Day 60: Music Room (Fourth Shift)

[norainu]

It wasn't often that Renji felt less like punching people in general as his day wore on. This was a new experience for him. A not unwelcome one, if he was being honest. And the fact that he felt less like punching Fai? Kind of mind-blowing. The sort of thing Zen masters would probably use as a kouan to reach an all-new level of non-punching enlightenment.

So he was back from the dead, almost everyone he'd known was gone, and yet bizarrely his day felt like it was looking up. Kind of. Renji wasn't sure what to make of this. Maybe his grumpy meter was just nearing empty. That was as good an explanation as the next, considering how this place made him feel.

Whatever the reason, he ended up in the music room. And he remembered oh yeah. He'd always kind of hated this damn shift. He grabbed a little book of music and a drum and retreated quickly to the far end of the room. He put the drum down in front of him just so he looked like he was doing something and opened the book. But he had no idea how to read music, and really, he was more interested in the ongoing puzzle of what the hell had happened in the last four weeks.

And brooding. Of course. There was always brooding to be done.

[Okay Tolten, let me lay it out for you. When there's a mommy and a daddy... or sometimes a daddy and a dadddy. Or, hell, sometimes a mommy and a mommy if you buy the right kind of wood cuts (and a third mommy if you go to just the right shop)... but anyway when they love each other very much, or at least a suitably large amount of money changes hands, there are some things that happen...]

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[age-of-kings.livejournal.com]

"Don't despair, Mr. Renji," Tolten said, gently. "No matter how dark things look, there's light. As long as there are people willing to fight against oppression and evil, there will be light."

He had to believe that. And hadn't life taught him that? Seth told him time and time again to learn, and so learn he did. There was hope, and as he had told Rose and Claude, he couldn't believe that there was no one on the outside working to aide them. There was always someone fighting for those who needed it.

[norainu]

Renji stared at Tolten for a long moment, trying to comprehend the fact that the kid had just given him an earnest little pep talk. Him. Renji.

"How'd I hear it get put once? Yeah. The problem is, most of the time the light at the end of the tunnel is a flamethrower." Renji laughed, then grinned. "Fighting lets you know you're alive. I've pretty much found the optimism reminds you why it sucks that you are."

[age-of-kings.livejournal.com]

Ah, the eternal warrior.

"If we're alive, that alone is a reason to hope and be joyful. Things can always get better. Besides...flame is the key to forging a strong and true blade. And fighting, I've found, only serves to remind that yI will not be alive always. And that for me to live, another cannot. I don't think that's fair."

His mind turned to Tristan, and the hell on the Royal Train. No, it wasn't fair. That anyone should sacrifice himself for Tolten... it still hung heavy in his heart. And all the deaths in Gohtza hung heavy on him. He was the fool who had let loose the mad dog in their streets, after all.

[norainu]

Again, Renji found himself staring at the kid. That level of perky optimism wasn't something he expected to see outside of Sora. And Sora made it sound a lot less... religious. Just a lot more enthusiastic.

He laughed. "It's only by looking the end of all things directly in the eye that a man can truly feel his most alive. Your blood rushes in your ears, and you transcend fear into true life. Because then, you acknowledge that you are already dead, and just waiting for it to catch up with you. So you can live without restraints."

And even though it was mean, he had to say it anyway. "And I got to tell you, post-battle sex is the greatest sex in the world."