damned_institute | Day 28: Bus 2

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Day 28: Bus 2

The group hadn't made it to the Twin Pines before the nurses started ushering them back to the buses. Sanji didn't believe the small sack dinner he was handed would make up for the meal they would have had at the restaurant, and aside from that he'd still wanted to check the place out. Now he had no way of comparing it to what they served at the asylum and he couldn't help but wonder if the staff had planned it that way.

Somehow in the large crowd of patients and nurses he lost track of his crewmates, something that seemed to be occurring just as often as Usopp warned it would. He had their room numbers now, though. He would find them tonight if not before.

His dinner was eaten quickly and he found it lacking, but he wouldn't complain. What he really needed was a cigarette. Bringing it up on the walk down Main Street earlier had only made him think about it more, and now he was just irritable. He tapped a light broken rhythm on the plastic pane of his window, staring out at the other patients as they were loaded into the buses also.

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Renji listened to what Byakuya said, his expression stony. His frown deepened slightly as Byakuya used his first name. It was weird, and made him feel distinctly uncomfortable.

He didn't get the point of this. It was damn obvious what Byakuya thought of him, so why ask the question? Unless it was some sort of trap. The nobility liked their little word and courtesy games, from what he'd seen and what he'd read.

He said, "I don't see why my opinion on this would matter. Sir." After a pause, he continued, "I'm not any good at this game. Sir."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. "This is not a 'game', Renji. I need to know your beliefs, so I am aware of precisely what correction must take place."

There it was, then. If Renji could pick up on it, he'd just laid out the purpose for their little talk. Renji, inevitably, thought more harshly of himself than those around him did... or, so Byakuya thought. He couldn't know for certain, of course...

...but, then again, that was why he had asked.

Renji clenched his teeth when Byakuya used his first name again, the muscles of his jaw jumping briefly.

The captain made it sound so simple, but it wasn't, not at all. Renji was genuinely afraid of the man; almost dying at his hand certainly hadn't helped that. He hated him, and respected him at the same time, both wanted his approval and wanted to kill him with his bare hands. He didn't know how to handle it, but he did know that saying any of that out loud to a captain would be grossly inappropriate. And while he wasn't much for propriety, normally, there were certain lines he was not willing to cross; it had been driven in to him far too deeply.

And here his captain was, asking him to say something grossly inappropriate, which he had little doubt he'd then be punished for. It was just another reminder, Renji thought grimly, that life was really goddamn unfair.

He said the only thing he could think of that might work. "I'm a commoner, sir," he said, unable to completely disguise the anger or disgust in his voice. Maybe that would be clear enough.

Byakuya's cheek twitched ever-so-slightly, out of irritation. "I do not believe that quite answers the question I asked..." He trailed off, as he looked over at Renji, and saw the set of his jaw. Understood the tone of voice he'd used.

"...or perhaps it does." That was a slap in the face, but not one he could really fault Renji for. He did place a lot of stock in upbringing, in class. The nobility were inherently better than commoners. But... did he seem so obsessed with it, that his lieutenant believed that was all he could see?

"Do you really believe that I see things in such black and white terms?" he asked, voice as deadpan as ever.

Renji was actually kind of surprised that Byakuya seemed to pick up on it, but the next question kind of floored him. Was this really some sort of sick game, the man was playing? Renji couldn't begin to imagine why he was asking these questions.

And did Byakuya seem to see things so black and white? What the hell kind of question was that to be asking, with their fight so recent, with everything--

He clenched his jaw again, but there really wasn't anything else he could say. It was easier to speak when he couldn't see the man; he looked out the window, into the distance, as the buses moved along. "I have no reason not to, sir," he said, quietly.

His hands, mostly hidden under his arms, clenched into fists.

"I see," was all he said. And he did see. The events that burned the brightest in Renji's mind were the days, the moments, leading up to Rukia's attempted execution... Hardly his finest hour. Point in fact, it was his greatest shame... events he'd sworn he would not allow to be repeated.

