ext_201926 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
thatdamnedninja.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
damned_institute2009-09-20 11:43 am
thatdamnedninja.livejournal.com) wrote in damned_institute2009-09-20 11:43 am
Entry tags:
- abe sapien,
- aidou,
- alec,
- alexander conklin,
- alfred,
- alkaid,
- allelujah,
- anise,
- artemis,
- asch,
- ayumu,
- batman,
- beatrix,
- beelzemon,
- brainiac 5,
- chise,
- claire bennet,
- claude,
- dahlia,
- daphne,
- dean winchester,
- depth charge,
- edgar,
- edward cullen,
- edward elric,
- endrance,
- euphemia,
- fai,
- falis,
- forte,
- giovanni,
- guy,
- haine,
- hanatarou,
- hanekoma,
- harley,
- haruno sakura,
- haseo,
- heiji,
- hime,
- hinamori momo,
- hitsugaya,
- hk-47,
- homura,
- honey,
- howl,
- indiana jones,
- jade,
- jason,
- javert,
- joshua,
- jun,
- junpei,
- kagura,
- kakashi,
- kanji,
- kaworu,
- keman,
- kibitoshin,
- kio,
- kirk,
- klavier,
- kratos,
- kristoph,
- kurogane,
- kvothe,
- l,
- lelouch,
- leonard,
- lockdown,
- lockon (neil),
- loz,
- lugnut,
- manny,
- meche,
- mele,
- minato,
- nightcrawler,
- nigredo,
- otacon,
- peter parker,
- peter petrelli,
- phoenix,
- pied piper,
- reno,
- rey,
- rolo,
- ronixis,
- sai,
- sam winchester,
- sasuke,
- scar (tlk),
- schuldig,
- scott pilgrim,
- scourge,
- sechs,
- setsuna,
- sheena,
- shikamaru,
- sho,
- soma,
- sora,
- starscream,
- suzaku,
- sylar,
- sync,
- tenzen,
- teresa,
- terry,
- the flash,
- the scarecrow,
- tim drake,
- touya,
- tsubaki,
- tsuchimiya kagura,
- two-face,
- tyki,
- utena,
- venom,
- von karma,
- yohji,
- yuffie,
- yukari yakumo,
- zex,
- zoro
Day 44: breakfast
Yuffie had died.
No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…
Had it all been some kind of hallucination?
Had she imagined the whole thing?
No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.
The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.
Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…
[Closed to Sheena]
No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…
Had it all been some kind of hallucination?
Had she imagined the whole thing?
No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.
The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.
Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…
[Closed to Sheena]
no subject
She couldn't help but sway a little at the thought, and had to sit down quickly in order to avoid passing out completely. Euphie felt completely overwhelmed by the thought that was repeating in her head like the worst kind of broken record, a thought that made her feel sick and dizzy and completely powerless.
Everyone you know from home died last night, and you couldn't stop it.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she sat trying to make some sense of it all, and she couldn't see anything clearly anymore, but in a way that helped. If she honestly couldn't see Suzaku as she spoke, wouldn't that hurt less? She thought so.
"I believe you," she started, voice quavering with the effort to keep from crying. "I believe you. Things were strange here, too...the walls flickered a few times, as if they were some kind of illusion. And..." She took another long, slow breath, and despite all her efforts to remain at least somewhat calm, she could feel her pulse racing. The only thing to do was to say it.
"I ran into Lelouch last night. Please, don't be angry - it wasn't intentional, and as you can see, I'm fine. But...well. We got to talking, and I think I fell asleep after a while. I woke up to the sound of a strange announcement over the intercom. I don't know what the first part meant. It was something about a program reaching completion, then a strange man came on, but I couldn't really make out what he was saying. The next thing I knew, there was all this screaming on the intercom, and he was on the floor, and there was so much blood around him."
Euphie couldn't stop her tears at this point, no more than she could stop the words that were flowing just as fast as the tears. "I said I'd get a doctor or someone, but...he said not to, that it was too late, and that I shouldn't worry. And...and there wasn't anything I could do, but say everything would be all right. It was worse because Nunnally was here yesterday as a visitor, and...all I could do was say I'd take care of her, but I can't, not from here, and I don't know if he's all right or anything. I know, I must sound terrible after what you said yesterday, but I just...I can't abandon anyone."
