damned_institute | Day 31: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

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Day 31: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

Though perhaps not entirely as successful as he wanted it to be, Homura walked away from lunch feeling satisfied with his efforts. Roland and Fai both had shown interest in the goal, and that was enough for the moment. Homura could be patient, had already been for five hundred years, and felt no harm in waiting another five hundred if he had to. He would have his goals realized, no matter what obstacles he faced, be they from the prison or those trapped within.

But now was time for business of a different sort, and the demi-god made his way to the Sun Room, near the common board. He made sure he could be seen from the entrance to the cafeteria, knowing that one stranger and one member of his own group both wanted to meet with him. It worked out well enough, especially given that the stated purpose of the History Club was simple.

Revenge and escape.

For now, Homura had no intention of revealing that it'd grown more complicated than that.

[Waiting for L and Junior]

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Kurogane couldn't understand, not at all! Yuuhi had to do this, it was the only way he could save Ashura! And this place... this place was the only way he could save Fai! Why couldn't he just let it be?! If he could fix things just by believing in a few little lies, then where was the harm? Besides that, the lies were so much better than the truth. Here he was just another human being, not some cursed existence that seemed to infect any and everything that got close to him.

"If I leave this place... I will be running away," he insisted, voice as cold as his eyes. "I have to... there's something I have to do here."

Kurogane didn't need to understand anything beyond what he already knew, and even if he had, he still would not have changed his position. He still would have been just infuriated with Fai as he currently was.

"If you stay here, it will be running away even more!" he scowled as his hand shook a bit on the armrest. "Listen to me for once! You really think everything's just going to be all right if you stay here? Bullshit! This isn't your world, magician. There is nothing you 'have' to do here! The people here are just trying to control us and you're letting them!"

Never had he felt such an urge to strike the magician. He wanted to beat whatever ideas he had in his head out in one fell swoop. And if Fai kept this up, he very well might do just that.

How was it running away? He was finally trying to face one of his problems! If that meant giving someone else control, what did it matter? He could save Ashura so easily! Before... before he'd lost hope that there was anything at all he could do. Now, at least there was hope!

"I'm sorry," he said through a half smile. Though he probably wasn't sorry for the same reasons Kurogane wanted him to be.

"'Sorry' doesn't cut it!" His hand moved again, this time snatching Fai's wrist before he could try to squirm further away. "You're not getting that file. You're going to forget that you ever heard the name Robin Cross and start acting like you can think for yourself, or so help me..." He didn't finish, but let his tight and trembling grip on Fai's wrist speak for him.

"Ah-" he startled when Kurogane grabbed his wrist. It hurt, but he didn't cry out, just answered with the same tone as before. "That... that hurts." He didn't even try to pull away though, with his strength as little as it was, he wouldn't be able to do much.

"If you could save someone important to you," he said, looking up and meeting Kurogane's eyes for perhaps the first time this entire day, "even if the chance was small, you'd take it, wouldn't you?" His voice was no longer cold, but pained and tinged with his own guilt. He had to do this. He had to!

It needed to hurt. Fai needed to understand that Kurogane was dead serious in what he was saying. He should have been happy that it was only his wrist and that he hadn't been laid out by a fist yet.

"What the hell do you think I'm doing?!"

"Oh..." he answered quietly, his voice fading once again. It hadn't been expected, not at all. But the look in Kurogane's eyes, the intensity... Kurogane was not a man who told lies.

His eyes dropped slowly to the floor, unsure of himself, unsure of what to even do with this new knowledge. To Kurogane, he was an important person? Important... in the same way that Ashura was to him... It was almost as if his mind couldn't quite accept it. That it didn't properly fit with the rest of the logic there. But what was said, couldn't be taken back.

Yuuhi swallowed a lump in his throat, suddenly humbled and very unsure. "I... see." He wanted to ask why, for what reason could there possibly be for someone like him to be important to Kurogane? But no words came. Just a heavy feeling in his chest that wouldn't go away.