...but that wasn't all, was it? No. It was far to easy to blame this viewpoint on one, extreme example. It was his apparent nature. He'd attempted to become... better, since then; however, Renji had not seen any of that with his own eyes. To the boy, he was still an unforgiving, judgmental bastard.

Not totally untrue, but it could do with a lot of refining.

"...then I shall pose another question to you. After all was said and done, I retained you as my lieutenant. I could have easily sent you back to the 11th Division - or, had I felt wrathful, the 2nd Division - but I did not. Why do you suppose that is?"

It didn't come as a surprise; he already knew what had happened, after, thanks to Rukia. That didn't mean that he understood it. And maybe he didn't want to; it was easier to understand his captain as he knew him. He didn't know how to interpret what Rukia had said, other thinking that Rukia would do whatever bizarre mental gymnastics were necessary to look favorably at her brother. And he understood the desire, he really did.

...it just wasn't something he could do. He had to rely on what he knew.

This question, at least it was easy to answer honestly. "I don't know, sir," he said. And it was true; he didn't. He couldn't even try to put himself in Byakuya's place and guess. Renji had never been that much of a stuck-up asshole.

Byakuya sighed quietly; the boy was thick... or the truth was so impossible that he wouldn't allow himself to believe it. Or, perhaps some combination of the two. He hoped it was the former, though... if it was the latter, he might not even believe it when told explicitly. And that would be more than a bit bad.

"The reason, or should I say reasons, are simple. First of all... beyond that which should obviously be applied to the traitors, what blame there is to be assigned for the events surrounding Rukia's attempted execution does not fall even in part upon yourself; rather, it falls rather significantly upon my own shoulders." His eyes showed some vague reflection of the shame he felt, referring to that time. In a moment, though, it was gone. "That you had the courage to oppose me on it is commendable, not something to be condemned. Though I don't encourage opposition on a regular basis, of course." That last part had to be included, just in case Renji decided that 'Let's Not Listen To Anything Byakuya Has To Say' was a fun game to play. "And secondly... I have no desire for another lieutenant. You are adequate and useful in every way that I require. I expect you to remain in this position until you apply for captaincy."

Praise... it made him uncomfortable to give it. It had always seemed so meaningless, to tell someone that they had done right; indulgent nonsense, was what it was. But... there were exceptions to every rule. Renji just happened to be the exception to quite a few.

Renji listened silently to what Byakuya had to say. He managed to keep a handle on himself; the only sign of surprise he showed were his eyes widening, then narrowing when Byakuya got to the last part of the speech. It shouldn't have been so surprising; Rukia had told him at least the events that fit with all that, but hearing that come out of his captain's mouth was shocking all the same. He didn't know quite what to make of it; he needed time if he was going to try to absorb that statement.

So Byakuya didn't think he was worthless. That was kind of nice. He wanted to feel grateful, and compliment, but it didn't change the fact that the man was an asshole. It was confusing to try to wrap his mind around all of this.

There was that twitch, again, when Byakuya said the c-word. From three people in one day. It was starting to really weird him out, make him think these people were all sharing a delusion. And he didn't like it, because it made him feel like he had no choices, like his path had already been decided without his input, while he still stood at the start of it, uncertain about which way to step.

"I see," he said, quietly. "Thank you, sir."

Hm. Not the reaction he'd expected. Truly, his mention of Renji one day being a captain was purposeful; he'd hoped to be able to tell, from the reaction, what his opinion on the matter was. Apparently... his opinion was a bit negative. Odd. And something he'd have to question the boy on... but, not here, and not now.

He responded to Renji's thanks with only a nod, and was silent for a moment. When he spoke again, it was prefaced with a sigh. "I would like to say that that is all, but... there is something else I must speak with you of. Something that was brought to my attention this morning."

He looked over at Renji expectantly; the boy knew what he spoke of. At least, he ought to.