She was shaken out of her thoughts by the sound of a familiar voice across the room. While she was glad to know he was at least alive...what in the world was going on? She just watched in silence as Lelouch and the boy he'd been speaking with were both dealt with by nurses, and then turned back towards Suzaku. Euphie couldn't look at him, though, not after that.
no subject
And yet, on some level Suzaku was aware that it wasn't Lelouch he hated anymore. What he had done was horrible, far too horrible to think of now that Suzaku knew what it felt like for her to die, but in the end he was just young and stupid and had made a mistake. Like Suzaku himself. And no matter how much Suzaku wanted to hate him, it was only getting harder with time.
Which was why. . . Lelouch couldn't be dead. He wasn't, because he was supposed to live on with Suzaku and fix everything. They had to make up for the things they'd done, and Suzaku couldn't do it without Lelouch. He stared in Euphie in utter incomprehension, her words barely sinking in. The fact that everyone had died, everyone was going to die, even Lelouch -- it was too much. On some level, Suzaku knew Lelouch deserved it, because Euphie in all her innocence should have never had to feel her life drain away like that. But he couldn't. . . he couldn't conceive of how he might go on without Lelouch. The idea was unthinkable, didn't even make sense.
And Euphie -- Euphie had to be there and watch him die. Suzaku knew she cared about him, that she had no idea how much he deserved it. It wasn't fair to make her go through that pain, no matter how fair it might be for Lelouch to die. Suzaku was supposed to be protecting both of them, dammit, and he hadn't saved either of them from death or pain or anything. He hadn't been with them like he should have been, and the person he had been with -- he hadn't saved her either. He couldn't even save himself. It didn't matter if he and Yuffie were alive again, or even if Lelouch was alright, because now he knew he would fail if it were ever real.
Everyone was dying or already dead, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Suzaku sank into his seat as well, eyes slightly unfocused. This was too much for him to understand, when all he'd ever wanted to do was protect everyone. And it might as well be over now, if Lelouch was dead. Everything was over if there was no Lelouch.
It was terribly ironic that said person chose that moment to start screaming at the top of his lungs. Suzaku sat bolt upright once again, gaze sharpening on the figure far across the room, and he'd never been so glad to see anyone in his life. It didn't even register, at first, who Lelouch was yelling at or what he was saying. And then the words "you killed Shirley" finally filtered through. You. . . what? Lelouch was responsible for Shirley's death, wasn't he? He regretted it, Suzaku knew that, but at the shrine he'd said -- but Lelouch always lied. And Suzaku always believed him. It couldn't be that. . . God, how could he have been so stupid?
Suzaku couldn't show anything on his face, he knew that. Euphie didn't know Rolo, she didn't know Shirley, she shouldn't know what any of it meant. So all he had to do was not react. That was all he'd been doing since he'd seen her again, hiding everything away, and he knew he could do it. He was useless when it came to all his pretty ideals, so the least he could do was become as cruel and emotionless and hidden-away as Lelouch, if only to save her any more pain. He wasn't good for anything else, that much was obvious by now.
"Looks like he's alive," he finally managed, looking at her kindly (that much was genuine). He couldn't say anything else on the subject, and he didn't want her to ask questions. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, for once expressing sympathy rather than guilt, and he took her hand again. He had to pretend to be the kind person she thought he was, but it wasn't so hard, not when he was looking into those eyes. "That must have been so horrible. But I'm -- I'm still here, and so is Lelouch. We're not going to leave you." Lies, probably.
no subject
At the same time, though, she was curious, and even if she wasn't sure that she wanted to know all of the answers, if that event had hurt both Lelouch and Suzaku, then she wanted to at least be able to provide some comfort. She glanced over to where the boy who had talked to Lelouch had been sitting, but he was no longer there. His nurse must have led him out, she thought, but she'd have to make a note to talk to him later.
