Day 26: Cafeteria, Lunch

[right-handed.livejournal.com]

Scar felt cold and sick, though more the latter than the former. As he rose from his bed, he didn't quite know which way was up, and the artificial light coming from overhead seemed as hot and as blinding as the Ishbal sun.

His head hurt, but that was nothing new. After all, the last thing he remembered from the night before was fighting a homunculus off of Lust and then having a conversation about events best left forgotten. The man hadn't been his brother. He just hadn't. And if what Lust had said they'd done to her was true...

Scar stood with shakiness that he wanted to attribute more to a bizarrely weakened physical state than a mental one. Had he been knocked out by some kind of lurking monster before the morning had come? He felt as if he had been out for days, being a veteran of such circumstances, though as he took the practiced role of being an obedient follower behind the nurse and orderlies that came for him, it didn't seem as if much had changed.

This place was probably just playing tricks on him again, and he was tired of being the man left out of the loop. He grabbed some food he didn't really care for and sat down, not seeing anyone he knew already seated. On one hand, he wished he had someone to talk to, and on the other, it scared him that he was no longer used to being alone.

He dug his fork into his food and tried to block out any related thought.

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[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

FOOD! Glorious food! Excel had never been in a place that served food regularly. What was this sort of place? A five star hotel? She was beginning to think the evening was some sort of nightmare and that this was IlPalazzo's true quest. Excel piled on the pasta and meatballs, making as large a tower as she could before plopping down at the closest table to stuff her face silly.

Once finished, her face covered in sauce, she noticed the kid sitting nearby. There was still food on his plate and she eyed it greedily. "Are you going to eat that?" she asked, twirling her fork idly.

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

[OOC: Sorry for the delay! There were internet problems! Yay Excel! :P]

Phibrizzo blinked and stared at the strange woman in front of him. "I...guess?"

Why was she asking? Did she want some? He wasn't THAT taken with the food, truthfully. He moved his plate slightly towards her. "But if you'd like some, I can share."

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

Excel didn't know the meaning of share and so when the kid pushed his plate towards her, she stabbed the pasta hard before shoveling it into her mouth. She belched rather loudly but had the presence of mind to blush and look coy. "'Scuse Excel," she said. "I'm not used to having so much to eat. Usually I'm running after Menchi screaming 'JUST A BITE OFF YOUR LEG WON'T KILL YOU' but she never seems to listen to me and I'm left to die and wither away as you see the hunger goes to my legs and it's just horrible, I can barely stand but Lord IlPalazzo demands my loyalty and that includes suffering a little from starvation which I've gotten used to since the jobs he sends Ha-chan and I on are far from glamourous though I wish he'd send us an idol job every once in awhile. I can sing, listen- BEA~UTIFUL DR~EAMER! HARK UNTO ME!"

Her voice was ear piercing and extremely off key. It was amazing that the girl was able to sing not to mention talk as she had barely taken a breath at all since she'd eaten the pasta.

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Phibrizzo couldn't even pretend to follow along, let alone try to hide his confusion. Was there something WRONG with this human? What the hell was she talking about?

"E-excuse me?" He glanced down at his now empty plate and back at the girl next to him. Oh well, there went lunch...

"Did I...miss something?"

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Miss something?" Excel blinked, looking behind her completely forgetting that she had just been in the middle of a song. "Why, is there something behind me? With nasty sharp pointed teeth? AH!"

Excel gave a shriek and turned around looking a bit crazed as she waved her fork around wildly.

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Hellmaster inched slowly away from the crazy lady. "Ano..."

She was completely and utterly insane. His only hope was to get away from her before she imprinted too much. "I think I should go to another table now..."

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Another table, is there something wrong with this one?" Excel didn't quite understand why the boy was giving her such a strange look. "It looks sturdy enough. I bet if you wanted you could jump up and down and it wouldn't break."

Suddenly she offered her hand to the boy and grinned. "Excel Excel, Senior Officer of ACROSS."

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Once again, Phibrizzo didn't know what to make of the situation. He wanted to explain, not so nicely, that the whole point of moving to another table was to escape from her, but that would have ruined his child-act.

Not that this human wasn't grating on his nerves.

"Excel Excel, Senior Officer of ACROSS."

...was that an introduction? He cocked his head, feigning interest. "Across?"

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

Excel's eyes shined as she leaned across the table to whisper loudly. "Since my dear Lord IlPalazzo has sent me here to conquer the ignorant masses I suppose it will be alright if I tell you. ACROSS is a super secret underground organization to-"

Excel looked back and forth to see if anyone was looking before quietly exclaiming "Take Over the World!" in a heated whisper complete with hand gestures.

"But first," she continued. "We will concentrate on the city of F in the prefecture of F and while at the moment it seems we're conquering one building at a time."

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Take over the world. Phibrizzo laughed inwardly. She wanted to take over the world? Let her try. He was going to destroy it in a sea of chaos when he got his powers back. Then again, this girl didn't seem as if she was capable of conquering much.

