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damned_institute2009-09-20 11:43 am
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Day 44: breakfast
Yuffie had died.
No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…
Had it all been some kind of hallucination?
Had she imagined the whole thing?
No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.
The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.
Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…
[Closed to Sheena]
No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…
Had it all been some kind of hallucination?
Had she imagined the whole thing?
No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.
The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.
Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…
[Closed to Sheena]
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He, of course, remembered this detail regarding the absent apology. It had been a point he wanted to bring up during the 'game' with Albedo. That is, until the whole thing spiraled out of control. Klavier didn't really react to that because he didn't buy it. No matter what world or dimension someone was from, an apology or lack thereof did not warrant a suitable motive for murder. That was just ridiculous. It wasn't the lack of apology, it was the action that warranted an apology in the first place. An 'I'm sorry' likely wouldn't change anything even if it had been offered.
"Somewhat," he answered carefully. "Strangely enough, he said nothing about an apology. But he mentioned something about... you trying first." He paused for a moment and decided to make an amendment. With so many confusing details, he shouldn't be paraphrasing for the sake of what he thought made more sense personally. "Actually, no. He said you did and then changed his phrasing to 'you tried to.' He's rather fond of vague answers, isn't he?"
He glanced away for just a second. Despite the subject, he was sounding relatively casual about this. He wasn't quite sure how much of it to believe, considering the source. It'd be a lie to say he didn't hope that there was some kind of misinterpretation going on here. So he was approaching this with skepticism and objectivity. Distance. He wasn't sure what to think on the entire matter. It sounded like a matter of who started what, but in the end, none of that mattered. All that mattered was how to fix it before something horrible happened. But understanding the roots was essential to understanding the problem. He turned his gaze back to Nigredo. "So you've had a fight before this incident."
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There was a stretch of silence before Nigredo continued. He had to be careful; any twist could eventually return to him in full force. "You could call it a fight." His eyes returned Klavier's gaze. "There was an accident. He attacked me when he wasn't himself. I fought back because I had no choice. We crossed a line, and I--"
Here, the boy paused abruptly as a new thought formed in his head. "Before I can continue," he began, tone devoid of previous aspects, "you must agree to never speak of this to anyone. Especially my brothers and especially Rubedo." He turned away. "If you violate this term, I...won't forgive you." What this meant was up for interpretation, but he trusted Klavier enough for the man to get the gist and choose what was best.
Like avoiding the entire line of conversation.
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Yes, he could see where this was going. He also could see how a misinterpretation could be at play with these new facts in mind. Of course, that all depended on what exactly Nigredo meant by this idea of Albedo attacking when he 'wasn't himself,' which was admittedly the point that caught Klavier's attention the most.
But before any further elaboration, Nigredo interrupted himself with an absolute, dead serious tone. The proposition took him by surprise. Rubedo? Why especially Rubedo? So far, this seemed like a matter that focused entirely on the two in question. How exactly did the redhead equate in all this? And how bad was this situation that Nigredo actually requested it be kept quiet? Not that it made a difference. Klavier took pride in maintaining his promises of confidentiality, both on and off the job. People only asked such things because they were placing a certain degree of trust in him, and to violate that would be dispicable and unforgiveable. It would take something fairly severe to get him to do so.
He nodded his head and gave him a small reassuring smile; a professional habit that thankfully stuck with him despite the circumstances. "Whatever you say will remain between us. You have my word." He assumed if Nigredo really didn't want to talk about something, he wouldn't. And if he did, he would. Unless Nigredo started getting visibly distressed, Klavier was likely going to plow through this questoning.
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A substantial amount of backtracking was required to fully illustrate his point, and Nigredo took a minute to consider where to begin. Finally, it came to him, albeit in a form he had not expected. "Do you recall our last conversation?" the boy questioned. "At one time, I mentioned we were created to destroy a dangerous phenomenon. The details of this 'phenomenon' are mostly irrelevant to you, but there are a couple of facts you need to understand. A person contaminated by it can be driven to madness, usually to the point of death. Albedo..." Voice wavered, uncertain. "Albedo wasn't fortunate enough to die."
