damned_institute | Night 46: M31-40 Hallway

Yue glanced up sharply, his wings lifting and feathers ruffling as he started to automatically deny that he cared about anyone, because he most certainly did not -- but paused before he even got a syllable out. It would be kind of ridiculous to continue that now, after what he'd already said. He glanced away again, wings slowly returning to where they'd been, and gave a faint sigh.

He'd never wanted to admit any of this, to anyone. But he'd become so accustomed to the way he and Touya interacted before, and then this Touya arrived without the memory of any of it, and they'd probably...not exactly gotten off on the right foot, here. And then there was here, the situation they were in, and -- and now it was far too late to take back anything he'd said.

"It's not quite...." Yue paused with another sigh, shaking his head slightly so that his hair fell into his face. "I don't care," he said, though there was so little force behind the words that the lie was obvious.

Touya got off the bed and moved back over to Yue so he was standing in front of him. He wanted to push Yue's hair back so he could see his face (which had apparently gotten much longer since last he remembered...), but he didn't want to frighten Yue again.

"It's alright. You don't have to care right now," he said quietly, though the statement implied that he knew Yue was just saying words that he knew had no meaning behind them. But he wasn't going to push anymore. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd probably made Yue feel even worse by pushing him to admit something he might not have been ready to admit. He couldn't fix it now, but he could at least walk away and leave the door open.

"But at least... try to believe there's a reason for someone to care about you. A really good reason. You don't have to care about me, but I'm telling you right now that I care about you. So saying I don't is just trying to tell me the sky is yellow," he smiled a little. "Okay?"

"...very well." The words sounded somewhat grudging, but Yue finally looked up at Touya again as he spoke - not quite meeting the other's eyes, but not looking past him, either. At the same time his wings finally pulled away, folding against his back instead of providing a shelter.

Oddly enough, it was a bit of a relief to have said (all right, hinted strongly at) certain things, but at the same time the emotion was mingled with a strong guilt. It was true that he hadn't wanted to care about anyone; it felt like a betrayal of Clow's memory to admit that he might lo--like someone else. Or...was it?

Like Sakura-chan says, Yukito replied softly, It'll definitely be all right. Don't worry so much.

Yue shook his head a little in response to the silent comment, then finally lifted his eyes to meet Touya's. "It's useless to argue when you have an idea in your head. You or your sister."

Touya had to laugh at that. It was true--he and Sakura probably clashed so much because they both were so entrenched in their own ideas and neither would back down. He supposed that was a good thing in some instances.

"You're catching on, then. I thought you'd already know as much about Sakura, but I guess it didn't take long for you to figure out I'm kind of the same, hm?"

He tilted his head slightly, happy that he'd at least distracted Yue for the time being. At least Yue could think about how irritatingly persistent Touya was, instead of other things. "Your hair grew," he observed.

"It...oh." Somehow, being as distracted as he had been all day, Yue hadn't even paid any attention to his hair at all. All right, he'd sat on it earlier, but that wasn't terribly unusual. But now as he glanced down he realized it was the length that it should be, instead of what it had been for the last couple of weeks.

He pulled a lock forward and studied it, glad of the change of topic, but somewhat puzzled as to how this had happened. "This is how long it used to be," he replied, with a small frown. "My second night here one of the creatures cut it shorter." The first day he'd met Fai, in fact, but he quickly shuddered away from that thought.

And then a thought occurred to him, and he dropped the hair and reached over to push up his left sleeve to see his upper arm. The arrows in the basement several nights ago had left three neat, thin scars there but...they were no longer there. "It's...like I never was injured at all."

"Really?" Touya repositioned himself so he could see Yue's arm. It didn't seem possible for scars to just vanish suddenly like that, but apparently it was possible here. And since when did hair being cut count as a scar? Stranger things had happened, he supposed, and he certainly wasn't going to complain about this one.

"That's good, right?" Touya offered with a smile. "It's like you're back to you old self, before you arrived here."

Even though Touya might have thought it was a good thing, Yue's deepening frown indicated that he clearly did not agree. He stared at his arm a moment longer before dropping the sleeve and moving to pull up the front of his shirt, checking for the larger scar that should have been across his stomach, from their encounter with the clockwork man in the cafeteria. "But why? Why would it suddenly...."

And there he paused, growing utterly still for a moment as a thought occurred to him. "It's not just the old scars," he said, slowly, voice so carefully controlled that it showed no emotion at all. "Everything from last night is healed, as well, as though...it never happened." If this was the "prize" Landel had spoken of, he didn't want it - but at the same time there was no way to reject it. He couldn't go deliberately injuring himself just to give him the scars again.

