damned_institute | Day 65: Men's Showers

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Day 65: Men's Showers

Well, it was about time they got to bathe, that was all Loki really had to say about it. He'd been wondering just how barbaric his captors were. The fact that it was showers only, and no baths for soaking spoke volumes, as far as he was concerned.

But at least there were showers, which was certainly better than nothing. Loki felt something approaching cheerful as he allowed the nurse to lead him on. At the showers he shucked off the ridiculous uniform without so much as a pause and claimed a shower head from those available.

He was used to bathing around others. And as a god among mortals, he definitely had nothing to be ashamed of. Though the warm spray of the shower did let him know that he had some definite bruising on his back from where Kratos had managed to hurl him into that wall, and one of his ribs still twinged occasionally. His jaw still hurt a bit as well, but any bruising there had taken care of itself during the night.

[For the ambiguously gay duo!]

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Hakkai waited until the showers were mostly emptied out - both for his own privacy, and because he knew he'd have a better chance of finding Gren to talk. There was a twist of guilt at that, at the fact that he was willing to use his friend's discomfort and preference for privacy like this - but he hadn't seen Gren at breakfast, and had instead spent the entire meal catching eerie glimpses of the pale white face from the night before reflected in dishware and utensils. It was deeply unsettling, and had made him more worried about Gren - he hadn't been able to free the other man before night ended.

With that on his mind, he was a little less self-concious about undressing and entering the showers. It was easy enough to spot Gren, though as soon as he did, he turned his gaze to the wall, picking a shower head a few spots down from Gren and turning it on before he spoke.

"...Gren?"

He didn't startle, exactly, bur he did tense up for one long moment at the sound of Hakkai's voice before he managed to relax again, plaster an exceedingly false smile on his face, and look up. No need to drag him into all of this, right?

"Hey."

He shoved his wet hair out of his face, frowning a little at how much was left behind on his fingers.

The attempt at a smile was lost on Hakkai - he had his eyes nearly closed, both as a ward against the images of that ghost, and because not having his glasses on started to give him a headache after a while. That, and it would be impolite to Gren.

"Are you alright? I didn't see you at breakfast..." The worry was clear in his voice, and he made no effort to hide it.

"I didn't go to breakfast," he replied. Hadn't wanted to eat. Hadn't wanted to be around anyone else. He needed time to get himself together again, find some way to at least keep the illusion of sanity, when all he really wanted was to give in.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

He doubted it sounded the least bit convincing, but he had to pay the lie lip-service, at least, and he didn't really want Hakkai worrying about him.

Gren didn't sound fine. Normally Hakkai would let it slide, let the little white lie go for dignity's sake - but not today. "I spent all of breakfast seeing glimpses of that thing in anything reflective." He tried to keep his voice calm, to not betray how shaken up he'd been, half-jumping at every little movement out of the corner of his eye. "Whatever it was, iseems like it can still affect us during the day."

"I haven't seen anything." Just heard it... felt it. But he was more inclined to think it was just his own mind tormenting him than anything else. He'd been there before, after all. No reason to think this was different.

"Ahh..." Hakkai trailed off uncertainly, pausing halfway through shampooing his hair as he thought. If he was the only one seeing things, was it just his mind playing tricks? He had been feeling increasingly anxious over the last few days - was this place finally pushing him to his breaking point? It was a worrying train of thought.

"Well, if anything out of the ordinary happens, let me know?"

"Yeah, I'll keep an eye out." Although how he was supposed to tell what was real and what wasn't anymore, he didn't exactly know.

He was quiet again for a long awkward moment before adding, "Thanks for trying to help last night. I shouldn't have dragged you in there with me." It had been a bad plan. He hadn't even thought it through, really. And he should have known better.

Hakkai shook his head slightly. "No need to apologize - I'm sorry I couldn't do more to pull you away from that creature." The ineffectiveness of his own attacks had been frustrating to say the least - something in this place was affecting him, and it didn't help to know that Gren probably couldn't survive a blow from him, unlike his other friends.

"I don't think anything could have." They'd been lucky, in a way, that things had ended the way they had. Much longer, and he might have been gone.

Of course, there was still that niggling part of his mind that thought it would have been better that way, really. Anything to get him out of this endless cycle, even if it meant surrendering himself to nothing at all.

"I know people that could have." His friends could have - even Gojyo, who'd dragged a nearly-dead stranger home and pulled him back to a new life. Goku and Sanzo were almost a given - they'd both go through hell and back for someone, even if Sanzo would complain the whole time. "But they're... stronger than me." Always stronger. He'd never been able to save people - too busy being saved himself.

"You did your best. That's what matters." It was as reassuring as he could manage, given the state of his own nerves. He knew Hakkai had tried, and he was grateful for that, even if it hadn't been able to free him, in the end. And he wanted Hakkai to know he appreciated the effort. After all, he could have just cut and run from the whole situation.

"Sometimes that doesn't save people." It hadn't been enough been enough to save Kanan, even as he had bled away his life, his soul, his conscience for her. The words came out more bitter than he meant them to, and he shook his head a little under the stream of water, as if that would clear it.

"...Thank you, though." And he managed to get that to sound more like it should, calm and polite.

"No. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes nothing you do can." He knew that. He'd been a soldier, after all. He'd seen more than his share of deaths, and worse. He knew what it was like to try your best, and fail anyway. And sometimes, people just didn't want to be saved. That had almost been him, last night. He preferred to think it was just some effect that thing had had on him, but deep down, he knew how untrue it was.

Gren's words echoed his own thoughts distressingly closely. He had nothing to say to that, nothing he could say that wouldn't result in spilling all his past to Gren, to letting those demons out again. So instead, he silently turned his back to Gren, and focused on washing his hair as thoroughly and intently as he could. Anything to distract him from the inside of his head.

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Day 65: Men's Showers

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