Emotions rose and dipped low with the sentence, before he saw the need to push them down. Now wasn't the time for affect. "Anyway," continued Nigredo, "I also mentioned something else in our conversation: our waveforms have the capacity to disintegrate our opposing waveform and perform certain tasks." Klavier should know this well, given what occurred afterward. If the subject wasn't so dire, Nigredo might have chuckled at the memory.
"Rubedo maintains the most powerful waveform out of all of us, making him the perfect antithesis of the phenomenon. My father even gave this trait a code name." Which was, again, beyond what Klavier needed to know. "Are you with me so far?"
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He, of course, remembered the dangerous phenomenon Nigredo had previously described as the anti-waveform to consciousness, which was an extremely difficult concept for him to wrap his mind around precisely. Hearing that this phenomenon could actually contaminate a person was very eye opening... and it made a great deal of sense. Should anti-consciousness infect consciousness, obviously the consciousness would no longer be able to function and cause madness. It was like some kind of radiation that affected the mind, but on a whole other level. Klavier could see now why it seemed like a good idea to take extreme measures in fighting such a thing.
And Albedo had been contaminated. ...That must have been the accident, yes? Likely such a thing wouldn't have been done on purpose (hopefully not). His mind had been exposed to that radiation, and that was why he acted the way he did? Klavier had imagined more a slobbering, spastic type of madness as a side effect not... that. But, fine. It wasn't his place to question the facts Nigredo was placing before him.
"Rubedo? Really?" He hadn't meant to say that out loud but too late. The one of them that seemed to act the most like an average child was actually the strongest? The one who was kicking soccer balls at walls? Honestly? Huh.
"Ah, yes. I'm following along," he said quickly so as to brush that earlier comment aside. He didn't want Nigredo to deviate from the story now that he'd told him this much. They were all born for the sake of dispelling this anti-waveform and so have the ability to counteract it... among other things, Rubedo being the strongest of them. Albedo was exposed to it in some kind of accident and went mad. ...Wait, Nigredo wasn't going to say he was responsible for the accident, was he?
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"Good. Here, then, is the connecting factor." He inhaled nasally. This portion required precision to convey as going into specific details was forbidden, in more than one way. "Despite how effective it is, Rubedo's power is highly unstable. Should his emotions go out of control or should he break down psychologically, this power has the potential to overtake him. A berserker, you can say." A term that hopefully needed no introduction.
"To prevent the worst, Father created a fail-safe system. Someone to control and subdue Rubedo should he lose control." The child trailed off. Klavier could put two and two together, and Nigredo did not have the energy to save it outright.
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And, indeed, it didn't take Klavier long at all to realize what it was Nigredo was saying. He stared at him in disbelief, hints of open shock crossing his face. Now he understood why this was to be kept from Rubedo. "...Nigredo." He sounded a touch sad. "You..."
Then, his emotions shifted. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, he felt a rage building up in his chest, though it certainly wasn't directed at the child. Nigredo had been born specifically so they could pit him against his own brother?! What a monstrous thing to do!! How could anyone think to do such a thing? It was like they were solely being used as containers for--
That was it. That was the crux of this whole thing, wasn't it? They were regarded as mere containers for this power, objects to utilize. 'Weapons.' Now things were making more sense. It made Klavier sick to think anyone could possibly justify treating anyone this way. It was wrong! Obviously this type of knowledge would probably lead to a certain degree of guilt, but the weight with which Nigredo trailed off only infuriated him more. Obviously, the boy had been informed of this purpose... multiple times.
"Nigredo," he repeated. "You know... You know being born for something and being something are two very different things, right?" Please, let him understand that. Klavier wasn't seeing what any of this had to do with Albedo or this rock incident, but he was already getting upset by this concept. Regardless of what his capabilities or 'purpose' was, no one should have to feel guilt for their birth.
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Nigredo bit at his lower lip--eyes locked on the food before him--not knowing if he should continue the story or let the man have his say. Either was inevitable; he just didn't know which was less desirable.
Klavier decided for him when he touched on something, the very question that hung over the variant's head like the edge of a knife. A fragile part he never knew cracked at the inquiry, and without meaning to, the warmth around his eyes brimmed over. Water droplets fell across his cheeks and onto his lap, things that really only Klavier should catch at the moment. Everyone else was too focused on their own business.