When it became clear that Yue wasn't thrilled to have his hair back or his scars removed, Touya's smile fell almost instantaneously. He thought Yue would be happy to have his wings and hair back and his scars gone... He'd seemed rather disdainful of them, at the very least.

"A lot of things here don't make sense," Touya said. "It's probably best not to think about the why or how. He just wants you to run your mind in circles trying to figure out why he removed your scars.

"...besides, do they really need to be visible to still exist? I think you carry more scars than are visible," he said carefully.

It probably was true that Landel would be willing to do something like that just to see how much it made Yue worry, with no other motive - but he still couldn't help but do so. He allowed his shirt to drop back into place, absently brushing his hands down the front as though trying to straighten it. If he was going to be given something as a reminder, he might have preferred his clothing; it was far more comfortable (if only for familiarity) than what he was given here.

"I disliked having them," he replied in a somewhat distracted fashion, eyes slightly narrowed. "But if I somehow earned it by being on his "good side" I'd rather keep those scars." If Touya meant something more than simply physical scars, he wasn't paying any mind to that at the moment.

"You aren't on his 'good side'," Touya said incredulously. "That's ridiculous. You know it, I know it, Landel probably has you on some 'Will Never Ever EVER Work With Me' list."

He watched Yue's hands smooth over his shirt, distracted for a moment. Oi, maybe this whole 'his room' thing had been a bad idea, especially after that strong hint Yue had given him.

"And everyone knows you'd keep the scars over fealty to him," Touya said, looking off at the wall awkwardly. "You think someone's going think you're on his side, because he made you... You know...?"

"That's what he said." Yue glanced sidelong at Touya, then sighed and shook his head slightly. It probably wasn't worth the argument. He didn't know for certain what had happened or why, so it was useless to sit and fret about something he didn't really understand. It was also taking him into territory that he'd rather not think about, so instead of continuing he merely lifted his wings and started to draw them about himself.

This time he wasn't simply escaping, he told Yukito with some measure of exasperation for the fact that he had to ask first before trying to shift forms. It simply wasn't fair for him to monopolize Touya's time, when he knew his other self wanted to spend time with him - and if they were able to change forms, now would be the best chance to do it, since what powers remained to him were only active after dark.

With Yukito's assent, Yue wrapped himself in his wings and called upon the power that allowed him to shift into his false form...and was no little bit surprised when it actually worked. When the light faded a no less startled Yukito took a step forward for balance and blinked. "It worked," he said, glancing down at his hands, his own hands, which he hadn't seen in days.

Touya blinked as Yue shifted forms before he could even continue trying to convince Yue that what had happened didn't mean he was on Landel's 'side'. The thought was ludicrous at best.

But he supposed that the fact that Yuki had let Yue transform (he probably would have during their argument if Yuki had no control over the situation, after all) meant that Yue wasn't running away to brood in a corner over his sudden villain-status. And... he had to admit, after running around in circles with Yue, he was glad to see Yuki again.

"Looks that way," Touya said, smiling and taking one of Yuki's hands. "Nice to see this face again." Not that Yue's was painful to look at, but there was something warmly familiar about seeing Yuki and hearing his voice come out of his mouth. Seeing his adorable, surprised expression, and the cute blink that usually came with it...

"Is that a result of last night, too?" he asked, rubbing his thumb in Yuki's palm.

Even though he'd become accustomed to being in Yue's form, it still never felt quite right: it wasn't really him, after all, and he certainly wasn't accustomed to feeling the weight of a pair of wings. Yukito never ceased to be amazed by everything new that he found out about his other self, but right now he appreciated something more familiar. Like his own face, his own hands, and Touya's smile.

"I don't know," he admitted, trying to ignore the goosebumps rising at the touch. "But it's good to be me again." Yukito smiled in return, although the expression didn't quite manage to be as bright as usual; not after last night, and not with Yue's brooding chill present in the back of his mind.

Touya tried to smile his regular smile, but he found it hard when Yuki wasn't smiling like he did. Not that he expected Yuki to be fine after what had happened last night, but maybe he'd been hoping he could see Yuki smile. It might have helped him feel like things would be alright, somehow.

"It's good to see you again," he said. Touya leaned over, still holding Yuki's hand, and picked up the plate he'd set on his desk.

"Cake?"