He had not just said that! Even after the fact Kurogane could not believe that the words had come out of his mouth while he'd been caught up in his rage. But Fai's reaction was once again making things clear. He'd said it, out loud, and now he couldn't take it back.

Releasing Fai's wrist, he pulled back a little, turning his eyes away just as the other had done.

"Fai was important" was what that statement had amounted to but... did he really think that? The magician was certainly important to those kids and that manjuu, but what did Kurogane think himself? There was what he knew: Fai was an idiot that didn't listen to reason and had to be watched like he was a child! Kurogane should have given up on him a long time ago.

So why the hell hadn't he?!

"Get it now?" He tried, not about to pass up the opportunity to speak sense to Fai even if they were both in an uncomfortable situation now. He didn't get it himself, but maybe something from Kurogane's outburst had managed to penetrate Fai's thick skull.

Everything felt so conflicted inside him. He should rebuke Kurogane for saying something like that, deny it, push the man as far away from himself as he could. But at the same time he wanted it. He wanted to hear it so terribly. As a child he remembered thinking so many times that he wanted to escape, even if that escape was death. Wanting to die, but once... just once... to know that someone cared about him. His wish had been granted and he couldn't even acknowledge it.

As Kurogane let go of his wrist, he drew it in tight to his chest, covering it with his other hand as though he'd been wounded. What could he do? Surely... he tried to convince himself, surely Kurogane would not have said any of those things if he knew what Yuuhi really was. But...

He could only nod slowly, staring at the ground in front of him. He was afraid to say more, afraid that his words might betray him.

The nod Fai gave said a lot, and yet nothing at all, and made things all the more difficult. Understanding things on a level beyond simply knowing had never been Kurogane's strongest attribute, but he'd always convinced himself that it didn't matter. Other's problems were not supposed to be his concern; their pasts traumas... he'd never allowed for his thoughts to linger on his own, so why worry over the background of someone else?

But for Fai the past was everything, whatever his consisted of. It was something he still refused to let go of no matter how much he got yelled at for it. That refusal had flustered Kurogane to the point where the shinobi had finally exploded on him, and now it was time to sort out the resulting debris.

Kurogane grabbed a chair and slumped into it with a huff, hand pressing to his forehead. Shouting had given him a headache, or at least that's what he convinced himself was wrong. He wasn't about to admit, even to himself, that the reason he couldn't think straight was the result of what he'd just said, because he couldn't grasp his own words and make sense of them! Why had he even said that?! Why?!

He kept his red glare fixated on Fai for any other reaction. He couldn't stare at the ground all day.

He didn't have to look up to know that Kurogane was still there. He could almost feel the man's eyes on him. As though he were expecting something. Why did Kurogane have to make this so hard for him? What could he say? Everything was becoming such a mess...

"Where do we go from here...?" he said quietly, more to himself than Kurogane. He wanted to tell him so many things, but that was impossible. They were just words. Anyone could say things and not mean them... Ashura had... He'd done it himself as well... If there was no proof but the words, how could he believe them?

Kurogane sighed again. Like he had all the answers? He didn't know. He couldn't even figure out why he'd said something a few minutes ago! Looking at Fai, he could see that things were going unspoken again. Important things probably. Since he had gotten Fai to stop and at least look like he was thinking maybe... maybe he'd talk if nudged into it.

"I told you on the first night," he growled out, calmly for the most part, "If you have something to say, say it." Once he said that, he thought a moment, then added, "The truth this time."

There were a great many things that probably ought to be said. However, he hadn't the nerve to say any of them. His fingers closed around the fabric of his pant-leg as he hesitated. He wanted to tell the man something though... some small truth... to show that his words hadn't completely fallen on deaf ears.

"Do you think... that... that..." that it's a sin, just to be born? Just to want to live? He couldn't finish the thought aloud, shaking his head. He decided to go with something else. Something small, something he might be able to handle. "I was here for two nights before you came. I... was going to stay in the arts and crafts club... but... the second night... was really bad."

