If Aidou had had sympathy, it had been steadily trickling away over the course of his acquaintance with the girl. Sometimes he felt as though he could tolerate her, but more often than not he felt that if he did kill her, it would only be of benefit. Where selfishness was concerned, Aidou couldn’t deny that he was selfish, too; to all non-vampires, he was selfish. It wasn’t anything that could be changed, it was just a state of being, a biological imperative. He could act superior because he was. He could show disdain toward others not like him because he had the right. When he felt the deep cut of an insult, he could stand unmoved in the face of someone’s tears because he didn’t have to have compassion.
They were better, and that made all vampires selfish on some level. It was why the sharpness in his gaze didn’t soften when she started to break. She was like a baby just learning its first steps, and he had given her hard lessons, but the flicker of pity he felt was miniscule in comparison to the chunk of ice encompassing his chest, sealing away his heart.
At an ideal time when he wasn’t a prisoner in a deranged mental hospital, Aidou might have been less content to throw himself on the mercy of his own detachment. But not that night. It was an advantage to be more cruel than kind. To remember that his honor and his freedom were the only things that truly mattered.
But it was honor that was at question here, wasn’t it.
The mindless beast fought, killed, and took its meals where it could--what she had expected from him from the very beginning. Aidou could hurt the girl if he had to, but not rashly. Not because he was less than she or her human companions were. Proving otherwise was the only reason he paused before bothering to address her again, giving both of their thoughts time to settle.
“I don’t care if you’re incorruptible or not, if you’re scared or courageous. But I hate people who can’t understand themselves. And I hate people who try to put blood on my hands that doesn’t belong,” he said. “Listen, you’re not “offering” me, you’re commanding me, and I’m no animal for you to demean with your insinuations. You won’t lower me to the level of something that jumps at blood just because you present it. If I have to depend on one warm body I’m--” like him, like Kiryu, “--no better than a kept pet. I’ve sustained myself the way I have because that is not what I am. I can choose. That’s what I can do. If you don’t understand anything else, understand that.”
Re: [F10]
They were better, and that made all vampires selfish on some level. It was why the sharpness in his gaze didn’t soften when she started to break. She was like a baby just learning its first steps, and he had given her hard lessons, but the flicker of pity he felt was miniscule in comparison to the chunk of ice encompassing his chest, sealing away his heart.
At an ideal time when he wasn’t a prisoner in a deranged mental hospital, Aidou might have been less content to throw himself on the mercy of his own detachment. But not that night. It was an advantage to be more cruel than kind. To remember that his honor and his freedom were the only things that truly mattered.
But it was honor that was at question here, wasn’t it.
The mindless beast fought, killed, and took its meals where it could--what she had expected from him from the very beginning. Aidou could hurt the girl if he had to, but not rashly. Not because he was less than she or her human companions were. Proving otherwise was the only reason he paused before bothering to address her again, giving both of their thoughts time to settle.
“I don’t care if you’re incorruptible or not, if you’re scared or courageous. But I hate people who can’t understand themselves. And I hate people who try to put blood on my hands that doesn’t belong,” he said. “Listen, you’re not “offering” me, you’re commanding me, and I’m no animal for you to demean with your insinuations. You won’t lower me to the level of something that jumps at blood just because you present it. If I have to depend on one warm body I’m--” like him, like Kiryu, “--no better than a kept pet. I’ve sustained myself the way I have because that is not what I am. I can choose. That’s what I can do. If you don’t understand anything else, understand that.”