Nothing had given itself to change. And yet everything had. In the interterm of time’s passing, life had continued to move. As she had known it would. For she was but an outside participant, an observer in place to bear witness to the rotations of the earth. There was little more to categorize it as. She could not think of anything else.
It had even shifted backwards in her period of oblivion traced to nothingness. The military had dispersed and the hospital had regained itself, and she was left to wonder if the military had been dreamed. Except that Ayanami did not dream, not as others did, and for that she was left with the complete and total truth of the matter. Things had changed, and she did not know if she could define them as better or worse.
She had not expected to be told others thought she had been released. She had not expected to lose three days and counting, to have slept as if she were dead. She had not expected to have woken with few recognized in her surroundings, and more to the point--
Rei Ayanami did not expect that she would regain consciousness to find that three she knew were gone.
No, it was not yet known. Not yet a guaranteed fact, but it existed just the same. Ikari was gone. The Second as well. And Kaworu Nagisa. All three gone without a trace, and she knew it for she had watched and waited, and none had appeared. She knew it because the faltering connection held between her and the supposed Fifth had vanished, and Ikari….
Ikari was not here. This, Rei knew well.
So it was that she found herself alone. Even in solitude, there lacked a degree of change, and even in this place, things remained the same. The scar on her neck, the memories of the two entry plugs used in ways they shouldn’t have been. No. Nothing had changed, but. She found herself alone, and it was new to her. Still, it was not something that she should find as strange. She had existed in solitude, and this was but the same.
Except for the fact that she had known bonds, and now they were gone from her.
Should she hold a hopelessness within her for that fact? There had been little show of progress before, and yet, that was due to her and not to them. Would she be able to adjust that herself? The military had been a comfort, a way to allow her to move within bounds rather than freely. Would she be able to place herself anew and push forward in this? Or was it that she should merely give in, allow everything to happen as it would? A possibility yet undenied. It still existed as an option, if in the end, there was nothing to succeed in.
She would be replaced. It was a comfort and a curse. If she failed, here, or at NERV, she would simply be replaced. And her presence would be forgotten, the space left unmissed, and things would move as if she had never been.
There was peace in that, but it was also quietly questioned. Would she be forgotten by that girl as well? Would Aigis forget her face in Rei passed into time and memory? Or would Ayanami be missed, and held as something to be remembered?
It was a fluttering thing, the fact of hope. Strange and shifting, she held a hand to her chest and considered.
no subject
It had even shifted backwards in her period of oblivion traced to nothingness. The military had dispersed and the hospital had regained itself, and she was left to wonder if the military had been dreamed. Except that Ayanami did not dream, not as others did, and for that she was left with the complete and total truth of the matter. Things had changed, and she did not know if she could define them as better or worse.
She had not expected to be told others thought she had been released. She had not expected to lose three days and counting, to have slept as if she were dead. She had not expected to have woken with few recognized in her surroundings, and more to the point--
Rei Ayanami did not expect that she would regain consciousness to find that three she knew were gone.
No, it was not yet known. Not yet a guaranteed fact, but it existed just the same. Ikari was gone. The Second as well. And Kaworu Nagisa. All three gone without a trace, and she knew it for she had watched and waited, and none had appeared. She knew it because the faltering connection held between her and the supposed Fifth had vanished, and Ikari….
Ikari was not here. This, Rei knew well.
So it was that she found herself alone. Even in solitude, there lacked a degree of change, and even in this place, things remained the same. The scar on her neck, the memories of the two entry plugs used in ways they shouldn’t have been. No. Nothing had changed, but. She found herself alone, and it was new to her. Still, it was not something that she should find as strange. She had existed in solitude, and this was but the same.
Except for the fact that she had known bonds, and now they were gone from her.
Should she hold a hopelessness within her for that fact? There had been little show of progress before, and yet, that was due to her and not to them. Would she be able to adjust that herself? The military had been a comfort, a way to allow her to move within bounds rather than freely. Would she be able to place herself anew and push forward in this? Or was it that she should merely give in, allow everything to happen as it would? A possibility yet undenied. It still existed as an option, if in the end, there was nothing to succeed in.
She would be replaced. It was a comfort and a curse. If she failed, here, or at NERV, she would simply be replaced. And her presence would be forgotten, the space left unmissed, and things would move as if she had never been.
There was peace in that, but it was also quietly questioned. Would she be forgotten by that girl as well? Would Aigis forget her face in Rei passed into time and memory? Or would Ayanami be missed, and held as something to be remembered?
It was a fluttering thing, the fact of hope. Strange and shifting, she held a hand to her chest and considered.
[ hay gurlfriend ]