damned_institute | Day 37: Breakfast

Entry tags:

Day 37: Breakfast

[for Sylar, I believe]

At the sound of the intercom, Wally jerked awake and blinked around at the room. He’d fallen asleep. He should have been up and keeping an eye open for ZEX, but he’d fallen asleep waiting on his bed.

“Idiot,” he groaned, ruffling his hair and sighing in annoyance. “Way to help a guy out, hotshot.” Hopefully ZEX hadn’t dropped by and thought he’d left or something, or wouldn’t be too mad at him for just forgetting about it like that. If he was lucky, he’d be able to catch up with the other patient at some point and explain what had happened.

Rolling himself a little awkwardly out of the bed, Wally took the opportunity to stretch his injured leg and test how well it was holding up. It was feeling a bit better, not so much that he could abandon his crutch or that it didn’t pull painfully if he wasn’t careful, but better. Tony had apparently made it through the night in one piece as well, which was a relief. He really didn’t feel comfortable about the thought of his roommate wandering about on his own with an injured arm. Not when Wally himself could relax and fall asleep in the apparent safety of their room.

Yeah, he wasn’t going to let himself forget that one in a hurry.

It was at that moment that the door swung open to admit one of the nurses. She seemed surprised to find him awake and ready to go already, but smiled warmly. “Hungry, are we Mr. West? Well in that case, let’s get you to the cafeteria. The staff have provided some delicious French Toast as well as a range of other foods I’m sure you’ll like. Now will you be needing a hand with your leg, dear?”

“No thanks, I can handle it,” Wally replied, smiling back. After all, it probably wasn’t the nurses’ fault that this place was so messed up, so it wasn’t like picking fights with them would do anything. With a cheery wave goodbye, Wally slowly made his way to the cafeteria, keeping a tight grip on his crutch all the while. Obtaining a plate of food was only slightly less difficult than it had been yesterday – he didn’t have the painkillers to work around this time – but he managed well enough, coming away from the buffet with a tray containing a plate piled high with slices of French Toast and slathered in maple syrup, butter, and sugar, as well as a glass of juice. Not quite as good as some coffee would be right now, but the sugar would hopefully make up for it. And, with how few people were here at the moment, he could afford to take more food than might have been considered ‘normal’ – he’d have most of it gone by the time anyone came to keep him company, then he could just worry about how many extra serves would be allowed before he aroused suspicion.

Feeling pretty happy with how things were looking so far, Wally hummed faintly to himself as he dug in to his breakfast.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Naruto stiffened when he hear Jiraiya talk next to him; he hadn't bothered to look at who had been headed his way. Even if the man's voice was softer, gentler and sadder, it didn't stop him from frowning, keeping his mouth tight.

Had Jiraiya thought it had been easy, being alone almost his entire life, knowing nothing of his own parents? He didn't answer, digging his fork into his french toast harder than necessary and eating the bite angrily.

"Sorry to hear that," he said shortly, not looking at him.

Jiraiya wasn't at all surprised by the reply. Naruto's anger was completely justified. The Sannin was used to how Naruto acted while mad--Naruto was likely to lash out and say things he didn't mean just to return the hurt he was feeling. He let out a long sigh anyways, then placed the photograph next to Naruto's tray.

"Your father's name was Namikaze Minato. Your mother's name was Uzumaki Kushina. Your parents wanted you to grow up to be a ninja like the one I wrote about in one of my books."

He took a deep breath, as if he had run a mile and couldn't breathe. "That's why your name is Naruto. They named you after him."

Another breath, then silence for a moment before Jiraiya spoke again, voice even quieter. "... I was told you would be cared for, looked after. I told myself you would be better in the hands of someone who knew how to take care of an infant, a toddler, a small child."

He leaned back, staring at the ceiling for a moment before looking at Naruto. "When I found out the elders had lied, I came back for you. Even if... it was too late to have protected you from the villagers' hate. That, too, was hidden from me."

