damned_institute | Day 60: Music Room (Fourth Shift)

It wasn't often that Renji felt less like punching people in general as his day wore on. This was a new experience for him. A not unwelcome one, if he was being honest. And the fact that he felt less like punching Fai? Kind of mind-blowing. The sort of thing Zen masters would probably use as a kouan to reach an all-new level of non-punching enlightenment.

So he was back from the dead, almost everyone he'd known was gone, and yet bizarrely his day felt like it was looking up. Kind of. Renji wasn't sure what to make of this. Maybe his grumpy meter was just nearing empty. That was as good an explanation as the next, considering how this place made him feel.

Whatever the reason, he ended up in the music room. And he remembered oh yeah. He'd always kind of hated this damn shift. He grabbed a little book of music and a drum and retreated quickly to the far end of the room. He put the drum down in front of him just so he looked like he was doing something and opened the book. But he had no idea how to read music, and really, he was more interested in the ongoing puzzle of what the hell had happened in the last four weeks.

And brooding. Of course. There was always brooding to be done.

[Okay Tolten, let me lay it out for you. When there's a mommy and a daddy... or sometimes a daddy and a dadddy. Or, hell, sometimes a mommy and a mommy if you buy the right kind of wood cuts (and a third mommy if you go to just the right shop)... but anyway when they love each other very much, or at least a suitably large amount of money changes hands, there are some things that happen...]

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"You'd be surprised at all the fun stuff people at your ripe old age dont know," Renji said, tone desert dry. "I wouldn't trust stories like that. I've told enough of them myself. They're sixty percent bullshit and twenty percent wishful thinking." He grinned, still studying the ceiling. "But don't get me wrong. I am totally happy to keep this conversation from becoming even more awkward. So feel free to change the subject if you want."

"Most Uhran soldiers don't live beyond twenty five," Tolten said with another small shrug. He knew that in mind and heart he was still very much a young man, but he wasn't in years. Oh, perhaps comparatively speaking in regards to some, but considering how many times he ought to have been dead over the past two years....

"And honestly, other than the small matter we've been discussing, there's little the world has to offer that I haven't ended up experiencing. With or without my intention."

There was that, of course. He had seen things few others had ever imagined. He had lived through great wonders and terrible horrors and he had lived to tell the tales. He had visited Eastern Temples! And fought their guardians! He had passed his hand through a doorway that led to another world! He had seen the Tower of Mirrors....

And he had touched the Light.

"I have had a very full life. And even here, I see and experience things that change me and touch me. For better or for worse."

"Twenty five? That's pretty bad even for humans. Though I know nowadays they're living way longer than they used to." Renji remarked. "But if you live a rough life, that's what happens."

He nodded, then sighed. "Just don't let shit touch you too much."

Even Renji wasn't certain quite how he meant that, and it touched on things he really didn't want to think about just then.

"It's better to live a full life than not. Most of the time. Here, you don't really have much of a choice, the way shit's set up."

"We are a country perpetually at war," the young king explained. "Our last king, His Majesty King Zypha...he was empirical, I suppose you could say." Uhra had expanded under his father's reign. And those before him, of course.

"That's changing now, though. There are only two countries left in Plank, and Uhra has a sworn treaty of peace with Numara that will not be broken." Even if an idiot had taken the throne in his absence, none were foolish enough to go against Her Majesty. And surely there were personal ties, as well as political ones to cement their alliance.

"And I wouldn't say there's no choice here," he went on, once more playing his instrument. "They have been horrible, but I have seen wonders here. If our world is small, that means only that we need realize wonders and miracles will be to that same scale. And of course that which doesn't kill us..."

As a general principle, Renji thought the wars that humans engaged in were pretty stupid. It was a lot of squabbling and wasted life over borders, and he didn't really see the point. It all came down to greed, he guessed. "Hopefully things will be peaceful, then. Life's short enough as it is."

He snorted. "Yeah, it does make you stronger. Which is a good attitude to have. Everything's a fight, and that's sure one way to get your act together." He wasn't sure about the wonders and miracles stuff. He hadn't seen anything like that in the time he'd been stuck in the Institute. The one time things had been looking up, it'd turned out to be the set up for the fall.

Just because of that train of thought, his face fell back into grim lines.

"Don't despair, Mr. Renji," Tolten said, gently. "No matter how dark things look, there's light. As long as there are people willing to fight against oppression and evil, there will be light."

He had to believe that. And hadn't life taught him that? Seth told him time and time again to learn, and so learn he did. There was hope, and as he had told Rose and Claude, he couldn't believe that there was no one on the outside working to aide them. There was always someone fighting for those who needed it.

Renji stared at Tolten for a long moment, trying to comprehend the fact that the kid had just given him an earnest little pep talk. Him. Renji.

"How'd I hear it get put once? Yeah. The problem is, most of the time the light at the end of the tunnel is a flamethrower." Renji laughed, then grinned. "Fighting lets you know you're alive. I've pretty much found the optimism reminds you why it sucks that you are."

Ah, the eternal warrior.

"If we're alive, that alone is a reason to hope and be joyful. Things can always get better. Besides...flame is the key to forging a strong and true blade. And fighting, I've found, only serves to remind that yI will not be alive always. And that for me to live, another cannot. I don't think that's fair."

His mind turned to Tristan, and the hell on the Royal Train. No, it wasn't fair. That anyone should sacrifice himself for Tolten... it still hung heavy in his heart. And all the deaths in Gohtza hung heavy on him. He was the fool who had let loose the mad dog in their streets, after all.

Again, Renji found himself staring at the kid. That level of perky optimism wasn't something he expected to see outside of Sora. And Sora made it sound a lot less... religious. Just a lot more enthusiastic.

He laughed. "It's only by looking the end of all things directly in the eye that a man can truly feel his most alive. Your blood rushes in your ears, and you transcend fear into true life. Because then, you acknowledge that you are already dead, and just waiting for it to catch up with you. So you can live without restraints."

And even though it was mean, he had to say it anyway. "And I got to tell you, post-battle sex is the greatest sex in the world."

Day 60: Music Room (Fourth Shift)

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