Well, he had known this was coming, but it hadn't stopped him from hoping he could avoid it. He clenched his jaw again, his teeth grinding for a moment, before he said, "Sir."

He felt like he was preparing for battle; this was the moment that the day had been directed at. After his conversation with River and Daemon, and after the dinner with Rukia... he wasn't going to back down. No matter what.

Now that he'd reached this point... Byakuya was not 100% certain how to proceed. Every ounce of him wanted to bellow at the boy to give up, that he wasn't worthy, that he wasn't good enough... But, was it the truth? Or was it simply a fraternal instinct? Did he really think so little of Renji, or did he simply believe that Rukia deserved some... unattainably perfect man. And that no-one else would do.

He had no idea.

So, then. The obvious questions. "What are your intentions towards my sister, Renji?" That particular identifying term was chosen with a singular intent: possessiveness. He meant to let Renji know that he would protect Rukia from him if those intentions were anything but honorable.

He frowned again at Byakuya using his name. It just sounded wrong, coming from the man. And then that question...

"She already understands my intentions," he said, his tone lowering to the dangerous quiet that normally heralded an explosion. "But they are honorable."

Byakuya nodded in response. "As I had expected. You understand, though, that it is a question worth asking." He wanted to be angry at the boy, as he had been earlier, but... he couldn't. And he was beginning to see why... though he'd not say it yet.

"You intend protect her, when she cannot protect herself?" he said, as though this were an interrogation; then again, one might say any meeting with a potential brother-in-law was an interrogation.

It was starting to get weird, and Renji couldn't quite put his finger on why. It was like going to pick up a box, and expecting it to be filled with stones, when it was instead filled with feathers. Unbalancing. There had to be a catch coming up, and soon.

But Byakuya's next question helped, because it was quite possibly the dumbest question Renji had ever been asked, in his life. His eyebrow twitched, and he turned his head enough to stare at Byakuya for a long moment, trying to see if the man was just making a stupid joke or something.

Finally, he said, "Yes," sounding almost exasperated. What else had he been doing but that, for almost his entire life?

Byakuya didn't even react. The answer was a given. Of course he would protect Rukia... it was one of the things he truly appreciated about Renji. She was safe with him.

That question, though, had merely been meant as a buffer. Renji was obviously growing irritated... and, such a comically obvious query served as a release. For the next question would likely generate far more irritation... and Byakuya preferred to avoid a situation in which his Lieutenant took a swing at him. On the whole.

On to it, then. "Do you believe you deserve her? That you are good enough for her?" he asked, suddenly tensing; he could not rely on his godlike speed in such a crowded area... or at all, since coming here. If Renji did swing at him, he'd have to block.

For a minute, he really did want to hit Byakuya. His muscles tensed, and it took more willpower than it should have to not just bring his fists to bear. But he held still until the feeling passed.

Renji had spent most of his life being honest about things. He wasn't going to change that now.

"No," he said. "I'm not. But she's made her choice." She knows everything, and she'll still let me stand with her. "I will stay at her side, I will make her happy, and I will fight, and bleed, and die for her." It was Daemon's words he echoed now. "That makes me worthy."

He looked at Byakuya levelly; the last sentence had been spoken as almost a challenge.

Byakuya turned to him, then, with a sharp, appraising look. He inspected Renji's features with a gaze so hard, it seemed to bore right into the soul. He looked... and he could find no lie in him. Everything about him, at that moment, spoke to the truth of his statement. And so, Byakuya gave a slow, weighty nod.

Looking Renji squarely in the eye, he spoke what were among the hardest words of his life. "Then... I approve."

As her brother, he would not try to drive Renji away. As his captain, he would not attempt to punish Renji for being insolent on the matter. As leader of the Kuchiki clan, he would endorse their marriage.

He thought he'd felt off balance before, but it was nothing compared to this. He'd gotten geared up for a fight that was suddenly absent, and he had no idea what to do now.

He managed to not sputter or say anything stupid like 'oh' or 'that's nice'; it required more self control than he'd realized he even had, and it made him feel a little light-headed, stunned.

