Kratos paused as he determined how best to explain himself. Then: "The answer to that is more complex than just a few words. Allow me to start from the beginning, so as not to confuse you later."
That seemingly long ago snowy night in Flanoir had marked the first time he'd related the entire sordid tale of his brief rebellion against Cruxis to anyone, let alone Lloyd, and back then, he had only wanted to get it over with as fast as possible, even though he had been more than willing to finally tell Lloyd the whole truth. This time around, though, it wasn't nearly as nerve-wracking, and slowly, Kratos once again made his way through the blur of memories that frequently haunted his dreams in a manner that sounded less like a barrage of facts and more like an actual story.
"...I gave up, I admit that. I searched as long as I could, but in the end, all I ever found were Desian corpses and blood everywhere. I thought you had died. Perhaps if I had been granted more time, I might have found you, but I am Origin's seal, the guardian of Yggdrasill's power, so naturally, he couldn't just leave me alone. He soon found me and" - Kratos's voice caught momentarily - "asked me to return to Cruxis. He would have dragged me back to Derris-Kharlan regardless of how I answered, and I was tired of fighting and convinced that I had lost everything anyway...I accepted."
That had been followed by fourteen years' worth of attempts to carve Anna out of his heart and mold him back into the obedient knight that had first sworn fealty to Mithos - fourteen years' worth of guilt and suffering and retribution and despair and things that he would be taking to the grave.
"I was not permitted to return to the two worlds until the Journey of Regeneration, so I never received any more time to look for you--even if I had...well." The corner of Kratos's mouth twisted upward briefly. "But I did not choose to leave you and Anna. You two were the most important things in my life. I would have never just left."
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That seemingly long ago snowy night in Flanoir had marked the first time he'd related the entire sordid tale of his brief rebellion against Cruxis to anyone, let alone Lloyd, and back then, he had only wanted to get it over with as fast as possible, even though he had been more than willing to finally tell Lloyd the whole truth. This time around, though, it wasn't nearly as nerve-wracking, and slowly, Kratos once again made his way through the blur of memories that frequently haunted his dreams in a manner that sounded less like a barrage of facts and more like an actual story.
"...I gave up, I admit that. I searched as long as I could, but in the end, all I ever found were Desian corpses and blood everywhere. I thought you had died. Perhaps if I had been granted more time, I might have found you, but I am Origin's seal, the guardian of Yggdrasill's power, so naturally, he couldn't just leave me alone. He soon found me and" - Kratos's voice caught momentarily - "asked me to return to Cruxis. He would have dragged me back to Derris-Kharlan regardless of how I answered, and I was tired of fighting and convinced that I had lost everything anyway...I accepted."
That had been followed by fourteen years' worth of attempts to carve Anna out of his heart and mold him back into the obedient knight that had first sworn fealty to Mithos - fourteen years' worth of guilt and suffering and retribution and despair and things that he would be taking to the grave.
"I was not permitted to return to the two worlds until the Journey of Regeneration, so I never received any more time to look for you--even if I had...well." The corner of Kratos's mouth twisted upward briefly. "But I did not choose to leave you and Anna. You two were the most important things in my life. I would have never just left."