Nightshift 40 - M31-M40 Hallway

[kindalikedit]

[From here]

Dean's flashlight flickered as he focused it on the room's door. M31. He had a winner. Normally he'd just let himself in - either by picking the door or kicking it down - but for some reason he didn't. Instead Dean knocked, rapping the door with his knuckles and waiting to be let in. Standing here felt good - he was supposed to be here and, his new-found confidence told him, he'd report. To who and for what? Dean didn't remember quite yet but it didn't seem to bother him at all as he waited outside in the dark, keeping an eye and ear out for anything that went bump in the night and needed to get bumped back. All the aches and pains from the last couple of nights here ceased to bother him as much as they had earlier: the cuts, the bruises, the bandages, everything took a backseat to getting into M31 and answering that compulsion.

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[superdynamic.livejournal.com]

Suzaku waited until Lelouch wasn't looking to roll his eyes. What was the point? Maybe he could have used the sheets, but what difference did it make? It's not like he had any problem exposing his body. Maybe Lelouch had a problem looking at his body, but that was just stupid.

Suzaku continued wrapping the bandage around Lelouch's shoulder, trying to work quickly as it was obvious that all the pressure and tugging was causing him pain. Still, he had to make these fairly tight or Lelouch would keep bleeding everywhere. Up to this point Suzaku had managed to regard the wounds from a clinical perspective in order to concentrate, but now that he was calming down he was starting to realize that there really was entirely too much blood, even on his own hands. Not that he wasn't used to blood, but it was Lelouch's blood. Suzaku could have gone a long while before seeing the blood of someone he cared about again.

He managed to choke down the mild horror enough to finish off the knot and go on to wrap the securing bandage around Lelouch's chest. This time he had to nudge both arms up, leaning even closer to pass the cloth behind Lelouch's back.

"I'm not enjoying seeing you hurt," he murmured as he did so. "But yes, I suppose I have to be a nanny if you're going to keep finding new and interesting ways to hurt yourself." Interesting indeed. They would have never had to deal with the stupid bird in the first place if Lelouch wasn't such a prude, but Suzaku was definitely not about to mention that.

[kingside]

In hindsight, it was probably a good thing Lelouch was blushing; Suzaku would have been alerted immediately that something was wrong if the pink staining his cheeks hadn't been there to mask the sickly pallor creeping into them. He was no stranger to blood, but as smell was the sense most strongly linked to memory and the attack from that cat had happened only the day before yesterday--

He shut his eyes again tightly and tried to focus on their mindless bickering instead of his growing nausea, dizziness, and keen awareness of just how comfortable the bed underneath him really was. The pain made it slightly easier to keep his thoughts focused on the present, but when the present hurt so damn much and there was an easy escape just below him...

Another shift in his position made him inhale sharply, bringing him back to the too-small room and the reassuring feeling of Suzaku's arms around him. It wasn't really an embrace, but with how close he was and how much effort staying upright seemed to take, Lelouch didn't feel at all awkward in giving in to that urge from earlier and resting his head on his former best friend's shoulder. There. Now, if the room would just stop spinning for a moment...

"I didn't do it on purpose," he sighed, his eyes still closed. "You're the masochist, not me. Remember?" Again, the question of why that bird hadn't seemed to notice Suzaku at all until he had kicked it-- unless there was more than one type of giant bird roaming the skies? Even if this one did seem to have some of the same tastes. It had probably just decided to go after the less obviously athletic of the two, Lelouch supposed. Then again, he'd never really asked-- they were not talking about this.

[superdynamic.livejournal.com]

Suzaku stiffened for a second at the feeling of Lelouch's head on his shoulder. With his arms slid under Lelouch's, his hands around his back, it felt like something very near to a hug. It wasn't bad, exactly, but he hadn't been this close to Lelouch in a long while. And he wasn't sure if they had the kind of relationship that left any room for hugging, either.

Suzaku also didn't think Lelouch would do something like that purely out of affection. Then again, he might be wrong, because it had already been proven that he couldn't predict a single thing the Prince would do tonight. But he couldn't help worrying that the pain and blood loss was finally getting to Lelouch, especially now that they were no longer arguing and the adrenaline was wearing off. He himself felt vaguely sick for the third time that evening, because his former best friend's blood was on his hands and the air was thick with the smell of it. A smell that drew up memories of bodies everywhere and Euphemia's blood all down his front.

But he banished those thoughts to the back of his mind, because if he started to get agitated it wouldn't help the person he was currently serving. "Lelouch?" he whispered, a sideways glance showing him nothing of Lelouch's face but a glimpse of pale skin hidden behind a mass of dark hair. Too pale, maybe? He couldn't tell. The bit of Lelouch's forehead he could feel against his bare skin felt cold, maybe a little sweaty, but it still wasn't enough to go on. "Don't pass out on me, okay?"

