'd been in the hospital. But here, she didn't remember any of it. She didn't remember being replaced. She didn't remember anything. And he wasn't sure whether he wanted to tell her or not. Wouldn't that make her angry? Wouldn't that make her hate him even more? There was resentment, buried under all of his worry and cringing. Resentment for her always berating him. Putting him down. Even if she was probably right.

"Um... they let me eat. W-why? Did they not feed you?"

"Oh no, I got fed--well, if you can call pink slime food." Nutrients be damned, it was not healthy for a growing anything. No one on this green Earth could convince her there was substantial fiber in that mess. If anyone should be getting good food, it was her. She was an important and growing ransom!

And that was when Asuka's blue eyes shot up to Shinji, suspiciously. "What rank are you? You didn't get better food, did you?" Oh, she was going to be so pissed if wonder boy was higher than her! No wait--No, maybe it would be a good thing. The second child could certainly convince her co-pilot to stash his breakfast or lunch for her later.

"Oh. Um... that's what I got too..." Maybe she'd stop bother him now. "It wasn't that bad, though..."

Trust Shinji to always try and find that one little positive aspect and cling to it. The alternative wasn't that great, after all. He took a quick step back, cringing, as Asuka glared at him.

"I... I don't know! C Rank!"

Unfortunately, Shinji's backpedaling only made her frown harder. She had asked one little question and suddenly the doofus feared for his life. It wasn't like she was going to bite him! Well, she might now; his cowering only fueled her irrational need to bully him.

"Same here," Asuka sighed, wiping away snow from her pants and the aggression she felt. A scaredy-Shinji was not going to give her reliable information. "I was hoping one of us got a better deal, but oh well..." Shrugging lightly, she watched the young boy with a calm expression. "It's almost strange not being in each other's business all the time. What would Misato think?" Asuka scoffed for both of them. "Nothing for days and then you get--well, you know.

"So, how are you, Shinji?"

Yeah, it was a low blow, but there was care in there. Just below the manipulation.

Yeah. He got grabbed. He knows. Shinji deflated just a little bit more. Part of him was glad to see her so full of life and verve, as if she'd never lost. As if she'd never been in that hospital bed, not responding to anything. Not looking at him, not speaking to him. A living shell. He hung his head with a shrug. What was the point? She'd just berate him, no matter what he did. But he was glad, even for that.

"...Fine, I guess. I..."

Another moment of hesitation. "...I'm glad to see you."

A predictable, throw-away answer. Asuka should have known better than to expect more from Shinji. She had been actually genuine too, even if the question was more than a little manipulative. Well next time, the redhead wasn't going to offer her concern (shallow though it might be).

"You guess, hmm?" Well, someone either was or wasn't. So that answered her question without really answering it. Great.

His next comment was more revealing. Actually, she didn't know how to take it. At first she scoffed. Naturally, he should be glad to see her. Out of the five--well, four now--children in the institute, Asuka was the only one with the right head to get them out of there. She was making her way up the ladder in order to get better information and weaponry to finally confront this place head on. What were the others doing? Wonder girl could get eaten by monsters for all she cared. Toji was gone. Shinji and that slippery angel were doing God knows what with each other. The only outcome could be the destruction of humanity, obviously, and Shinji was not the candidate she would pick to defend the rest of the human race.

So then, that led Asuka to believe this had to do with their mutual white-haired pain in the ass. "Is that right?" Her arms came off her chest and sat on Shinji's shoulders so he couldn't get away. "Why? Is something wrong? It's Kaworu, isn't it? What did he do to you?" The eva pilot beat herself over not finishing what she had started days ago. He had been so close to death at her hand, and yet he still lived!

Shinji stumbled back a step or two in shock at the sudden physical contact and the invasion of his personal space. He blinked in amazement - there was nothing wrong with Kaworu. The boy hadn't done anything to him. For a moment, all he could do was stammer in response, cringing as if he were about to be struck. "Ah... ah...!"

He shook his head, "Kaworu... Kaworu didn't do anything to me! Really!"

He cares, he wanted to scream, He actually loves me and he doesn't abuse me and put me down and make me feel like I'm worthless and useless and nothing.

"We just- I-...! I just... I've... missed you."

He cringed again. This was going to hurt.

Her arms fell by the wayside once Shinji retreated. They folded back around her small chest, staring intently at wonder boy in the hopes that it would dislodge something a bit more substantial than denial.

It didn't. Surprise, surprise. He only recoiled more. The eva pilot was doing her best to be nice, but all this flinching was only fueling her aggression. A change of topic was necessary to stop Shinji from getting all defensive and Asuka from beating him with a stick.

The girl's lips pulled back into her usual, confident smile as she said, "Well, here I am! Bask away, Shinji. While you're at it, I have a question... Did you ever find a ring in your room? I heard it has a red gemstone in the center. It may help us get out of here..."

Oh, he was basking alright. He was basking so much that he was shrinking in on himself. He kept his eyes on the ground and shook his head. "N-no. I haven't found anything like that..."

He was so useless.

Well, it was fortunate Asuka was a realist. When your expectations were small and the outcome got you nothing, you were still right in the end. The rings, from what she'd been told, had shown up randomly. It was hard to blame someone for chance, but.... damnit, she really wanted to. This was wonder boy! He was supposed to make everything work out in the end! Apparently Landel hadn't received that memo.

"Shit..." Asuka groused halfheartedly. "Well, if you aren't too busy tonight, Shinji, take a look around your room for me. Maybe you just didn't see it..."

"...alright. I'll look for it."

It wasn't like he could say no. And it wasn't like it would take him long either. He could do that for her? He could do that. But... what if going home meant seeing her on that hospital bed again? What if she ended up dead? Or worse?

"Um. Asuka... what's the last thing you remember? From Tokyo-3?"

He flinched again.

"The last thing I remember?" What kind of stupid question was that? What was Shinji trying to imply? she didn't like it and she made it known with a glare, but she eventually spoke up. Asuka wanted to know where wonder boy would go with this.

"I remember you quitting! Again, from what I had heard. I remember having to wipe up your mess right at the Geofront and then--" her loss. Getting her arms and head lopped off with incredible ease despite her best effort to destroy that angel without anyone's help. After her connection to Misato had been severed, the eva pilot couldn't remember anything after that. She had been isolated in her useless hunk of junk screaming despite having her nerve connections pre-emptively cut.

"Why are you asking? Trying to rub it in my face, huh? Well at least I didn't give up like you! I'm not the one who should be ashamed!"

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Day 55: Courtyard [4th Shift]

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I thought I posted to this /)_(\ I am so sorry