But he bowed his head, briefly, since that was about as close as he could get to a proper bow while sitting in a moving vehicle, and said, "Thank you."

He hoped that Byakuya would go away soon. He couldn't have hysterics with the man sitting next to him.

Byakuya shook his head at the thanks. "Do not thank me, Renji. Thank her. Thank her for loving you. And make certain that she never has cause to doubt that you love her in return." His voice turned uncharacteristically soft, as he went on. "The life of a warrior is unpredictable... though I hardly need to tell you that. Your time together might end unexpectedly... make certain that, should that happen, you have no regrets."

Though he did his best to stop it from showing on his face, Byakuya felt... low. Emotionally low. Normally, he could ignore the Hisana-shaped hole in his heart, keep that pain down to a dull roar, but... well, there was just something about the happiness of others. Particularly Rukia...

Renji did his best not to stare at Byakuya; it wasn't polite to notice when another man was showing something so personal, after all. But he did watch the man out of the corner of his eye, trying to decide what to make of it.

Then it all made sense. Rukia had told Renji about Byakuya's wife.

It made him feel distinctly odd, though, to hear his captain speak of something so... human.

Renji said, "I understand." Though really, Rukia deserved more of that concern than him, he thought. If something happened to her, he'd no doubt be long dead beforehand.

[[from here (http://community.livejournal.com/damned/251147.html?thread=18525963#t18660363)]]

As Allen approached, he could feel a bit of uneasy tension in the air. He didn't know the man who sat near Renji, but they seemed to be talking about something serious. And while he knew it was rude to interrupt, sometimes it was necessary.

"Good afternoon Renji," he nodded politely and passed the red-head a smile. All told, the day had been fairly nice, even with its delays. He looked over at the other man, with long, dark hair. Allen's eye had activated just being near Renji, as well as others on the bus that were potential Akuma. It glowed a faint red against the black sclera in the dim light of the bus. He supposed this other man was probably one of those shinigami too. "Sir," he nodded to acknowledge the other.

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, but I wondered if I might have a moment of your time?" He shifted his weight, "if you're not too busy."

Byakuya's only response was a nod in Renji's direction; though he was unsure of Renji truly understood, he had no doubt that the boy would take the lesson to heart. True understanding was, of course, not something he was going to grant; he'd given that understanding to Rukia, and only to Rukia. It had been something she'd needed to know, after all...

Renji, on the other hand, could survive being ignorant.

The newcomer arrived, then... not someone Byakuya knew of. Possibly irrelevant, then... but, he had been polite, and Byakuya tended to respond to such a gesture in kind. He nodded in greeting, and said simply, "If you wish for privacy, I am willing to relocate."

Normally, of course, he would not make such an offer. Then again, normally he didn't have a distinct desire to flee a situation he had gotten himself into. Likely, it was valour. Or stubbornness. They amounted to the same thing...

Whatever had brought Allen over, Renji blessed him for it. No problem could be so great as to outweigh the side benefit of Allen showing up - which was rescuing Renji from an awkward situation with his Captain. He gave Byakuya what he hoped was a reasonably apologetic look, then said, "What's going on, Allen?"

It was kind of strange to see Renji hanging around with that other person. He seemed... well, refined in a way. Renji was nice, but it was easy to tell just by how they talked that they lived very different lives. Though someone like Master Cross could talk sweetly when he wanted to, it didn't always mean much of anything.

"That's very gracious of you sir," he replied as politely as he could. "I hate to be an inconvenience, but I would appreciate just a few minutes with Mr. Renji."

He looked somewhat sheepishly over to Renji, "I um, didn't see any bulletin board while I was out, so I was hoping you might know what's going on this evening. That and, um, there's a couple other things I thought we might... discuss." The first part was easy enough, but he didn't know how well talking with Renji about Rhode would go. Renji could be very intimidating and demanding and after last night... maybe he had the same low opinion of Allen that the boy from earlier today had.

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