He should hurry up and finish the bandaging so Lelouch could lie down, but he didn't want to jostle the other boy too much. Bringing the ends of the strip of cloth back under Lelouch's arms, Suzaku made sure it felt snugly against the other bandages before worming his hands into the narrow space between their chests. Somehow he managed to pull the cloth tight and tie the ends without dislodging Lelouch's head from his shoulder. "Okay, all done. You should lie down." He placed a steadying hand on Lelouch's back, hoping he'd be able to move without fainting or throwing up or anything.

[kingside]

This was so unfair. Lelouch of all people didn't have the right to claim something like that, but with Suzaku there and still so blissfully unaware of everything that was going unsaid between them, it was just... so, so unbelievably unfair. They hadn't lost each other, and with Lelouch's silent resolution, they never would, but when what they had now was so very little compared to what it used to be-- was he really the only one who wanted that again? What had happened earlier that night had made him stop denying it at least, even if it hadn't been much of a denial in the first place when he kept catching himself slipping, but now that he'd given up trying to force some distance between them and chosen Suzaku's trust over freeing him from his self-loathing, almost all of the barriers Lelouch had built between them and his emotions had fallen. That meant...

"I'm not going to pass out," he said softly, opening his eyes but not yet pulling away. He wanted his best friend back. He wanted to laugh and joke with him without knowing it was all a pretense. He wanted to be able to look at him and not see the anger and resentment reserved for Euphy's killer instead of the warmth meant for an old friend. He wanted to have something that was more than a formal arrangement and would never be taken away or lost like everything else had. He could settle for having Suzaku as a knight, but when they had been so much more before, was it any wonder that he wanted it back now?

Sighing again, he lifted his head and slowly eased onto the bed, keeping his gaze averted just in case Suzaku could somehow know what he was thinking by the way he looked at him. At least there was always the excuse that his knight was shirtless, shameless, and brainless enough to warrant it. "Are you going to stay over again?" he asked, just to make conversation. He didn't want to go to sleep even though he needed it badly by now, but he couldn't say that. "You're too protective. If I didn't know any better, I might even call you obsessed."

[superdynamic.livejournal.com]

"Good," Suzaku muttered back. His hands fluttered awkwardly around Lelouch as his Prince lay down, warily in case he toppled over but hesitant to actually touch him. He was still vaguely discomfited by exactly how concerned he was for Lelouch's wellbeing. It was probably just a reaction to all the associations that came with knighthood, but he couldn't help feeling that this protectiveness went beyond the distant, practical concern he should have for an ally. At the same time, one thing was startlingly clear: he could not bear the thought of losing Lelouch. Not after what had happened to the last member of the Britannian royal family he had pledged himself to. (Discounted Charles, of course, because that had been a knighthood of convenience more than loyalty.)

Maybe he was being too protective, but he wasn't going to say that, because he didn't want to stop. "I'll guess I'll stay," he said for the sake of saying something. Might as well continue the pointless conversation when he wasn't sure what else to say to Lelouch right now. Maybe there were other things he should be saying, but he just needed some time to think. To figure out what Lelouch was to him and where to go from here. And he didn't even want to touch the subject of what he might be to Lelouch, because as masochistic as he might be sometimes, instinct told him to shy away from more of that same pain just now.

"That way I can perform all my nanny duties," he added lightly, pulling one of the sheets over Lelouch's body. "Like tucking you in -- didn't I say I might do that?" He made a great show of tucking the sheet in against Lelouch's sides, cruelly taking advantage of the fact that the other boy couldn't move much at the moment. It kept him safe from any potentially-dangerous flailing. "I could even tell you a bedtime story if you want." He was going to catch hell for this, but it was just too funny, and maybe he wasn't quite in his right mind after the emotionally draining night.

[kingside]

... He did not just-- he did. That-- "Idiot!" Lelouch snapped, freeing one of his arms and smacking at Suzaku ineffectually. Even at the best of times, he wouldn't have been able to do much damage, but weakened as he was now and unwilling to move in any significant way to make the hit land harder, it was a truly pathetic attempt to fight against this indignity. He tried to make up for it by growling a "Don't you dare," but with how much luck that particular tactic had had in the past, it was obviously time to try a different one.

"Have you forgotten what I said about special treatment already?" he asked, fully aware that it was underhanded of him to turn to that when the purposes behind saying it initially were completely obsolete by now. Suzaku didn't know that, though, and with how impossible it seemed to be for him to take anything related to the "nanny" insult seriously (when had it even become a joke?), he probably wouldn't read too far into it. "Stop it, Suzaku. That's an order." One that would also effectively kill any chances there were that they might keep talking, but if this was what he wanted to fixate on, Lelouch would be all too happy to end things there.