Yukito glanced down at the cake, then back up at Touya, mentally weighing his options for a moment. He gently took the plate from Touya's hand, but only to set it down on the desk again. "I can eat it later," he replied, his expression turning almost shy for a moment before he stepped in closer, moving to rest his head on Touya's shoulder. "Right now I'd rather spend time with you."

Certainly, he was hungry. But he was always hungry, and it wasn't as though the Institute was lacking in food. It never seemed as though he and Touya could get a moment's peace together, though, and especially not when he was himself. There'd always been interruptions of one kind or another, or the need to protect Sakura, and while Yukito certainly didn't disagree with that, right now he wanted the comfort and reassurance of Touya's presence more than even dessert.

"Yuki..." Touya immediately wrapped his arms around Yuki's shoulders and rested his cheek on Yuki's hair. Even cake wasn't distracting him, and he must have been starving. Yue putting up a cold exterior had worried Touya to be sure, but Yuki curled up in his arms like this only made him want to rip Landel apart--and he didn't often have such violent thoughts. But it seemed slightly... blasphemous to continue dwelling on killing someone when Yuki was looking to him for comfort.

"I'm here," he said, putting a hand on the back of Yuki's head. "And I'll hold you all night if that's what you want. I just thought you were hungry."

"Mm. When am I not?" Yukito kept his tone light, voice laced with a hint of amusement, trying not to worry Touya too much. Being here, solidly himself, warm and comfortable and protected, did make him feel better -- and he suspected that despite his earlier protests, Yue couldn't help but feel the same. Perhaps that was why he'd decided to switch, allowing his other self to accept the comfort that he himself refused out of stubborn pride.

He breathed out what wasn't quite a sigh, tension easing from his shoulders and eyes half-closing. Now that he had his glasses back they were pressing a little uncomfortably against his temple in this position, but he didn't particularly want to bring it up, because that would mean he would have to move. "I just miss being able to spend time with you," he replied, quietly. "There's always...something, here."

He eased up a little on Yuki's glasses and nodded. "It's hard, with Sakura around and that feeling of... like, you're wasting time if you aren't out there, fighting the good fight. That feeling."

Privately, he wished he could be the one to worry tonight, so that Yuki and Yue would have the night off--so to speak. But he knew that somewhere they were both worrying about her. Still, he closed his eyes and hoped Sakura was still in her room. He worried a little extra. Just for a moment.

"But right now, it's just us. Sakura's safe, life is moving forward..." His hands pulled back until they found Yuki's shoulders and he gently began massaging them. "We have time to spend with one another right now."

He just wished the circumstances were better.

One of the reasons the night before had been difficult for Yukito was because he hadn't been the one in control, and hadn't been able to do anything but watch and listen as two people he cared about cried out in pain. Not that there was anything he could have done if he had been in control; even Yue had been powerless to stop any of it. But still, he hadn't even been able to look up at the stands unless Yue did, and had only been able to fear for the worst.

But Touya was all right, as far as he could see. If he and Yue had been healed of their injuries, did Touya and Sakura get the same treatment as well? Hopefully so, since he wouldn't want to see Sakura hurt at all.

For now, though, he tried to force himself not to worry about Sakura - she would certainly stay safe, just so she wouldn't make the others concerned about her. At the moment he wanted to only think about here and now and enjoy this moment for as long as it was allowed to last. "Good," he murmured, giving a soft and contented sigh as he relaxed against Touya. "And if you keep doing that, you'll never be rid of me."

"Then I'll do it until my hands fall off," Touya said, smiling into Yuki's hair and continuing his gentle ministrations. He wasn't very good at it, but it wasn't very hard (in his opinion) to work out kinks in someone's shoulders. Besides, Touya had a feeling the relaxation was coming more from his touch instead of his skill.

"I've got you," he said softly. "You can lean on me as long as you want."

He could hold Yue and Yuki up--he could. They'd been here so much longer than he had, and Touya privately thought that he was rather hard to break. Ostracized as a child, losing his mother at a young age, moving from job to job in an effort to save enough for college... he'd been standing through a lot of adversity. And maybe Yue had too--but he'd been standing in this place for a long time. Touya only wished Yue could be as honest as Yuki was being (at least in some respects), and would lean on him for a day or two. But he could just hear Yue's voice in his head saying it was pointless or something like that.

That was okay. He was... kind of holding him right now. Touya trailed his hands down to Yuki's shoulderblades and continued working his fingertips in the muscle there. "I'm not hurting you, right?"