Jiraiya wondered if Naruto would understand the implications of being named after his character, if Naruto would understand that meant Jiraiya was chosen as his godfather because of it.

Another beat, then Jiraiya looked to his food, and began to eat. "... But even that doesn't excuse why I never visited Konoha to see you. I should have, and I should have seen through their lies." He swallowed again. "...I'm sorry."

It was like a torrent that wouldn't stop, once he started talking. He wanted to tell Naruto, to be honest with him like he should have been. Even if Naruto never forgave him, he could at least tell the boy the truth about his family.

Naruto had to clench a fist to control himself, not willing to throw a fit in the middle of the cafeteria. But he was angry, frustrated and hurt that Jiraiya had never said anything -- that no one had ever said anything. Even if it had been hard for him, in his eyes it was no reason to leave him like that, knowing nothing of his family.

They'd been out training for two years, and knowing that Jiraiya had the information all along but never been able to tell him, he couldn't help but feel bitter. Hadn't he seen how sad he'd get, watching a father and his son? Had he really thought it was for the better if he stayed away? It all seemed ridiculous to him.

"So in the two years you trained me, you couldn't even tell me a word of this?" He asked, tone accusatory.

Jiraiya was quiet. He let out a shuddering sigh, trying to keep his face from cracking too much. The pain in Jiraiya's eyes was readily apparent, but Naruto wasn't looking at him.

"We weren't allowed to," Jiraiya stated suddenly, surprised by the sudden venom in his voice--anger at the elders for their restrictions, at the Third for not telling him what was going on. "In trade for the adults being forbidden to tell others about Kyuubi's whereabouts."

"The Third and the elders convinced me it was in your best interest that I was elsewhere," Jiraiya continued, his own hand balling into a fist around his fork. "The Third, because he was worried I'd tell you about your family and invalidate the bargain. The elders, because they were afraid of what I could teach you. I didn't realize it then--or maybe I didn't want to believe it--but I'm sure of it now. They didn't have the village's--or your--best interests in mind."

"They were willing to make sure I'd never see you, but I voluntarily agreed to leave the village," Jiraiya couldn't hide the anger in his voice and didn't bother. "When I came back, I let you 'catch' me spying, even though I planned on training you before you..."

Wrong time to be a pervert. He had to focus!

"... I kept Ebisu from not telling the Third about my presence as to not let the Elders find out I was back to train you. After the Chuunin exam ended, and the Third died... The elders were afraid I'd tell, part of the reason why they offered me the chance to be Hokage--to keep me in their sights and have something to hold over me. But I knew that Tsunade was the best candidate, and I was the only one who could find her. ... They couldn't afford to tell me no, when I said I wanted to bring you with me, because they knew if they said no and gave me an Anbu escort instead, I'd just leave. A hidden village without a kage will soon be a pile of rubble."

"In the end, their fear of Konoha without a kage overcame their fear of Kyuubi," Jiraiya smirked humorlessly, but frowned a moment later. "But I guess I was still afraid they'd take you away from me, if I told you. So I didn't, instead trying to make up for lost time. The popsicles..."

Jiraiya couldn't go farther than that, giving a slightly embarrassed cough. He remembered seeing Naruto's face as he watched the father and son. Jiraiya had nothing else better to do than wait for Naruto to return, so he had followed him from a distance, and then Naruto's question soon aftewards. Jiraiya had felt guilty, but he knew how to fix it, to make that better. Popsicles of their own.

But popsicles weren't going to fix the fact that Naruto felt betrayed now, or fix the guilt that Jiraiya was feeling. His hands had been tied by politics, but he should have tried harder to be with his godson. And now, there wouldn't be anymore time after they escaped from this place. Jiraiya would be dead. Naruto still didn't know his fate.

And for some reason, Jiraiya was still too scared to tell Naruto that he was his godfather. He didn't think Naruto would be able to forgive him for that ommission. Not just yet. Soon, though.