He'd felt betrayed before, that time in Celes had been a terrible revelation, but... it had hurt more than just physically when he thought he'd been betrayed by Kurogane. Even though he'd known something wasn't right, it'd still been horrific. "There was a monster, but... I thought that... that it was you." The things it'd said, like he'd known each one of Yuuhi's weaknesses. He'd thought that maybe... Kurogane had become afflicted with the same madness as Ashura. It made sense, though only to him.

He smiled slightly, though it was more to himself than Kurogane. He'd probably call him a fool for even believing something like that, but... "I let... my guard down," he shrugged helplessly. "Some of... the other patients tried to say that it wasn't real, but..." he didn't need to finish the thought. Kurogane had pieced everything else together, why not this as well? "They killed it."

There was a long pause before he continued again. He didn't have to tell Kurogane how upset he'd been. That he hadn't cried since he was a child, yet somehow... the tears had come then. "I lost control of... my magic," he said quietly. That part he hardly remembered. While clinging to the bloody form of the ninja, everything else had become a blur, unimportant and insignificant compared to the pain. It hadn't happened before, never that he could remember. "I... hurt some of the patients," he hadn't seen it happen, didn't recall it, but he knew the marks of his own magic. It was frightening to think what might've happened if he hadn't had the seal returned to him to suppress his magic. "That's why... when I saw you... I ran."

There. It was nothing to do with his past, only here, only the information he'd withheld in his frantic, scattered memories of Kurogane's return. It might not be much, but it was all he had to offer.

Rukia had already explained, so he'd heard it all before, heard it much clearer, and without the breaks or the pauses or the tone of someone who did not want to say. Anyone else would have preferred to hear the more composed explanation, but now, even if this had been his first time hearing the tale, this was the one Kurogane wanted to hear. It was broken, but it was true, and that from Fai was better than any cleanly-spoken explanation.

But he was still leaving something out, something important if he still wouldn't say. Maybe about his real past, or about Ashura. He hadn't said anything about his visitor with the explanation, but still... his finished words were not unimportant either. Kurogane was satisfied with that for now. Fai was likely spent for what he could say without falling apart anyway.

Not feeling so dizzy anymore, he pulled his hand away from his head. "Idiot..." he said first as a reflex, then followed, "Next time just tell me, all right? It's not like it was your fault." His eyes moved away on another reflex. There were some things Fai was at fault for, but he knew what they were. Getting told again wouldn't change what had happened.

He scratched at the back of his head, trying to figure out the words for what he wanted to say. "If that ever happens again... something like me... if it tries to kill you, you'd better not hesitate to fight back. I told you,I hate people who don't try to live their lives. Like hell I'm going to try and end yours." He looked back again. Was that the right thing to say? Maybe... "All right?"

It's not like it's your fault.

Yuuhi didn't think he could remember the last time he'd heard that either. Though he might not believe a word of it, it was something he didn't mind hearing. The thought was nice, even if it wasn't true.

But what he was asking... Yuuhi wasn't even sure if it would ever happen again. If it were anyone else, Sakura, Syaoran, Mokona... it wouldn't be difficult to tell the difference between that and the real thing. Each one had a different kind of magic about them, whether they were aware of it or not. But Kurogane... if there was anything about him, it was slight and difficult to detect, even moreso here.

"Hmm~" he replied, hoping to get away from this awkward atmosphere, "yes, yes, I remember Kuro-pon. I'll be good."

"Take this seriously," he growled, not at all convinced when the magician slipped back into his carefree attitude. Like it or not, he wasn't getting away with just a smile and a happy "I'll never do it again". It didn't work like that, not now, not in this place.

His lack of seriousness wasn't the only problem still lingering. There was still a lot that had gone unsaid, and Kurogane was just as aware of it as Fai knew he was. Fai needed to be warned that he wasn't getting away from that subject just because he'd presented what was enough truth for the moment. He was going to take this seriously!