"If you ever need someone to lean on," Yukito began, lifting his head slightly to look up at Touya, tone a little more serious, "I'm here for you, too. You know that, right?" He paused, then subsided again, eyes half-closing as he settled back into place. "For right now, though, I'm...glad to take you up on the offer."

The two of them were always there for each other, and had been almost since they'd first met. The fact that their relationship had changed in the last few days had only made that even more true, and Yukito was grateful for it. Touya was something real and solid in a world that had been strange ever since he'd first discovered Yue's existence, and here where things were all the more confusing and dangerous, Yukito was even more relieved to have that comfort.

And Yue was as well, as loudly as he might protest it; when Touya's hands moved lower on his back Yukito both felt and didn't feel a flicker of surprise that they didn't encounter wings, which made him realize just how closely his other self was paying attention. He had no real reason to expect wings, after all, and couldn't help but feel a faint flicker of amusement (which Yue pretended not to have noticed at all). "No...not at all," he replied, with soft laughter in his voice as he added in an undertone, "And you're allowed to do the same for Yue-san, too. Just don't tell him I told you."

"Of course," Touya said, punctuating his own reassurance with a gentle rub between Yuki's shoulder blades. "But right now, you need me, I can see that much. And I'm here for you."

His hands rose again to Yuki's shoulders, continuing to rub away the tension he felt. "And I don't know about Yue," Touya said with a soft laugh. There really wasn't any point to not telling Yue something Yuki said, was there? "He doesn't seem to respond well when I try to touch his wings or his hand. I don't want to harass him or anything."

Touya would push where pushing was necessary, but he wouldn't force himself on Yue. He respected the guardian, and he knew that demanding a touch when Yue was so skilled at evading him wasn't only unfair, but probably an impossible demand. What was the expression? The tighter the grip, the more sand slips through the fingers? Something like that. Perhaps it was better to observe the desert from afar for a while.

There really wasn't much point in keeping it secret, given that Yue had been listening in the first place; his response was an annoyed huff followed by chill silence, like a draft of air in winter. He certainly wasn't going to agree, but he also wasn't arguing, and the sulky response I am not "sulking" was answer enough for Yukito. Not that the guardian would appreciate being pushed, either, so he decided to leave that alone for now.

He lifted a hand, idly tracing a finger along the outline of the smiley face on Touya's shirt as he considered. "I keep forgetting that there are conversations that I remember and you don't," he finally observed, sounding thoughtful. "I should probably tell you about Clow-san, and where we come from. Do...you want to sit down, first?"

Touya felt his mind developing a burning hole--not a painful one, but it felt like his brain was melting as he watched Yuki run his finger on his chest. This was intense, maybe too intense. He was definitely attracted to Yuki, but was this kind of reaction really okay?

"What?" he said dumbly. Fortunately there was some kind of memory bank in his brain that had recorded what Yuki had said and was now (kindly) letting him in on what had transpired while he was on vacation. "Oh..."

Did they really have to talk about the future? He didn't want to know about whatever happened to him, it felt like cheating or something. However, he had to admit, he was curious about who 'Clow' was. Maybe he'd be let in on what Sakura was up to while magic things were impersonating her.

On the other hand, this might fill in some blanks. Help him act more like who he was supposed to be instead of a shell of who he was supposed to be.

"Sure..." Touya said, wincing internally. He didn't sound so sure, but nevertheless he took Yuki's hand and drew him over to the bed. He sat first. "What do I need to know?"

It wasn't the most enthusiastic or encouraging response, but it also wasn't a refusal. Yukito wavered for a moment before allowing himself to be led, then slowly settled beside Touya, pulling his feet up beside him. He was slightly distracted himself for a moment as Yue drew back, refusing to listen; he wasn't upset or angry about the fact that Yukito wanted to bring up that particular topic, as far as he could tell, but didn't want to hear any of it. Sometimes it felt like there was no separation at all between the two of them, but other times, like now, Yukito thought they couldn't be farther apart.

"Clow-san was a magician, who lived a long time ago," he began, still sounding a little unfocused, as he stared down at Touya's hand and his own. Some of this he'd already learned at home, back when he and Yue didn't communicate as easily or often, but some he now knew from being able to see into the guardian's memories himself. "A very powerful one. He created a number of magical beings with different abilities, sealed into the form of cards, and two guardians to watch over them and him. The other one you've probably also met - his false form looks like a small plush toy with wings."

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