"I wish you luck, then, Miss!" He said, smiling up at her. Perhaps with more encouragement, her eventual failure would sting that much more. "But who is Mr. IlPalazzo?"

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Lord IlPalazzo," she corrected him with a slight growl before smiling happily once again. "And he's the Leader of ACROSS and the most handsome, sexy, amazing LORD EVER! AND I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Excel gave a scream a joy before melting onto the table, giggling to herself. "Mmmm, IlPala."

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Phibrizzo could feel his sneer twitching through his plastered smile. This girl was...annoying. If her overenthusiastic and positive speeches didn't make him vomit, the constant screeching and random inflections would.

What drugs did this institute have her on?

"Y-yes. I guess he's rather important to you, then," He choked out. He wouldn't let her get to him too much. Mentally recomposing himself, he grinned at her once more. "And what do you think of this place so far, Miss Excel?"

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"This place," she said, her tone suddenly gloomy. "There is something funny about this place. Lord IlPalazzo usually gives me my assignment in person and this time I just woke up. And there are some strange characters about this place. Something isn't right."

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

The Mazoku lord wanted to roll his eyes. Yes, there was something that wasn't right about this place. For starters, he was alive again. But his mother had put him there for a reason, so she had obviously stuck all these other beings here too, if only for her personal amusement.

"Like the monsters?" He finally decided to say.

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

Excel snorted and shook her head. "Monsters are normal," she said. "I'm talking about all the strange people here. You know, I think they might be insane."

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Phibrizzo had decided to swallow down his drink, as the girl had eaten all of the food he had intended for himself. However, he soon found himself choking on it.

"In-insane, you say?" He blinked and coughed a bit. "OTHERS are insane?"

This girl was a first-class headcase.

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

Excel grinned. "So you've noticed it too? Well of course you did. I knew there was something about you I liked. You're very observant. That's an excellent quality that we look for in our newest recruits. And YOU um, erm, what was your name again?"

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Phibrizzo glanced around, looking for any sort of escape he could make. However, he didn't see any feasible route, unless he decided to off this girl. But then he would have a lot of explaining to do and all his plans would go to waste before they were made.

Damn it.

Sighing, he offered her his name. "Phibrizzo."

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Phib- Phibrr- I'll just call you Phibby-kun, how about that? Phibby-kun, YOU are just the sort of person ACROSS needs to take over the city! How would you like to help your Senior Officer with conquering the ignorant masses?" Excel beamed at the boy, looking only a tad less insane as she had before.

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

WHAT?

What the hell was this fruitcake playing at? Was she honestly so STUPID and INSANE that she didn't realize how extremely hopeless, pointless, and downright ridiculous she sounded.

...the perfect cover.

He mulled this over. What was a better front than running around as the child playmate of an obviously delusional girl? If he pretended he thought he was playing a great game with her, well, first off, it wouldn't appear to anyone else that he was any great threat. He'd have a "big sister" figure to manipulate and any decision he made or action he took could be blamed upon this...lunatic.

Which was a mark against this whole plan. If he used this one as his cover, he would have to-shudder-spend time with her. That was not something he wanted, not in the least.

Still, after much thought, he decided it would be better in the long run to be thought of as "crazy Excel's playmate" than "that suspicious kid".

"I can join ACROSS?!" He cried, looking as excited as he could force himself. "But I'm just a kid! Surely only adults get to have important jobs in ACROSS!"

He beamed up at Excel. "What do I get to do in ACROSS?"

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"There are lots of jobs at ACROSS that I'm sure you can do. Like, Official Toliet Cleaner or Food Getter or Official Emergency Food Supply Caretaker. See? Loads and loads to do. But first, to join ACROSS we have to put you through the initiation process."

Excel grinned wickedly and stood up, walking next to Phibrizzo and indicating that he should stand too. "Now, put your hand straight up into the air, click your heels together and repeat after me, alright?"

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Phibrizzo looked up at her. "Eh? O-Ok."

He crawled out of his seat and faced her, mimicing her actions. "What now, Miss Excel?"

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"I, insert name here, do solemnly swear to devote my life to ACROSS and the wonderful LORD ILPALAZZO! If he demands that I strip down, I will strip down. If he demands that I fall down a hole and encounter lots of sharp pointy objects, ravenous creatures, perilous puuchuus and strange afro haired men who claim to be directors then I will do so without fail! For the GLORY of ACROSS and the LOVE of my dear sweet LORD ILPALAZZO! HAIL ILPALAZZO!!"

Excel finished off her speech with a bright and cheerful belt, her hand high in the air in an eager salute.

[hellmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Phibrizzo's jaw dropped and he just stared at her. What was THAT? And how was he supposed to be expected to remember it all?

He began, "I, Phibrizzo, do promise..." Well, that was the extent of what he remembered, up to that last part. "..to do all that stuff Miss Excel mentioned. HAIL ILPALAZZO."

[bulletofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Yay!" Excel shouted, jumping up and down. "Phibby-kun, you're now Third Officer beneath Ha-chan. Your objective is to help Lord IlPalazzo and ACROSS take over this building."