But he was running out of time.

Naruto listened carefully as Jiraiya spoke, knowing none of it was made up excuses, lies to make himself seem like the good guy. It was true, and it showed in Jiraiya's voice. He didn't look at him yet, however, still eating his breakfast a little angrily.

He wasn't any less angry. In fact, he was angrier, because he now had reasons to be angry at so many other people he'd thought he could have trust. Like the Third.

Jiraiya was right in thinking that popsicles wouldn't fix anything. Wouldn't it have been easy to say something, then? When Naruto would have done anything to have someone like that in his life. It had actually been at that moment that he'd realised maybe Jiraiya could be, as much of an old pervert he was.

But now he felt like an idiot, for thinking and assuming people would've told him, would have explained. They hadn't about the Kyuubi, so why would any of them discuss his parents? Especially not when the Fourth Hokage himself was his father.

A fact that still sent his mind reeling at how insane and implausible it seemed. He'd always felt like a nobody, like maybe his parents hadn't been very important, or had abandonned him. He felt that if they'd been heroes, he would have heard their story.

He'd never realised the man he worshipped as his hero actually was, in fact, his father.

To think everyone had worked hard to keep that fact from him almost made him want to throw up.

"You should have stayed," Naruto said, weakly, less bitter than before.

"You're right," Jiraiya agreed quietly. "I should have."

He sighed, then reached his hand up to ruffle Naruto's hair. His frown turned into a small grin. Just touching the kid made him feel better. Damn, he was getting soft.

Oh well.

"Ask me anything about your parents," Jiraiya stated, ruffling Naruto's hair a little harder momentarily before returning his hand to his side. "And if I know, I'll tell you. I might not be able to change the past, or what you've been through, but I can at least do that."

He scratched his cheek for a moment, looking slightly nervous. "And I guess.. there's one more important piece of information that I need to tell you. I wasn't allowed to tell you about this, either, but fuck what the elders want." Jiraiya didn't use strong curse words very often, only when he felt it was appropriate--and he wasn't exactly fond of the elders at the moment.

Jiraiya's voice grew more nervous, but he knew it was better to tell the boy now instead of later, when it'd only make him mad again. "... Because your parents got your name from my book, they... decided to name me as your godfather. So... So in a way, we're family."

Naruto glanced at Jiraiya, finally, keeping his eyes distant. He gave him a tentative smile at the ruffling of his hair, about to open his mouth to ask questions about his parents (despite having met them and having an idea of how they had been).

But then Jiraiya looked nervous, and Naruto frowned, immediately wary of what would come next. He couldn't imagine that anything else had been hidden from him.

His eyes widened when Jiraiya said he had been announced as his godfather, and his anger came back in a flare.

"What?" He hissed, eyes narrowing. "And you didn't tell me something like that, either?!" His voice rose slightly, anger taking over.

"I told you, I couldn't, even though I wanted to tell you," Jiraiya growled, although it was obvious that he wasn't angry at Naruto. "It's why no one bothered to tell me you were living completely by yourself, even though I was supposedly paying for your upkeep so that the family you were with could afford to feed and clothe you."

He glanced away from Naruto, voice still angry. "That money wasn't supposed to be paying for a run-down apartment or second-hand clothes and furniture. It was supposed to be enough for you to thrive and have a little left over for the family caring for you. They said you'd be better off with a real family than an old, childless man. A family would be better equipped to take care of you."

Jiraiya stabbed viciously at his food but didn't eat it, just repeating the movement again. "If I had known, I would have come home to raise you. Even if I didn't know the first thing about raising a little kid. When I finally came back to Konoha, and I saw your apartment through the window...."