"How am I supposed to answer this?" he finally asked, calm despite the expression. "When everyone wants me to say something different?"
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All straight, professional facades instantly evaporated, and the elder man was in utter shock. Then barely contained panic. He had no idea what to do, what to say! He hadn't the slightest clue how to handle an upset child. Heck, he didn't even know what he had done to warrant this kind of reaction! He thought he'd been reassuring, verifying that just because he was born for a certain reason didn't mean he was obligated to follow that path.
Everyone expected him to say something different? What was that supposed to mean?! Was Klavier treating Nigredo too much like a person and not so much as a child? He might not have that great a sense of personal identity and defiance yet. Maybe saying something against what his 'parents' told him was... mentally frustrating? Argh, who knew?! Klavier didn't know anything about child psychology. All he knew was he wanted Nigredo to stop crying. Now.
Klavier glanced around quickly to be sure no one was looking at this and misinterpreting what was happening (again). He held up both hands, waving them slightly in a bit of a frantic gesture. He still looked somewhere between concerned and scared. "W-Wait! I didn't mean to say anything to upset you! Honestly! I-I don't..." Damn. What was he supposed to say? "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm not expecting any specific answers! You don't even have to answer if you don't want to! It's okay! Really!"
Just please stop crying!
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A sigh escaped his lips. "Don't apologize. I went off track." A pause. "Sorry."
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But seeing Nigredo calm down was a bit reassuring, and Klavier himself calmed a little, relieved to see the child hadn't completely broken down on him. Though he still felt a touch nervous after that. He had to keep in mind to watch what he said and be more sensitive. As he should have known to be from the beginning. Stupid.
"I'll... try to keep that in mind," he said, half-jokingly (since that advice should have been obvious. "...Are you okay to continue or... would you rather not?" He'd be sure to keep his big mouth shut for the remainder of the story this time.
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Nigredo once again ran a hand against his eyes. "I'm fine," he assured. "You have to hear the rest anyway." Lest these points never connect and his embarrassing outburst come to nothing. "This control over Rubedo is a bit misleading. When berserk, the waveform cannot be restrained unless you also kill the bearer. The fail-safe system, therefore, is entirely destructive." As with the time before, he extended a right hand to the space in front of him, only with fingers stretched wide and the red numbers shown clearly. "I actually didn't know this until recently."
Pieces collided with the statement, and the U.R.T.V. took a minute to reevaluate his own phrase. Finally, he shook his head, perplexed at the interruption. "In any case," continued Nigredo, distracted, "Rubedo isn't the only one who can be affected by the fail-safe."
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We have Rubedo with some kind of power that could blow out of control if he got too upset, Nigredo who was supposed to kill him should it ever come to that, and Albedo who had been infected by something and gone mad to point of trying to kill Nigredo as well. This was more heart-wrenching than he could have imagined. More so, since he didn't really believe any of them wanted any part in this interfamily conspiricy. ...Except possibly Albedo, but there was at least a bit of doubt in his case. Maybe.
Klavier had glanced down and noticed the numbers branded onto the child's hand, a red 669. However, he made a point not to stare and maintain his focus on Nigredo's face as he spoke, but the fact that he had been marked with a number caused another wave of swallowed down distress.
"No?" he asked for the sake of clarity. That was strange. If one were to ignore the human part of the situation, wouldn't it make more sense for a 'fail-safe' to only affect whatever it was supposed to be counteracting? What exactly was this 'fail-safe' system, anyway? Klavier wanted to know, but at the same time, he somewhat didn't. "So it's something that can affect anyone is what you're saying?"
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His fingers curled against his palm, causing the numbers to disappear. Unaware, the child continued in the explanation. "In regards to Albedo, he is Rubedo's identical twin. Furthermore, they were conjoined in the first 28 weeks of their conception." The detail was a rarity among artificial children, which made the situation more of a special case. "What you do for one can apply to the other, even for something meant to use against Rubedo."
"That night, after the accident..." The calm continued in the boy's voice, despite every urge to become embittered fighting against him. "I don't remember much of the details, but... Some time during our fight, I activated the fail-safe against him. If not for his accelerated healing, he might have died." Instead, for better or worse, the albino lived.