"You're still not telling me something; I know that much. That's fine for now since you didn't lie with that explanation," he pointed out. He was still being forward, but he was at least making a conscious effort to choose his words carefully. He knew himself what happened when Fai felt he'd been cornered too completely. "But don't expect me to leave you alone just because of it. I know you still want that file for Robin Cross, and it's not because you got attacked that you want it."

He watched and waited to see how Fai would respond again.

Yuuhi gave the other man a faint smile, still content to hide behind his facade. He had too many things he had to sort out in his mind before he could trust himself to think logically again. Now there was emotion and... and... he couldn't let that get the better of him or he was sure it would haunt him later.

Talking about the file would surely open up many new questions that would easily cross the line. "Eheh," he gave a short, nervous laugh. "It's way too long a story... boooring... let's talk about something else now Kuro-pon~ We should plan some fun games to play for the girls tonight. They won't want to sit still if there's nothing to do you know..."

Kurogane hardened his eyes again. Fai was cowering now, which meant he was taking things, or at least those things dealing with issues beyond this place, more seriously than he was letting on.

It was probably a good idea to keep from forcing Fai to speak about his past. Kurogane did not care for it anyway, so that was not a problem. Still, he knew it related to what was going on here. Somehow. If he kept pressing about the things going on in this world, then something was sure to come up eventually. Fai was not able to conceal everything.

Questions he ran from, but the facts he was not able to stand against for long. Since Kurogane had already pinned him with the file issue, he could not use that again, but there were still many points in relation to it. Fai bringing up the meeting tonight only reminded him of one he'd intended to address as well. "You told that orange-haired girl to call you Robin."

So Kurogane had managed to have a talk with not just Ururu, but Orihime too? He might've guessed from the message board notes, but he couldn't be sure just how much the girls might have said while he wasn't there.

"It doesn't really matter which one it is, does it?" he asked, trying to sound playful. There were any number of reasons he could use to cover for it... a nurse had been around, he was trying to blend in with this world, he simply liked the name... And really, it wasn't just Orihime he'd given the name to either. There had been several others, might be more in the future. He wasn't sure yet.

"If it doesn't matter, then don't give out a fake name, you idiot," Kurogane snorted. Fai really needed to work on his logic before he started protesting things. "Who else have you told to call you that?" He knew there had been others if Fai was being as social as he usually was in new worlds. Rukia had known him as Fai, and Renji probably knew him by that as well. But they had been the ones with Fai when that thing had attacked. Was it then that Fai had started changing his name?

Right after he thought that Kurogane was dead?

"Mmmmm," he scrunched up his nose, as if deep in thought, then shrugged one shoulder carelessly, "Who knows for sure?"

It was probably only a few people thus far. But... if that was the only way to save Ashura, then... but what about the things Kurogane had said too? He couldn't sort it out, especially not when Kurogane was asking him even more questions on top of that! "Come on, come on, we need to think of some fun games. Ah... maybe I should ask for some cards... what games do you like Kuro-mii?"

"Anyone you met after that attack, right?" he said, giving Fai the words since he didn't want to say himself, "Or was it after your visitor?"

This could go a few ways, but he had a feeling it wouldn't be any use now. Whatever Kurogane had managed to do to Fai earlier, if he'd scared him or actually managed to spark something in his head, that effect was now gone. Fai was aware of himself and what he was saying again - the defenses were back in place and likely reinforced now that they had been breached recently. Getting past them again would now be even more difficult than before.

He sighed hard, "Enough with the stupid games".

Kurogane seemed to be getting upset, but there wasn't a lot he could do to change that. He didn't want to talk about things right now, not until he'd sorted things out, but he didn't want to upset Kuro any further either. Usually it was lighthearted, a game, but this seemed a little more serious.

Yuuhi scrunched up his eyes again, "Can't remember~!"

"Like hell you can't..." he grumbled, but didn't get any more angered. That was all he knew he'd be getting for now. "But I mean what I said. You're not getting that file."

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Day 31: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

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