He trailed off and shook his head, glancing back to Naruto. "But that's not the point. I should have know. I failed you, and I failed your parents, all--"

He jerked his gaze away from Naruto abruptly, and this time it was obvious he was angry at himself. "--all because I believed too much in Konoha and the lies that the elders fed me. I have no excuses, and there's nothing I can do to make up for what you went through. I can't even apologize for the pain and loneliness I know you must have felt."

By the end, Jiraiya's voice was heavy, maybe even a bit choked; he sounded tired and much more like a man his age. "I'm not asking you to forgive me--you can even hate me if you want--because still haven't forgiven myself for being such a foolish old man."

Guilt. Naruto didn't need to say anything to make Jiraiya feel guilty--he had felt it every day of his life, and it had only grown worse when he finally discovered the truth. Jiraiya was going to live with that the rest of his life, no matter how long or short it was. He should have been there for Naruto. He should have been there.

And he hadn't been.

Naruto huffed, unamused. As if he'd had recieved any money. He'd had enough to buy himself the necesseties, and that had been it. He had never even considered needing more, because he'd never known what having more was like.

But he'd never had a family, and that was something he had yearned for, hoped for and wished for.

"I never had a family," he said softly, a statement to himself. To learn that one of his family members had been with him for a long time hurt a little, because he hadn't been aware, and hadn't been able to enjoy it as such. To know, and to feel reassured that he wasn't entirely alone. Family never abandonned you.

It felt a little like it had, right now, but he hoped with time he'd be able to get rid of his bitterness and anger, and accept that Jiraiya didn't really have a choice. It just seemed so farfetched to him, that the old man himself had trusted Konoha so much, and had never once come to check up on him. Except, of course, for the Chuunin exams.

"You couldn't even have told me when we were training?" Naruto said, voice low, almost a whisper. He glanced at the older man and was a little surprised at how sad his eyes looked. He'd never seem him like that, or at least, had never noticed.

Jiraiya didn't answer at first, instead blinking his eyes a few times. His vision was a little more blurry than he liked. Luckily, it only took a few blinks to take care of it, and then he was able to look at Naruto again.

"I should have told you when we were training," Jiraiya answered truthfully. "I wanted to tell you how proud Mina--your parents--would have been of you. About how you were like both of your parents..."

"But I guess I was afraid," Jiraiya's voice dropped to something quieter--it was hard to admit. "Of your reaction, maybe. Or maybe the elders. It.. seemed so much clearer, my reasons, before I--"

Jiraiya barely stopped himself in time, his words ending abruptly. That was the last thing he needed to tell Naruto now. I'm your godfather. We're family. And I'm dead, just like all your other relatives.

"... Before I realized some things," Jiraiya chuckled weakly. "A lot of things. That even I can't live forever, and that I don't want to die with regrets. Not telling you about your parents wa--would be one of them."

Damn it, he was slipping. Damn it! He had better control over himself than this. Had this place, had the 'return' of Naruto's parents, had his death really shaken him up this much?

"But I should have had more faith in you, and I should have told you sooner," Jiraiya continued, as if the slip hadn't happened--Naruto probably wasn't observant enough to notice it, anyways, and for once Jiraiya was grateful for that. "Even if I haven't been the godfather I should have been."

"My reaction?" Naruto frowned, looking at Jiraiya. In what way would it ever had been bad? He might have gotten upset, but in the end, he'd have been happy. So happy, to know that someone as amazing as the Fourth was his father. He'd have asked about his mother, about how they'd met. He'd have wanted to know everything, and could have comforted himself with the stories of his parents before his birth.

"I wouldn't -- It would've been fine in the long run," Naruto mumbled, looking down at his plate again.

Jiraiya had been talking a little weirdly, as if he was going to die at any time. It made Naruto want to shiver, almost disgusted by the thought. Jiraiya wouldn't die. In fact, Naruto almost considered it an impossibility. The man was like a rock, steady and grounded.

"And don't talk like that," he said under his breath. "S'not like you're going to die anytime soon."