He again looked up at Klavier, eyes searching. Expectant. "You can see why he would want to kill me." And why... "I deserve it."
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This was certainly complicated, but Klavier could understand the bitter relationship better now. This was an act of revenge on Albedo's part for Nigredo's attempt on his life. ...Panic which led to excessive force in self defense. It was a story he'd heard before. That didn't make it right, but...
"...Let's not jump to conclusions," he said bluntly. "There's no one person to blame. I can see why you and he would be at odds with each other, yes, but no one 'deserves' anything of the sort." Period. That was just common sense and wasn't up for argument.
But he wasn't sure what else to say one the subject. It was a complex delicate situation. Despite the family relation, or more especially due to that, he couldn't see the two able to make amends very easily. If it were he and his brother, Klavier couldn't imagine forgiving Kristoph either... but that was a little different and not something he wanted to ever consider too deeply. The fact that Albedo wasn't at his most stable didn't much help the situation either.
He scratched the back of his head, a bit lost as to what to say that could possibly alleviate the situation, but he couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be a lie. Maybe it was too much for him to assume he could help in any way...
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Silence extended between them for a minute more, before Nigredo chanced a question. "What do you think?" he asked, soft and quiet. More in tune with his physical age. "You have a brother. Would you..." He swallowed. "Would you forgive him if he tried to kill you? Even if he didn't mean it?"
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He looked away from Nigredo, an obvious, almost squirming discomfort taking over his body language as he considered this idea. This was somewhat unfair since his relationship with Kristoph was a bit complicated in its own right and was a little... different. He was more than just some brother to him. Kristoph was everything. Saying he was a role model and a motivation was barely scratching at the surface.
He took a quiet breath and tried to imagine what it would be like to have Kristoph actually try to kill him, trying hard to keep his face neutrally introspective as he did so. That was more than a murder attempt. It was like a betrayal in every sense of the word. Could he possibly forgive that?
"...I'd be lying if I said the idea doesn't upset me," he said carefully, turning his eyes to Nigredo's face. "It's fairly horrible to consider, actually. But as for the answer... It's hard to say. It somewhat depends on the situation. If it was an accident or he didn't mean to... that would be easier to forgive. In a situation like yours, if I did something that placed him in danger and he felt there was no other choice," he couldn't imagine such a thing happening, "I could forgive him for that as well." In that situation, Klavier would likely be the one begging for forgiveness...
"However, if he did it purposely for whatever reason... it would be very hard to do that." He paused again, really thinking about that one. "...Actually, no. I would say such a thing is normally completely unforgivable, but... because he is my brother, the possibility of forgiveness is greater than the contrary. It would depend... on whether or not he seemed truly sorry and how sincere he was in trying to make that up. If he seemed to truly regret it... it might be possible to put such things behind us."
Sort of. A murder attempt was not something that could ever be completely swept under the carpet and buried with time. Complete trust could never be restored once it had been broken. But it was true that if Kristoph did such a thing and seemed to really regret what had happened, then... Klavier couldn't say he could possibly resent him for long.
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What Klavier said, however, exceeded the boy's expectations, and he found the nature of his stare shifting to something like respect. The man had spoken the truth purely from his standpoint, without sugarcoated reasons or harsh bluntness. Just a thought to consider and nothing more. This set him apart from a good deal of adults.
"...I know I sidetracked the conversation again, but thank you." Nigredo managed a thin smile. "Was there anything else you needed clarification on?" At another time, this question might have warranted the worst, but now it seemed a degree more bearable.
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He cut himself off right there. Opening up completely and blurting out every stupid thing that came to his mind wasn't going to help anyone. Saying he wished he could help when he had no way of doing so was only a waste of effort. If you have time to wish, you have time to figure something out.
He quickly shifted to cover up the dumb statement that almost was. "Ah. Actually. You can avoid answering if you'd rather not but... aside from the accident and the rock incident, how are the three of you doing exactly?" Maybe he needed to specify that a little bit. "Ah, when I was speaking to Albedo he seemed..." like a bipolar, delusional little impulsive liar with the ability to cry on command "...ah, able to shift and hide his behavior for a given situation. Are these conflicts a constant between you three or is this usually more subdued in nature. ...Or do you all tend to avoid one another?"
