damned_institute | Day 30: Cafeteria, Dinner

"You were," Ritsuka muttered, taking his elbow off the table and sliding down in his seat a little. It was embarrassing how flustered he had been, how startled - it showed that he was focusing too much on what was going on in his head and not enough on the outside world. He couldn't let himself think about things now or--

"Huh?" He blinked and looked up at Soubi, taking a moment to process what the man said. Once he did, he scowled and picked up his journal, tapping it with the back of his hand. "It's my concern because this boy is me, in a way. He was real to someone and that's what matters. Now he's real to me, okay? Even if he isn't real, I'll remember him because--" He stopped, taking the journal in both hands and looking at it. "Because...he's important. It's just important, got it?"

Jordan might not be real, but neither was Ritsuka. If people could so easily shove Jordan aside, count him as a fake and forget him, then Ritsuka could be erased just as easily when the real one came back. Memories and photographs and stories - none of it would matter if someone didn't remember, try to make him important.

Shaking his head, Ritsuka dropped back against the seat and stared up at the ceiling. "Did you do anything interesting? I mostly...did nothing. Talked to Hikaru and Kaoru a bit about my roommate who seems to be doing better, then went to the showers and talked to an Osakan...not much else." Silence - ignore it, push those thoughts away before they ran over into the real world. "Anything's fine as long as it isn't hard to chew."

Soubi smiled some more. He really hadn't intended to jump the boy. Maybe he was on edge still... well, of course he would be.

Perhaps it hadn't been a good idea going out and getting these files last night. Soubi understood the connection Ritsuka felt but... he couldn't allow it to take such a hold of him. And Soubi knew Ritsuka wouldn't listen to him.

"I kept to myself." There. No lies. No hints.
"Your roommate?" There was something in his voice that hinted he still didn't care for the boy. "I'll take you to my room again tonight, I'm sure he won't appreciate us in the way. Besides...I had fun last night."

He tilted his head. Something was off with Ritsuka. He was doing well to hide it but, glee, Soubi seemed to have formed a ghost of a connection with him. It was quiet still, but it was there and it could grow if they let it.
Was Ritsuka still upset about his mother? Perhaps it was just the file? For some reason Soubi wanted Ritsuka to feel the pain, just so he might find a way of ridding himself of it. For now, Soubi just gave the kid's shoulder a light squeeze. "I'll cook for you again someday, like I promised."

"Yes, my roommate." Ritsuka almost wanted to beat his head against a wall with how everyone was acting. Tamaki and the twins refused to see that Soubi wasn't just some random pervert and Soubi refused to be friends with them. It was so damn frustrating how stubborn they were all being. "And I can't. I need to meet Alfons and see if he's okay."

Ritsuka paused and sighed. "It's important that I go see him. I've been worried about him lately." About a lot of things really. The continued absence of the Head Doctor, the way he always seemed to be missing his friends when they needed to talk, all of it was starting to weigh on him. Something bad was happening, but he didn't know what. "I know you'd rather I stay put and not go out, and as much as I'd like to just hang out, I can't. I'm going out to meet him as soon as the night starts."

And Ritsuka needed time by himself for a bit. He needed it or he'd break. Soubi squeezed his shoulder and he looked up at the older man, nodding slightly. "...thanks."

Now wasn't the time for promises though. It was time for planning and getting ready for the night that was fast approaching.

"Tonight, can you meet me somewhere? There's...something I want to test and...I don't know if I can do it myself." The rumors on the bulletin about those birds only going after virgins - Ritsuka wanted to see if they were true. He had to know whether or not the creatures would attack him even if he had been dirtied by this place.

Oh dear. What? Soubi struggled for a moment, not sure what to say.

"I can take you," he said. If Ritsuka really wanted to go alone, he'd have to make it a damn clear order and Soubi was, for once, glad that the boy didn't enjoy that. "Where is his room?"

Soubi had to slip the painting into Ritsuka's journal somehow. For some reason this seemed important to him suddenly. Just another reason Ritsuka wasn't going off alone.

"How can I meet you when I don't know where you are and what time it is?" he sulked. "If I come with you, the problem will be solved." He was touched Ritsuka needed him though, and he'd be there no matter what.

"No." He couldn't take Soubi with him - he needed a moment to breathe alone. "I'm going by myself."

He didn't want Soubi to see him fall. If the Sacrifice was weak, the Fighter was weaker. He had to prove that he was strong enough to stand on his own two feet or Soubi would never get stronger. More than that, though, he knew Soubi would blame himself if he saw Ritsuka break down. Not that Ritsuka was expecting to have a breakdown, but he just needed time to himself.

"There's something I need to do and I need to do it alone, got it?" Not an order, but close enough to one. If Soubi refused to listen, then he'd issue one, but not yet. "I'll come to you - meet me at the end of the hall near the Recreational Field."

