Suzaku did feel a little better after his talk with Sen, miraculously enough. Of course, "better" was completely relative, because nothing could really fix the feeling of being ripped to shreds. Not to mention having to pretend he was still whole, for her sake. But what was left of him had rediscovered some element of determination, and while Sen hadn't actually been referring to Lelouch when she'd told Suzaku to talk to his friend, the idea was in his head now and it wasn't leaving any time soon. If Lelouch was going to be an idiot, Suzaku would just find him and beat some sense into him.
The most frustrating thing, Suzaku thought as he stalked through the Sun Room and checked the Game Room, was that Lelouch's actions didn't even make sense on a logical level. That was rare enough already, but when it came to Euphie? Lelouch had already proven he could use her with inhuman levels of ruthlessness. If he felt anything for her, it was an emotion of little consequence that could be easily overridden. So Suzaku had no idea why he'd make such a strategically stupid move like dismissing his knight. It was almost funny that now that Suzaku had learned to make use of cold reason, Lelouch abandoned it.
Unless -- did he think Suzaku wasn't fit as a knight anymore? Or at least that he wouldn't be fit now that Euphie was here, if he would be focusing on her all the time? Did Lelouch honestly think he didn't need Suzaku? For God's sake -- that couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Then again, Suzaku had already betrayed him enough times that Lelouch would have reason to believe he couldn't rely on him.
Suzaku bit his lip, angrily slamming the door of the library after quickly determining Lelouch wasn't in there. (His nurse, still trailing along behind him, called out in admonishment, but he ignored her.) Finally, the Arts and Crafts room rewarded his search. He was pissed enough at this point to punch Lelouch in the face, but he knew that would just get him sedated, and goddammit, why wasn't he ever allowed to show anything he felt? The strain of hiding everything was grating on his frayed nerves, and he felt about ready to snap, if his angry outbursts on the board earlier didn't already count.
"Lelouch," he nearly snarled, stomping over to the other boy and grabbing his shoulder none-too-gently. He jerked him up from the chair with little regard for whatever Lelouch had been doing, so the other boy would have to face him. "What the hell is your pro --" And that's when he got a good look at Lelouch's eyes. "-- blem. . ."
Suzaku trailed off, completely at a loss. He just stared, unable to believe that Lelouch had cried not once, but twice since they'd gotten here, when he'd always envisioned him as -- being made of stone, or something like that. The shock was nearly painful; he'd almost made himself forget Lelouch's reaction that first night, and the things he'd said the night after. It brought into sharp relief what Euphie had said about him that morning. He just -- he couldn't -- Lelouch had a heart somewhere in there, that much was sure, but he'd still done all those terrible things. Suzaku couldn't forget that. And he couldn't let Lelouch walk away, either. And he couldn't bring himself to yell at Lelouch when he looked like this, either! Which left him with -- what? Why did everything have to be so complicated?!
"What happened?" he finally asked, roughly, but the hardness in his expression was mostly forced at this point. Because he just didn't even know how to react.
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The most frustrating thing, Suzaku thought as he stalked through the Sun Room and checked the Game Room, was that Lelouch's actions didn't even make sense on a logical level. That was rare enough already, but when it came to Euphie? Lelouch had already proven he could use her with inhuman levels of ruthlessness. If he felt anything for her, it was an emotion of little consequence that could be easily overridden. So Suzaku had no idea why he'd make such a strategically stupid move like dismissing his knight. It was almost funny that now that Suzaku had learned to make use of cold reason, Lelouch abandoned it.
Unless -- did he think Suzaku wasn't fit as a knight anymore? Or at least that he wouldn't be fit now that Euphie was here, if he would be focusing on her all the time? Did Lelouch honestly think he didn't need Suzaku? For God's sake -- that couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Then again, Suzaku had already betrayed him enough times that Lelouch would have reason to believe he couldn't rely on him.
Suzaku bit his lip, angrily slamming the door of the library after quickly determining Lelouch wasn't in there. (His nurse, still trailing along behind him, called out in admonishment, but he ignored her.) Finally, the Arts and Crafts room rewarded his search. He was pissed enough at this point to punch Lelouch in the face, but he knew that would just get him sedated, and goddammit, why wasn't he ever allowed to show anything he felt? The strain of hiding everything was grating on his frayed nerves, and he felt about ready to snap, if his angry outbursts on the board earlier didn't already count.
"Lelouch," he nearly snarled, stomping over to the other boy and grabbing his shoulder none-too-gently. He jerked him up from the chair with little regard for whatever Lelouch had been doing, so the other boy would have to face him. "What the hell is your pro --" And that's when he got a good look at Lelouch's eyes. "-- blem. . ."
Suzaku trailed off, completely at a loss. He just stared, unable to believe that Lelouch had cried not once, but twice since they'd gotten here, when he'd always envisioned him as -- being made of stone, or something like that. The shock was nearly painful; he'd almost made himself forget Lelouch's reaction that first night, and the things he'd said the night after. It brought into sharp relief what Euphie had said about him that morning. He just -- he couldn't -- Lelouch had a heart somewhere in there, that much was sure, but he'd still done all those terrible things. Suzaku couldn't forget that. And he couldn't let Lelouch walk away, either. And he couldn't bring himself to yell at Lelouch when he looked like this, either! Which left him with -- what? Why did everything have to be so complicated?!
"What happened?" he finally asked, roughly, but the hardness in his expression was mostly forced at this point. Because he just didn't even know how to react.