He also couldn't help but notice that Suzaku had avoided addressing his comment about how overprotective he was being, but that probably just meant that he couldn't think of an adequate retort for it. There were other possible explanations, of course, but when all of them were absolutely ridiculous, they didn't bear thinking on. They bore even less when Lelouch needed to at least pretend he wasn't interested in cultivating their friendship again. Suzaku couldn't know about that, not when he would only find some way to blame it on himself. His eagerness to do so with other matters was alarming enough; the last thing Lelouch wanted to do was encourage more of it.

[superdynamic.livejournal.com]

The corner of Suzaku's lip lifted at Lelouch's reaction. He was just so easy. Of course, Suzaku didn't want to piss him off too much, especially with all the unknowns at work between them right now. For example, the reaction Suzaku had to Lelouch's choice of protest. His nascent smile faltered.

Was Lelouch saying he didn't want to act like this with Suzaku, because he had no interest in friendship anymore? Not that Suzaku had any interest in friendship, but he could deal with a comfortable interaction, especially now when he was still off-balance and dizzy with relief. Lelouch was probably right, they shouldn't be acting like this, and they shouldn't be treating each other like friends. That didn't make the idea any less uncomfortable, for some still-incomprehensible reason. But Lelouch probably didn't mean it that way, he was probably just trying to get Suzaku to back off. That kind of comment would be uncalled-for otherwise. Even if Suzaku shouldn't care whether Lelouch felt that way or not.

Suzaku shoved the thoughts aside, because Lelouch couldn't have meant to say something so cold in response to a little joking around. "Yes, Your Highness," he answered, dropping the sheet and raising his hands to show his compliance. "So. . ." He glanced off to the side. He wasn't quite sure how to make conversation at this point, but thankfully matters of business came to the rescue. "Oh, what do you want me to do tomorrow?"

[kingside]

Even though Lelouch had anticipated that reaction, he hadn't expected Suzaku to take it quite so literally. If he'd known that he would, he probably wouldn't have said it, but then when he needed to remind himself of the distance between them, it was probably for the best. Keeping Suzaku at arm's length wasn't much of an improvement over actively pushing him away, but it was the only compromise Lelouch could think of that would accomplish everything he'd hoped for when it came to his knight-- almost everything, that is.

"Judging by the lack of response to your bulletin post, I'd say it's time to broaden the scope of your assignment," he said aloud, frowning faintly to himself and hoping that Suzaku would misinterpret it as being in consideration of his current plans were rather than what was said earlier. It was difficult to hide behind another mask now that he'd given up just about all of them, and drained as he was, he couldn't be bothered to make the effort. "See if you can get into contact with the people who have been modifying the radios or trying to make explosives. Needless to say, both would be very useful, but neither group seems to be terribly organized. I haven't had much of an opportunity to look into either yet, though, so I could be wrong. Either way, I'd like you to look into what progress both have made, what materials they need, and so on. I don't expect you'll find much, but it's a start at least."

[superdynamic.livejournal.com]

Suzaku gave a short nod. "I'll see what I can do. I'll also try to find Tamaki, he didn't seem to be around today." He still thought that most information could be gathered more effectively by networking, but the structure of the day didn't make it possible to talk to that many people, and it was impossible to know who you were looking for before you started talking to them. Even if the bulletin board was a bit unreliable, he'd have to keep using that.

"What are you going to be working on, then?" Information, presumably, but Suzaku still felt the need to make conversation, at least until Lelouch made a move to go to sleep. Where to go from here, in terms of how they related to one another, was a complete mystery to Suzaku. He really needed more time to sort this out.

[kingside]

He hadn't? That was annoying, but then it didn't really matter as long as he either reemerged or was replaced with someone competent. Lelouch wasn't entirely sure of just how effectively Tamaki led his club, which had been one of the reasons behind sending Suzaku after him in the first place, but that didn't matter nearly so much as forming an alliance with them if at all possible. If it turned out that Tamaki had disappeared, they'd merely turn their attention to the next person in the chain of command... assuming there was one.

"I'll be continuing my work on the monster report and trying to finish that timeline I started," he replied, briefly closing his eyes. "I'd also hoped to begin compiling lists of all the supplies the institute has to offer and where to find them, but I don't know if I'll have the time." Meetings every shift and even more projects on the bulletin-- did it never stop? "If I'm able to recruit more people, I'll delegate some of those duties, but I don't know how much successful I'll be. It's much harder to get people to join Lelouch Lamperouge than it is to get them to join Zero."