"I came very close to losing it completely," Ken said frankly, watching Aya in turn. "For the longest time, I thought being in Weiss, what we did, was nothing more than a necessary evil. I hated it. I was afraid, fucking terrified, every time we went out on a mission. I knew what we were doing wasn't right, neither were the people we were going after--but I never thought that justified what we did, not completely."
How else could he explain a descent that he didn't completely understand himself? It had taken him years to fall to the point he had finally hit--and just when he thought he'd gotten himself back, somewhat, to the way he had been--he'd found himself in this God forsaken place and the descent had started again, in its own way.
"That changed. I changed. I began to enjoy the missions, I wanted to kill, tear, rip--it made me feel alive. Everything else couldn't even begin to compare. When Weiss disbanded and we all went our separate ways, I went out looking for fights, with drunks, street brawlers, yakuza thugs--I didn't give a shit. I barely ate, slept less, and sometimes I tried to keep track of Yohji. Somehow I knew he was as bad off as I was. You stayed with Kritiker. Omi became Persia. And finally he decided he needed us back, probably where he could keep an eye on us." Ken snorted. "When he sent you to find us, I agreed to return to Weiss without even a second thought."
This was exhausting. Really it was. But he wasn't done yet.
"Yohji took a bit more convincing, but he returned as well. He'd been seeing visions of Asuka for the last few months, I think, and the drugs and drink probably only made it worse. The two of us were completely fucked up, and to balance it out, we were assigned two new kids, straight out of training. Kyo and I had already been...acquainted. Sena was never meant for it, but he had a relationship to our next target. Mamoru decided that the kid could be used to draw her out. It ended bad all around."
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How else could he explain a descent that he didn't completely understand himself? It had taken him years to fall to the point he had finally hit--and just when he thought he'd gotten himself back, somewhat, to the way he had been--he'd found himself in this God forsaken place and the descent had started again, in its own way.
"That changed. I changed. I began to enjoy the missions, I wanted to kill, tear, rip--it made me feel alive. Everything else couldn't even begin to compare. When Weiss disbanded and we all went our separate ways, I went out looking for fights, with drunks, street brawlers, yakuza thugs--I didn't give a shit. I barely ate, slept less, and sometimes I tried to keep track of Yohji. Somehow I knew he was as bad off as I was. You stayed with Kritiker. Omi became Persia. And finally he decided he needed us back, probably where he could keep an eye on us." Ken snorted. "When he sent you to find us, I agreed to return to Weiss without even a second thought."
This was exhausting. Really it was. But he wasn't done yet.
"Yohji took a bit more convincing, but he returned as well. He'd been seeing visions of Asuka for the last few months, I think, and the drugs and drink probably only made it worse. The two of us were completely fucked up, and to balance it out, we were assigned two new kids, straight out of training. Kyo and I had already been...acquainted. Sena was never meant for it, but he had a relationship to our next target. Mamoru decided that the kid could be used to draw her out. It ended bad all around."