At the very least, Lelouch had just confirmed that they were as good at hurting each other as ever. He wasn't quite sure if Suzaku was as affected by his words as he was by his knight's (he had yet to look up again), but the things he said-- had the actions Lelouch had taken that night done that much damage? They had all been done to protect Suzaku, but if he'd gone too far, that would mean he had broken his promise. Pointing out his real reasons for behaving the way he had would only undo what little progress he'd made in forcing his knight to shift more of the blame onto his shoulders, though, and as that would likely also prove that no, no he could not be trusted, Lelouch couldn't say anything at all. As for the rest of it-- he may have overdone the cold routine, but since Suzaku couldn't possibly wish for the same things he did right now, that couldn't be at the heart of it all. It had to be everything else.

"I am who I've always been," he said evasively, finally looking up at his knight again. "You more than anyone else should know what that entails." That wasn't strictly true; C.C. was the only one that Lelouch felt truly understood him. She wasn't here, though, and when he wanted Suzaku to be the same in that respect-- but he was being selfish again. Why couldn't he stop after spending all night trying to rid himself of those emotions? Suzaku had done it easily enough.

Bitter and trying to hide it, Lelouch glanced away once more and added, "If I ordered you to let it go, would you listen?" He did shift a little and uncross his arms, but that had nothing to do with acquiescing to his knight's still unreasonable wishes. His shoulders ached, the pain was making it hard to think, and he hated smelling his own blood in such great amounts, but-- damn it.

Slowly, he reached down and began to tug up his shirt. This wasn't that much better than having Suzaku force him out of it, but as that looked like the only alternative...