COuld it be, was Ritsuka getting this close to a flat out order? Hoping the boy would listen to reason, Soubi made another attempt at changing the boy's mind, infusing his words with as much sincerity and power as he could.
"You don't need to be alone anymore." He placed his hand around the back of Ritsuka's neck, just to add to the effect, stroking the boys hairline with long, nimble fingers. His words used to seduce Ritsuka until he was told never to say them again. Perhaps he just needed new words.

Ritsuka should have known that Soubi would try something. He should have expected that the Fighter would do something to make Ritsuka change his plans. He should have done a lot of things, but instead he listened to Soubi's words and felt them pull at his mind.

He'd felt this same thing when they first met. Soubi had told Ritsuka he loved him and this same strange feeling came over him. The words had power, more than he expected and his gaze dropped to the table. His head felt heavy and--

A hand was at the back of his neck and Ritsuka panicked. He snapped out of Soubi's spell, fear seizing him as his mind jumped to what Heiji had said in the showers. He quickly slapped the hand away. Don't touch me - don't take anymore fro-- He didn't realize he'd jumped from his seat until he noticed he was looking down at Soubi rather than up. His breathing was erratic again, his heart beating like he'd just run a marathon. "Ah--"

His hands were shaking. Why were his hands shaking?

"...No, I'm going alone. Don't follow me - it's an order." There. His voice was firmer than he thought it would be considering how he was shaking, but there was his order. "Wait for me by the door leading to the Recreational Field at the end of the hall. I'll come to you."

It had been working, Soubi was sure of it, but the moment his hand caressed Ritsuka... "Why are you frightened of me?" he asked, his expression probably giving Ritsuka even more reason to be. It wasn't Soubi's fault he looked frightening when the world didn't make sense and hurt him like this.

He took those shaking little hands into his own. The grip was firm but it wasn't tight. In fact, it lost all strength when the order finally came. And it wasn't 'you can't come with me', it was 'you can't follow me'. There was no loophole Soubi could immediately find. Perhaps if he found out Alfons' room number he could simply make his own way there? Ritsuka would be angry, sure, but he'd be safe. Would that work? Soubi regretted ever wishing Ritsuka would be stern. Although....maybe it would pay off.

Afraid of Soubi? No, it wasn't that - he had to deny it, he had to tell him-----

He couldn't tell him the truth. He'd just promised to be honest with the man and he couldn't tell Soubi about what he'd just discovered. It was only a theory, a hunch at best, but it hurt and it would hurt him. Soubi might do something terrible and irrational and get injured or worse, get killed. Shaking his head, he dropped his gaze to his hands. "I-It's not you."

His hands weren't the only things shaking. He felt like he was shutting down again. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to close his eyes and drop to the ground and just ignore everything until he woke up again. He couldn't do that, but he'd only wanted something this badly a few times before in his life.

Before he realized it, Soubi's hands were over his - so much larger, so much more firm and strong - and he cautioned a look up at him. If the Sacrifice wavers, the Fighter suffers. Pushing everything to the back of his mind, he set his jaw tight to stop his teeth from chattering anymore and repeated, "Wait for me by the door at the end of the hall leading to the Recreational Field. If you're not there, I'll go by myself."

"Then who?"
Soubi turned in his seat and pulled Ritsuka into his lap to cuddle him. They'd be too noticeable had he stood up to hold the boy. But he hated to see Ritsuka so upset and he needed a way to make it better. The boy just wouldn't accept violence towards others or physical comfort for himself easily. "Tell me."

He released Ritsuka a moment later, knowing the boy would probably want to struggle and pull away. And then he found his chance. It was a small one, but it might work. He reached down and picked Ritsuka's journal which had fallen to the floor. He placed it on the table, but managed to slip it under his own while he went to stroke Ritsuka's hair as a distraction. He hesitated, however, not able to bear having his Sacrifice recoil from him again. Even if it wasn't him that Ritsuka was afraid of, the boy was still uncomfortable being touched. What had happened to him...? His eyes wandered to where Ritsuka ought to have a second pair of ears.

A sad smile came to his lips. Maybe Soubi wouldn't be a terrible person to talk to about it. The situations had been different, but Soubi had had fears and sadness that he'd had to hide too. And confusion. Questions. The only thing he had more was the desire to please the man who had done it. The desperation to be by him always and serve him. Eurgh, that bastard. He'd clearly manipulated Soubi and had him under a spell, he was a despicable man and Soubi would never want him. Ever. So there.

"Yes sir," he said, sadly. "If you need me....call me?" Ritsuka still didn't understand, he knew that and he smiled a little at it. He'd just sound like he was talking nonsense, but maybe if Ritsuka was in danger...he'd realise what he had to do?

