There were a great many things that probably ought to be said. However, he hadn't the nerve to say any of them. His fingers closed around the fabric of his pant-leg as he hesitated. He wanted to tell the man something though... some small truth... to show that his words hadn't completely fallen on deaf ears.
"Do you think... that... that..." that it's a sin, just to be born? Just to want to live? He couldn't finish the thought aloud, shaking his head. He decided to go with something else. Something small, something he might be able to handle. "I was here for two nights before you came. I... was going to stay in the arts and crafts club... but... the second night... was really bad."
He'd felt betrayed before, that time in Celes had been a terrible revelation, but... it had hurt more than just physically when he thought he'd been betrayed by Kurogane. Even though he'd known something wasn't right, it'd still been horrific. "There was a monster, but... I thought that... that it was you." The things it'd said, like he'd known each one of Yuuhi's weaknesses. He'd thought that maybe... Kurogane had become afflicted with the same madness as Ashura. It made sense, though only to him.
He smiled slightly, though it was more to himself than Kurogane. He'd probably call him a fool for even believing something like that, but... "I let... my guard down," he shrugged helplessly. "Some of... the other patients tried to say that it wasn't real, but..." he didn't need to finish the thought. Kurogane had pieced everything else together, why not this as well? "They killed it."
There was a long pause before he continued again. He didn't have to tell Kurogane how upset he'd been. That he hadn't cried since he was a child, yet somehow... the tears had come then. "I lost control of... my magic," he said quietly. That part he hardly remembered. While clinging to the bloody form of the ninja, everything else had become a blur, unimportant and insignificant compared to the pain. It hadn't happened before, never that he could remember. "I... hurt some of the patients," he hadn't seen it happen, didn't recall it, but he knew the marks of his own magic. It was frightening to think what might've happened if he hadn't had the seal returned to him to suppress his magic. "That's why... when I saw you... I ran."
There. It was nothing to do with his past, only here, only the information he'd withheld in his frantic, scattered memories of Kurogane's return. It might not be much, but it was all he had to offer.
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"Do you think... that... that..." that it's a sin, just to be born? Just to want to live? He couldn't finish the thought aloud, shaking his head. He decided to go with something else. Something small, something he might be able to handle. "I was here for two nights before you came. I... was going to stay in the arts and crafts club... but... the second night... was really bad."
He'd felt betrayed before, that time in Celes had been a terrible revelation, but... it had hurt more than just physically when he thought he'd been betrayed by Kurogane. Even though he'd known something wasn't right, it'd still been horrific. "There was a monster, but... I thought that... that it was you." The things it'd said, like he'd known each one of Yuuhi's weaknesses. He'd thought that maybe... Kurogane had become afflicted with the same madness as Ashura. It made sense, though only to him.
He smiled slightly, though it was more to himself than Kurogane. He'd probably call him a fool for even believing something like that, but... "I let... my guard down," he shrugged helplessly. "Some of... the other patients tried to say that it wasn't real, but..." he didn't need to finish the thought. Kurogane had pieced everything else together, why not this as well? "They killed it."
There was a long pause before he continued again. He didn't have to tell Kurogane how upset he'd been. That he hadn't cried since he was a child, yet somehow... the tears had come then. "I lost control of... my magic," he said quietly. That part he hardly remembered. While clinging to the bloody form of the ninja, everything else had become a blur, unimportant and insignificant compared to the pain. It hadn't happened before, never that he could remember. "I... hurt some of the patients," he hadn't seen it happen, didn't recall it, but he knew the marks of his own magic. It was frightening to think what might've happened if he hadn't had the seal returned to him to suppress his magic. "That's why... when I saw you... I ran."
There. It was nothing to do with his past, only here, only the information he'd withheld in his frantic, scattered memories of Kurogane's return. It might not be much, but it was all he had to offer.