This was so unfair. Lelouch of all people didn't have the right to claim something like that, but with Suzaku there and still so blissfully unaware of everything that was going unsaid between them, it was just... so, so unbelievably unfair. They hadn't lost each other, and with Lelouch's silent resolution, they never would, but when what they had now was so very little compared to what it used to be-- was he really the only one who wanted that again? What had happened earlier that night had made him stop denying it at least, even if it hadn't been much of a denial in the first place when he kept catching himself slipping, but now that he'd given up trying to force some distance between them and chosen Suzaku's trust over freeing him from his self-loathing, almost all of the barriers Lelouch had built between them and his emotions had fallen. That meant...

"I'm not going to pass out," he said softly, opening his eyes but not yet pulling away. He wanted his best friend back. He wanted to laugh and joke with him without knowing it was all a pretense. He wanted to be able to look at him and not see the anger and resentment reserved for Euphy's killer instead of the warmth meant for an old friend. He wanted to have something that was more than a formal arrangement and would never be taken away or lost like everything else had. He could settle for having Suzaku as a knight, but when they had been so much more before, was it any wonder that he wanted it back now?

Sighing again, he lifted his head and slowly eased onto the bed, keeping his gaze averted just in case Suzaku could somehow know what he was thinking by the way he looked at him. At least there was always the excuse that his knight was shirtless, shameless, and brainless enough to warrant it. "Are you going to stay over again?" he asked, just to make conversation. He didn't want to go to sleep even though he needed it badly by now, but he couldn't say that. "You're too protective. If I didn't know any better, I might even call you obsessed."