Jiraiya shrugged a little, then grinned a bit. "You're the only family I have left, too. And you were the only one traveling with me. Would've been boring if you were clammed up, unlike your usual self."

He was teasing now, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his chest--until Naruto's next comment. His smile shifted a little, and then he raise a hand to ruffle Naruto's hair hard. Nothing like a physical distraction when it came to Naruto.

"Brat, I'm old," Jiraiya mock-growled. "But until I drop over dead--preferably during the middle of sex because of a heart attack--" Okay, so he was kidding--he really wanted to (and did) go out fighting. "--you'll have to deal with me, even if you get sick of me. I don't plan on going out anytime soon!"

Because deaths like his were never planned. And who knew how long they'd be trapped here. Maybe... Maybe there was even a way Jiraiya could get back alive. But he didn't want to keep his hopes up, just in case.

Naruto had to resist the urge to grin when Jiraiya brought up how he'd want to die. It was typical of him, but instead he made a face at him, to keep his usual front of 'You're an old man and a pervert!'.

"That's gross, Ero-sennin!" He said, pushing his plate away from him in emphasis. It was, somehow, reassuring to hear that Jiraiya had no plans on dying anytime soon. Naruto had never even worried about it, but it soothed him nonetheless (as if he hadn't realised it was a possibility but had still known).

"Good, 'cause either way I've still got training to do!"

Jiraiya actually laughed--yes, laughed--as Naruto pushed away his plate. They were both feeling obviously feeling better now. Naruto seemed like he'd bounce back up as usual, although Jiraiya knew he would need to talk to him some more.

At the mention of training, Jiraiya frowned a little in thought, leaning back and crossing his arms, "Training opportunities are limited, with our chakra sealed..."

He tried hard to think over what Naruto still needed training in that didn't require chakra. Naruto was good with taijutsu; he fought well in hand-to-hand combat. With their chakra sealed, practicing ninjutsu would be impossible. Naruto was horrible with illusions, and again, their chakra was sealed, so there was no point in going over genjutsu. Summoning was also out of the question.

There were, however, things that Naruto still needed practice with. Knots, picking locks, traps. But that would require Jiraiya to get the right equipment. It wouldn't be something that could immediately be practiced. Then, all at once, it occurred to him what Naruto needed to practice, more than anything of those other things.

Jiraiya smirked. "I know one thing we can practice immediately. Even during the daytime, perhaps. It's something you'll need as Hokage, and even as a Chuunin and Jounin."

"Really?! What is it?!" Naruto asked, excited.

He'd not forgotten the talk they just had, or the still swirling emotions he felt, but was feeling a little better, and pushed the rest aside for now. He wanted to find Sasuke, later, to ask him if he'd known anything. He wasn't sure why it seemed important to him that he talk to Sasuke about this -- it just felt like something he had to do, maybe because he still considered the other boy his best friend. He was aware he might be told to shut up or that Sasuke wouldn't care at all, but it didn't matter.

Focusing back on Jiraiya, he tried to think of what he could train for here. Anything chakra related was out of the question, and he didn't think he needed that much more training in taijutsu -- just practice.

"C'mon, tell me! What is it?!" Naruto paused, something suddenly dawning on him. "It's not perverted, is it?!"

Jiraiya laughed again as Naruto asked if it was perverted and at Naruto's excitement. He had missed Naruto's excitement at the idea of learning anything new. From what Jiraiya had heard about Naruto's academy years, it had been the exact opposite back then. Maybe they just didn't know how to inspire the brat, or maybe the teachers simply hadn't shown enough interest to get Naruto going.

"It's not something perverted," Jiraiya stated with a grin, and then he paused for dramatic effect (although, truthfully, he did it to annoy Naruto and make him squirm). "Although I don't think you'll like it much, either."

Once again, Jiraiya paused, looking distinctly amused, "Kanji."