Of course, that in and of itself wasn't going to be easy, not after that mess on the bulletin board this morning. Euphemia shook her head in disapproval as she thought about it. She didn't know the boy, and she didn't know what that whole uproar had been about, but no one deserved that kind of attention. Now that she thought about it...she recognized that handwriting, and it made her feel a little ill. She squeezed Suzaku's hand back, trying to control the trembling in her arm.
"I know. And that's more important than anything else. I know that you'll be there," she said, with a small smile. "And that you won't leave."
no subject
Shaking his head, Suzaku turned his full attention on Euphie. Lelouch could handle himself, and he'd never heard of anyone being seriously hurt by the sedation here, unless they were still sedated at night. The nurses treating Lelouch like some animal made his blood boil, but for Euphie's sake he would stay calm.
In fact, he even managed a bit of a smile, just because he didn't want to see her looking sad anymore. He knew now more than ever that her fate was sealed, so the most he could do was make sure she stayed happy. "Thank you for trusting me." The words tasted like bitter saltwater, but he kept smiling.
"And you -- are you going to be alright? If you're not, after last night -- that's okay. It's okay to be upset." His smile faded a bit then, but he wanted her to know that she didn't have to be strong for him. She shouldn't have to go around carrying burdens for everyone else, especially not him and Lelouch.
no subject
"You don't have to thank me for that," she answered, the smile returning to her face. "It's not even a question to me. I know I can always rely on you, no matter what," Euphie added. That much was true - no matter what, she knew she would have people to rely on. She didn't mean to do it more than she had to, because making trouble was the last thing she wanted to do for them, but she was glad for it nonetheless.
"I..." She paused thoughtfully before answering that last question. "I'm not okay, but I will be," she answered, the only thing she could say. "I'm scared of what else might happen, but the only thing any of us can do is keep moving forward, so, I will."
no subject
And so when he looked back at her, this time his smile was real. Slight, but real. "I want to thank you. You -- you've always been so good to me." It was something he always wished he'd had the chance to say. But he couldn't get sentimental now. He should just be thankful he had the chance to say it at all.
"And. . " He wasn't sure what to say to that. He couldn't stand the thought of her being so traumatized by the night before, but there wasn't anything he could do about it, besides simply being there if she ever needed him. She'd have to heal on her own, as much as he wanted to take the pain away. But Euphie had always been strong.
"You're right. That's all we can do. Still, I promise -- I'll do my best not to let them hurt you or Lelouch again." Do my best wasn't something he was used to saying; he usually just did. He didn't want to lie any more to her, however, and didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep. He would probably fail, so all he could do was try.
no subject
"Thank you, Suzaku. You're always looking out for me, and I can't thank you enough for that. Really, I can't. I...I know what happened last night was something you would want to prevent, but there wasn't anything anyone could do. It doesn't do anyone any good to blame themselves in a situation like that. All we can do is move forward and look out for the ones we care about." She punctuated the sentence with a nod.
"Ah. About that..." She looked down at the table again. "You saw what happened on the board this morning? Well...that strange person tried to contact me before that. I don't think his intentions are good in the slightest. If he tries anything, I can call for you, right?" Her expression was more strained than it had been before - it was one thing to be in a situation with no control, but almost worse to have what equated to a target painted on one's back.
no subject
"You shouldn't thank me either," he replied. "Even if we shouldn't blame ourselves --" except he should "-- I should still do everything I can to keep it from happening. It's. . . out of love." And he'd made a promise to Lelouch. Several, in fact.
Speaking of which, he had a few suspicions about that person on the board. Lelouch hadn't made that many visible enemies in the Institute, at any rate, and Sam would probably mind his own business if they left Dean alone. And Homura and Okita weren't enemies so much as skeptics. Which left Porky. Suzaku didn't care about Rolo, but if that man came near Lelouch or Euphemia again. . . Euphie wouldn't approve of the results, but Suzaku might not be able to stop himself. After all, he wasn't the same person she used to know.
"I saw that. And I think I might know who he is. He's threatened Lelouch before, and he's smarter than he looks, so be careful. Of course I'll try to protect you from him." Though he wasn't sure how she would call for him. "By the way, what's your room number? Mine's M28."