It seemed like forever until the sound of sobs slowly dwindled, until there was nothing but Lelouch's ragged breathing. Forever of sitting there rigidly, praying for Lelouch to stop and nervously itching either to run out of the room or do -- something. Grab Lelouch by his shoulders and shake him, put his arms around him, Suzaku didn't know exactly. But finally Suzaku was able to take a deep breath of his own and glance back over.
Lelouch wasn't looking at him, sitting there hugging himself and looking for all the world like a lost child. Vulnerability really didn't suit him. Suzaku supposed this was his fault too, even if Lelouch deserved it to some extent. Did he, though? This was a side to Lelouch he'd never dreamed existed, and he wasn't sure what to think anymore. Except that he'd hurt Lelouch along with everyone else, and he was only just realizing that there was a part of Lelouch that could be hurt. Too late -- he was always too late when it came to understanding things about Lelouch.
He at least knew his former friend would be feeling humiliated now, so he decided not to say anything. If Lelouch was this close to the edge now, it would be a mistake to affront his pride, one of the few things he had left. So Suzaku followed his lead in continuing the conversation as if nothing had happened.
What Lelouch wanted to talk about, however. . . Suzaku frowned. He more than anyone wished he could change the past, erase all his sins and stop everyone from dying, but at this point in his life he recognized that awful things sometimes needed to happen. The world was what it was because of the mistakes of the past, and if all that was erased, there would be no future. There was no choice but to live with it, and he was prepared to do so. And yet, if there was a way to go back in time and change things. . . it wouldn't have to be like that. Maybe. Maybe everything would find a way of happening anyway. Or maybe messing with the timeline, trying to alter fate, would make things even worse. The way events were connected was so complex, it would be impossible to foresee all the effects of trying to change something like that, even for Lelouch. And if they couldn't be absolutely sure of the outcome, it might just be too dangerous, considering what was at stake.
"I don't know," he said honestly. "If F.L.E.I.A. was never fired, a ceasefire might not have been called, and if the Black Knights didn't try to hand you over to Prince Schneizel, you might not have gone after your father. I think at that point that was the only thing left that you could do. But Schneizel might have tried to have that meeting anyway. Then again, if you weren't distraught over Nunnally you might have been able to find a way out of that situation. I'm not sure, because I don't know the details of what happened there. And it's always possible you would have gone after your father anyway. I definitely wouldn't have, but you could have stopped the Ragnarok on your own. Basically, I don't think there's any way we could know for sure what would happen, and if that's true. . . I don't want those people to have died any more than you do. But I don't know if it's worth the risk. You're thinking of using the technology they have here, aren't you?"
no subject
Lelouch wasn't looking at him, sitting there hugging himself and looking for all the world like a lost child. Vulnerability really didn't suit him. Suzaku supposed this was his fault too, even if Lelouch deserved it to some extent. Did he, though? This was a side to Lelouch he'd never dreamed existed, and he wasn't sure what to think anymore. Except that he'd hurt Lelouch along with everyone else, and he was only just realizing that there was a part of Lelouch that could be hurt. Too late -- he was always too late when it came to understanding things about Lelouch.
He at least knew his former friend would be feeling humiliated now, so he decided not to say anything. If Lelouch was this close to the edge now, it would be a mistake to affront his pride, one of the few things he had left. So Suzaku followed his lead in continuing the conversation as if nothing had happened.
What Lelouch wanted to talk about, however. . . Suzaku frowned. He more than anyone wished he could change the past, erase all his sins and stop everyone from dying, but at this point in his life he recognized that awful things sometimes needed to happen. The world was what it was because of the mistakes of the past, and if all that was erased, there would be no future. There was no choice but to live with it, and he was prepared to do so. And yet, if there was a way to go back in time and change things. . . it wouldn't have to be like that. Maybe. Maybe everything would find a way of happening anyway. Or maybe messing with the timeline, trying to alter fate, would make things even worse. The way events were connected was so complex, it would be impossible to foresee all the effects of trying to change something like that, even for Lelouch. And if they couldn't be absolutely sure of the outcome, it might just be too dangerous, considering what was at stake.
"I don't know," he said honestly. "If F.L.E.I.A. was never fired, a ceasefire might not have been called, and if the Black Knights didn't try to hand you over to Prince Schneizel, you might not have gone after your father. I think at that point that was the only thing left that you could do. But Schneizel might have tried to have that meeting anyway. Then again, if you weren't distraught over Nunnally you might have been able to find a way out of that situation. I'm not sure, because I don't know the details of what happened there. And it's always possible you would have gone after your father anyway. I definitely wouldn't have, but you could have stopped the Ragnarok on your own. Basically, I don't think there's any way we could know for sure what would happen, and if that's true. . . I don't want those people to have died any more than you do. But I don't know if it's worth the risk. You're thinking of using the technology they have here, aren't you?"