And here Kotetsu thought he couldn't feel any worse. Knowing he had irreparably damaged the trust between them, he fault nauseated from a punch to his gut. "No, I won't!" he said before thinking his outburst through. It pulled him onto his feet and in front of Barnaby. Grabbing both of his hands in his so the young man couldn't get away, Kotetsu hoped the looks of utter misery gave him enough of a pause to remain, at least for the entire story.

"I'll tell you everything! I wouldn't leave anything out--You're right! This is your life, and I've been such an idiot!" His hands were so restless as he babbled on and on to Barnaby that his rough thumbs worried the skin of his partner's knuckles back and forth. "I'm sorry," he said again, He had no idea if it had any potency anymore since he had to apologize all the time these days, but he wouldn't stop trying. If it took 139,607 apologies, he would give them! "I didn't think--" But Kotetsu stopped himself, knowing that was where most of his problems stemmed from. He didn't stop to fully think. "Everything that happened, it almost destroyed this--us--and I just... I guess I was afraid if I had to tell you all over again you might... leave?" It was selfish and cowardly, he knew, but he couldn't deal with it if Barnaby left him, whether it was from sadness, from madness, anger, depression, betrayal, it all would hurt.