This might have seemed like a dumb or intrusive question, but how prominent the friction was between them and how they were dealing with it at the moment were important points to consider.
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In an instant, the smile vanished, the child's countenance caught in a daze. He watched the man openly for a long minute, finally allowing a semblance of comprehension once Klavier clarified. "It..." It's complicated?
He blinked. Problems were copious among the three, it was true, but the actual working relationship? His lips tightened to a line as he remembered the last couple of nights. Dramatic shifts aside, they had been together, which was more times than he could count in the few weeks before this place. Not to mention...
But hadn't he concluded that suspicion?
"All three could apply, as hard as it is to believe." Which Nigredo wouldn't blame Klavier if he could not. "We somehow managed them in sequence while checking out the basement last night."
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Thankfully, there was another element to focus on that had nothing to do with powers and the potentially supernatural. In fact, it caught his attention almost immediately. "...The basement? There's a basement?"
He had looked over every inch of those makeshift, hand-drawn maps, and nowhere did he recall seeing anything about a basement. That fact sent a twinge of annoyance. If someone was going to put up maps, the least they could do was make sure they were complete. Or at least mark them as incomplete. If there was an unmarked basement, who knew what else wasn't specified. "...I haven't heard anything about a basement. What's down there?"
If he had to take a guess, it was likely a much larger version of the supply closets. Considering the size of the institute itself, it was likely a labyrinth of shelves and equipment. Not the safest sounding place, but likely an area that housed something useful. ...Was the boiler there? That would actually be interesting to note.
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As for the interior, the answer proved a tad bit difficult for a child who couldn't quite describe antiquities. Most of the objects were too old to form a cohesive term. And he couldn't say the basement looked like a warehouse or a gymnasium. Despite the size, neither fit. "It's...hard to describe," admitted Nigredo.
In a fit of inspiration, he reached under his tray and pulled out his notebook, the one he used mainly for posting notes. "The entry way was circular. And enormous. It's pretty comparable to the recreational field outside." A pen was dragged out from the boy's pocket as he continued. "The decor was ancient, too. Extremely elaborate and detailed-- Nothing I've ever seen before. Almost as if the area was meant for some kind of ceremony."
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But the existence of a hidden entrance to a whole other floor? That wasn't something one did overnight. Something that elaborate would have had to be a part of the original construction. Why would a mental facility have such a thing? This place... either was not originally an institute or it was... constructed especially. Possibly for the purpose of this operation. If that was true... No, a better point was why hide the entrance to a basement in the first place? What was down there worth hiding?
He was leaning forward, attentive and interested as Nigredo went on to describe the basement as best he could. For someone as observant as Nigredo, the fact that he found it hard to describe was even more interesting than anything. Ancient, elaborate decorations that seemed almost ceremonial? Herr Doktor, what are you doing? "The decorations were ancient? Did it look old and worn or like it had been constructed recently? ...You said it was just a wide, elaborate space, correct? Was there anything of interest the basement was housing at all?"
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The pen paused in its circular motion to nudge against the boy's lips, before continuing down the side in a line. "Correct. We only explored one portion, but there was a room we entered containing suits of armor and weaponry." He paused again as a memory shifted uncomfortably in his mind. "They were fairly ancient, too, but in good working order."
"The next room was a little problematic, though," muttered Nigredo, partly to himself.
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That was... an interesting looking basement. Depending on how large the circle room was, it could encompass the backyard, the cafeteria, and/or the sun room underground. He wasn't quite sure what was above this hall he was drawing. That was the direction of the Music Room, but if it was long, it would extend beyond that. He wanted to keep in mind what was where in relation to the main floor of the institute in case further doors were discovered.
Suits of armor and weapons (which he assumed were more decorative in nature, like lances and swords), was interesting, but it hardly warranted as anything worth hiding. Still, he would keep that detail in mind.
"Problematic? What was in the next room?" he asked, glancing at Nigredo momentarily but keeping his eyes focused mainly on the diagram.
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