Naruto's eyes widened and he suddenly wished he'd never brought up the subject of training. Kanji had always been dauntingly difficult in his eyes, and he'd never managed to learn more than the very, very basic ones. He knew enough to read while struggling once in a while, and that seemed enough to him.

"No," He whined, trying to look a pitiful as possible. "I don't need Kanji to be Hokage!"

"Yes, you do," Jiraiya's replied in his 'I'm the teacher, don't argue with me' voice. "Official documents contain large amounts of Kanji--you won't be able to read them, and people will think you're an idiot if you use Hiragana instead of Kanji, when Kanji would be more appropriate. People might get you to sign documents that they know you can't read, and that can put Konoha in danger. What would happen to the village if you signed a treaty that had unfavorable terms because you couldn't read it and didn't want to admit to it?"

Naruto wasn't getting out of this, now that Jiraiya had thought of it. One of the reasons why he had made Naruto read the manuscripts of his newest novels was to improve is reading comprehension, but Naruto was no where near the reading level that a Hokage would need.

"Dates, days of the week, and numbers aren't enough, Naruto," Jiraiya stated firmly. "You need to know everything else, too."

Naruto dropped his head against the table heavily, groaning. This would be a pain in the ass. He'd have kanji running around in his head all day and would get horrible headaches and would be haunted with them at night -- but he sighed and lifted himself off of the table again, pouting slightly.

He couldn't deny Jiraiya was right. Putting the village in danger because he didn't know how to read probably wasn't something he'd want to do.

"Fine," he grudginly accepted. "Only doing it for Konoha."

"Good," Jiraiya stated with a grin, and he started eating his food. "But you shouldn't injure your head when you're going to need it."

He then appeared thoughtful for a moment. "Sasuke already knows his Kanji, probably."

It would seem irrelevant to anyone unfamiliar with Naruto, but Jiraiya knew the impact those words would have.

Naruto perked up immediately, grinning. If Sasuke knew his...Naruto would too.

"Heh! I bet I'll catch up with him in one day!" He boasted, now wanting to start training now. He couldn't let Sasuke beat him in something else, again.

Speaking of Sasuke...Flashes of last night came to him, and he remembered that moment in the kitchen when Aidou had -- he wasn't sure what he'd been doing. But it involved latching into Sasuke's neck with his mouth, and as far as Naruto knew that was a rather intimate gesture.

"Oh, hey, Ero-sennin..." Naruto started, frowning a bit. Apparently there was something else Sasuke was beating him at, but he wasn't sure if it was something he wanted to compete over. "I think Sasuke got a hickey last night!"

Naruto actually only knew the meaning of the word because of the one book of Jiraiya's he'd managed to read. As boring as it had been, he'd retained some information.

Jiraiya rolled his eyes when Naruto boasted about how quick he'd learn all his Kanji, but he replied with a teasing voice anyways. "A week, maybe."

It'd be longer than that, and Jiraiya knew that. But it was amusing to watch Naruto seem so excited about something so simple. It wasn't hard to motivate the boy, at least. Teaching Naruto could have been far, far fworse.

Then, Naruto dropped a bombshell that made Jiraiya's mouth drop open. "EH?! Seriously? From who??"

"Aidou!" Naruto said, making a face. "We were in the middle of a mission and then when I turned around Aidou had his mouth on his neck. And Sasuke was all -- " Naruto paused, lowering his voice some and trying to imitate Sasuke's usual tone. "'Stay away, don't interfere!' It was weird."

But what was weirder was the urge he'd had to punch Aidou straight in the face and make him stay away from Sasuke forever.

Jiraiya blinked once, twice, three times as his brain processed that information. "Aidou....?"

He sighed, then shook his head. "Seems like Sasuke finally admitted to himself that he's gay."

Naruto eyes went as wide as saucers and he stood up quickly, nearly shrieking.

"WHAT? YOU KNEW?!"

A nurse glared at him and he sat down sheepishly, lowering his voice.

"Could he really...?"

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject