Day 69: Sun Room

[envy_the_sinners]

[From here]

Scar lumbered into the sun room, hair still damp from the shower. He had been sure to be as quick as possible. The damn communal shower was miserable.

He settled down in one of the couches, his shoulders drooped and eyes tired. What the hell had happened out in the courtyard? One moment, he had been fine, and the next he had been completely deaf. Had something been done to him when he died? His ears were fine, as far as he could tell.

At least he could sit in a comfortable chair in the sun. The small luxury was something he would never take for granted after camping in the wilderness and the sewers of Central for years. There was too much on his mind, too much to keep track of. The simple knowledge that Frank was dead was enough to sap the energy out of him. He was too tired to even be angry.

[Alphonse!]

Comments

[seekingmystrength]

While Kurogane had been able to see right through him since that first meeting, he'd never had any kind of mutual understanding with the magician. From Rekord to this place it had been one lie after another. They'd even come off the last trip with Fai having contradicted his word to never use his magic. Because of all those times, Kurogane was nearly trained now to respond against Fai's words. He was prepared for the lies, knew what kind of responses to expect should the magician learn of certain things, and had kept from saying them as a result.

But in all that time, Kurogane hadn't lied once.

And, similarly, Fai had never admitted to his own. Or apologized with meaning.

"If you're that set on knowing, then fine, but so help me if you start acting like you used to because of it..." he warned after he'd spent enough time thinking, yet didn't say exactly what he would do should that happen. He knew he'd deal with it if things went that way, but he definitely wouldn't like it.

[behind_my_smile]

"I'll never go back to the way I was when we met..and I don't know how I behaved when I was here before but I doubt I'd be the same person as then either." He smiled and looked up finally, even the the smile he showed was rather weak. "I am going to shorten your name still though."

Some things would never change. He had done that once and it was his way of keeping his distance. He no longer cared about distance but he could feel it..that distance was between them now. It was as if things were the way they were when the first met. Each one testing the other..without the same kind of fun that Fai was able to have then.

[seekingmystrength]

"Never" was a strong word for the magician to use, and even harder for Kurogane to take for what it meant.

Kurogane had used it before himself, claiming that he would never be defeated, never let those he protected come to harm, and never let this place beat him... Yet by experience he'd been forced to accept that words didn't create the impossible, no matter what the pledge. He'd taken defeat, and been powerless as he'd watched others die before him. And though it had been brief, he knew he'd allowed this world to overtake him once.

Never didn't exist.

"Don't say that lightly," he said in a secondary warning, turning his attention away again. "A lot of things I never thought would happen have come to pass. This place doesn't allow anyone to be certain anymore. So you can say whatever you think, but know that there's no guarantee."

[behind_my_smile]

"I suppose there is never a guarentee. It doesn't matter what world you are on." Fai tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling.

"But I made a promise to you..the you that I know. And I intend to keep it regardless of what world I am on or what situations arise. So even if this world throws it's worst at me, I'm not going back to the way I was." Fai couldn't afford to. By returning to that version of himself, it would be like giving up. Certainly even this world wouldn't cause him to want to throw his life away and live like he did before.

[seekingmystrength]

Kurogane listened, staying silent until the magician finished, and even beyond that. If Fai wanted to speak of promises, then he'd best hold to this one - that he wouldn't change based on what he heard. If he could do that...

"What do you want to know?"

[behind_my_smile]

Fai smiled and looked over at Kurogane. "Even through everything i've said..I don't even know what to ask. I really want to know more about the me that was here before..and more about what you've been through. I know I probably don't have much right to ask about certain things but sometimes not knowing makes it harder to know how to move forward."

Fai wanted to understand this world. He wanted to know what Kurogane had been through..what he had been through and didn't remember.

"The me from before...was I..was he..from the same time as you?" Fai's memories in this place were fuzzy. Conversations were running together despite the few days he had been there. There was so much to absorb as far as information that he felt he had lost some important pieces along the way. He had to try and start connecting them all back together.

[seekingmystrength]

Telling someone about himself was strange no matter how Kurogane thought about it, and the fact made it difficult for him to start as well. He knew that it was best to start from when Kurogane had gotten there, not from what he knew of Fai's first month. That was what needed saying first.

"I told you I got here from the country of Rekord," he started off with a reminder, "It was the same for..."

How the hell did he say it? Was it "him" or "you" or...

"Him," he eventually settled on. It would make things less confusing, "I came a lot later. About a month or so. And the first thing he did was run away from me and hide in the damn closet!"