No names could be mentioned or Soubi would make it his personal mission to go out and kill whoever was responsible. Ritsuka couldn't have Soubi soiling his hands like that. Blood never came off - never. Not that Soubi seemed to care about that, but Ritsuka knew better than to take what the man said at anything more than face value. "No one. Let me go."

He pushed against Soubi's chest and was a little relieved to be released. At the same time, it had been warm and safe near him. Ritsuka just couldn't be touched like that right now. It brought him back to square one and that was no place for him to be. Missing Soubi's sleight of hand, he glanced up as the man attempted to stroke his hair again. When the hand didn't touch him, he glanced at Soubi and suddenly wished he hadn't.

He looked so sad. Soubi's expression crushed his heart and he quickly looked away. Was it understanding? Pity? Pain? What had he just seen? Ritsuka knew next to nothing about Soubi and that bothered him, but the man always refused to talk so there was nothing he could do just yet. Still, he was here and he was... Moving on instinct, Ritsuka stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, burying his face in the crook of the man's neck. It felt strange to be this close to the scar carved there by his brother. "I will." He didn't know how, but he knew Soubi would come no matter what. "Tonight is going to be hard. But trust me, okay? I need to do this."

Soubi clearly didn't want to let it go, but he had no choice right now, so he did. He'd find out who did what and he'd hurt them tenfold.

Soubi was slightly surprised when Ritsuka hugged him, but he warmed immediately and smiled and his arms went around the boy. He suddenly thought it would be nice to be bitten by Ritsuka. Over the words carved into his neck. "I'll be there," he quietly nodded.

Soubi only ever seemed to comfort Ritsuka when the boy was comforting HIM. He knew this hug wasn't a selfish one, though he hoped it was at least partly for Ritsuka's comfort too.

"No matter what happens, Soubi - I need you to trust me tonight," he mumbled against the man's neck. He needed someone to trust he was making a good decision or no one would. He wasn't sure himself if his grand plan for the evening was very smart, but it was necessary. "And...I need you to be willing to let me get hurt. Don't ask why, but I need to take lead tonight."

Everything would come to naught if Soubi attacked the birds and Ritsuka never got a chance to see their preferences. They had appeared picky the other night, ignoring certain people and honing in on others for no apparent reason. He really hoped Soubi didn't figure things out.

Shifting slightly, Ritsuka settled into a more comfortable position and tucked his head under Soubi's chin. Seimei used to hold him like this when he had nightmares. Lately, he'd been having more and more, but there was no one to take the pain away. He didn't know why, but hearing Soubi say he'd come when Ritsuka called was reassuring. He wanted to be selfish and ridiculous and ask the man to promise to come no matter what, but he knew that wasn't possible. "I'll hold you to that then. So don't you go lying to me and not show up, got it?"

"I do trust you." is voice said this was plain and simple fact, because it was. It just didn't stop him from worrying, getting paranoid or doubting himself. That was all. However, Ritsuka's next request did not sit well with Soubi.
"No. I don't need to as why." Having Ritsuka get hurt could never prove a thing or help a situation. Perhaps in a Spell Battle situation there would be call to ease on defence for a moment, but nothing like that seemed likely to happen here.

Ritsuka seemed to fit perfectly into Soubi, or perhaps that was just the older man's fancy. Either way, it felt wonderful. They belonged like this, surely? There could be no room for doubt. Ritsuka knew Soubi's shameful secret now, the fact that he was blank, a spare. Someday he'd understand he hand to make him mark on Soubi to bond them together completely. Just like Seimei had.

"I'll be there, I promise."

Soubi always did that. He always said one thing and then the exact opposite in the next breath. Gritting his teeth, he pulled back from Soubi and glared at him. "You just said you trusted me! So why don't you trust me when I say I need to take the lead tonight?"

Moving away, Ritsuka stood up and grabbed his journal - not noticing in his haste that he was now holding two instead of one. Why didn't anyone believe he could take care of himself? Or that he knew what he was doing? Or even just trust him that sometimes he had things he needed to do? Glaring at Soubi over his shoulder, Ritsuka snapped, "I have to go whether you like it or not. If you don't like, then just don't come!"

"I do trust you, but I will not allow harm to come to you." It made sense in Soubi world and he was an adult so he was right. Then again, he was a mere Fighter, so...he had no right to be right.

Ritsuka was angry again. The warmth he'd provided in the hug was immediately sucked away and Soubi looked down at the table sadly. He'd be there, but would he be able to let Ritsuka take the lead if it meant he was hurt?

Soubi noticed that his journal was taken and hoped Ritsuka would open it up. He hadn't yet written anything. The journal was merely a place to tuck away his file and now the painting. Bamboo and a frog alongside the kanji for Ritsuka's name. It was perfect as it was going to be. But one day Soubi would provide the boy with a pure masterpiece. And maybe he'd never get angry again.

Day 30: Cafeteria, Dinner

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