[behind_my_smile]

Fai laughed and relaxed against the chair as he thought about. That definitely sounded like something he would do, even if he doesn't know the exact reasoning. "Obviously Kuro-pon was a scary sight. Was it like when I showed up? Perhaps he thought he was seeing a ghost or a fake Kuro-kuro."

The fact that he came from the same time as Kurogane had was interesting. Fai tried to remember anything that might have been any sort of inclination that he had made some strange side quest to this world before rejoining the others. But he would have noticed something at the time if that was the case. As it was there wasn't even a fragment of a memory that remained. Once again the thought that the previous him wasn't actually him came to the front of his mind. Even if their paths were similar it was possible that they were merely another version. As long as he kept that thought in his head, it made him feel a little bit better about not remembering anything.

[seekingmystrength]

"The hell I was," he barked, still angry that he'd had to chase after the man. That he'd had to discover on his own just why Fai had run had been even more infuriating. "He wouldn't even tell me what had happened! I had to find out from the ones that had been with him what he'd done."

Finding out had taken more effort than it should have, and he'd had to bother other patients who Fai had hurt during that incident.

[behind_my_smile]

Fai sobered a little. He was sure the other him had good reason to run. "What had happened to him?" Fai probably really didn't want to know but he felt like if he did, perhaps he could avoid making some of the same mistakes. It was probably unlikely but it was worth a try. So far his days here had been pretty calm. Maybe he would be able to make it through fairly unscathed.

[seekingmystrength]

"I got it from someone else... but I did understand that some thing that looked like me had attacked the group he was in. One of them was smart enough to kill it, but you..." he changed again without thinking, catching himself just barely, "... he... I don't know, lost control of his powers or something. Hurt one of the others, and might have hurt more if someone hadn't knocked him out."

[behind_my_smile]

"I see.." That was strange..to lose control of his powers like that would be hard to do. A thought passed briefly through his mind..perhaps the first curse had been activated. Could someone on this world have been more powerful then him when he had both his eyes? It seemed hard to believe but what else could make him do something like hurt others..Fai shook the thought away. He couldn't really question the actions of the people within this place.

"Is that why you wondered if I was real when I first got here? You saw a monster that looked like me before, didn't you?"

Fai had yet to experience anything like that but there was no telling when his luck would run out.

[seekingmystrength]

A monster looking like Fai he could have handled, and better than he had what one of those things had actually looked like when he'd first crossed it all those nights ago.

"The princess," he corrected.

That had been the only reason the thing had gotten close enough to let him know what to look for. On any other world, the marks she'd given him would have left a mark as a reminder. Here the wound had healed over within a week with no lingering scars.

"The teeth are the only part that can't be changed."

[behind_my_smile]

"Right..I have to remember to look at the teeth. But getting that close to a monster would be just asking for trouble I would think." Fai tapped his chin then smiled. "Maybe if you just tell them you are about to take a picture and you need them to smile reallllllly wide and say 'cheese' you could keep your distance while still seeing the teeth."

Though the thought of a monster impersonating the princess bothered him. He would definitely be on the look out because that would be one person that Fai would have a hard time not trusting.

[seekingmystrength]

Was he even taking this seriously? After bring up things he hadn't wanted to hear, talking of promises to the him of his time, Kurogane had expected only small deviations. Making comments about him having been scary was one thing, but suggesting that they take pictures of monsters, and ones that could take on the image of ones they cared about, was going too far.


"If you're not going to take this seriously, then I'm done explaining."

[behind_my_smile]

Fai slumped in his chair a little. Taking things serious was difficult because it meant he would have to actually accept that this place was capable of some rather evil things and so far he hadn't come in contact with any monsters. He had only heard rumor of them. But being basically scolded by Kurogane was also not particularly fun.

"How else are you supposed to see the teeth? I'd rather not make the mistake when I'm right next to them. Doesn't give me a whole lot of time to react."

[seekingmystrength]

"Just use some sense." Which for the magician may be a bit difficult. He'd reacted to taking things seriously, so that gave some hope. "I made you show because I hadn't seen you in some nights, and you were acting different."

When the Princess had been impersonated, he'd been unable to tell any differences since she'd not been there before. Just the feeling that something had been thirsting for blood, and he hadn't realized it was her. That was one thing that Fai needed to know.

"They can read memories. That's how they are able to mimic those we know."

[behind_my_smile]

"Well that is inconvenient." Fai frowned as he thought about that. If they could read memories or become anyone...that meant his brother or Ashura were also a possibility. That could prove to be very inconvenient. He wasn't sure how he would react if he encountered a monster wearing their faces.

"It's exhausting to just be suspicious of everyone you meet until you can see their teeth."